


The Day After Monday

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kidnapping, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Underage Drinking, just some teens being teens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-10-30 18:03:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17833466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Monday after Tyler’s 18th birthday is when they finally find him, after thirteen long years of searching. Is it even possible to pick up where you left off after that long?





	1. Return

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I've been working on since 2016 and has been through a lot (which means I abandoned it, came back, abandoned, came back, and now finished!) I'm really excited to share it though because a lot of thought and personal experience has been put into it and I hope y'all enjoy. :-) I've been working hard these last few months to get it out into the world!

The Monday after Tyler’s 18th birthday, he sits in the living room piled under three different blankets with his laptop firmly in his lap as he taps away at his keyboard. He’s currently working on an essay for English on F. Scott Fitzgerald-- you would not  _ believe _ how poor the man was with money management.

His brother sits in the chair adjacent to him, plunking away at his own computer as he works on his algebra problems. Maddy and Jay are somewhere around the house, probably playing hot wheels or “kitchen” or something. It’s a typical school day; well, up until Tyler’s mother screams. It’s a scream filled with happiness, joy, and hope all at the same time, and when she rushes into the living room, tears run down her face, leaving two tiny black mascara trails down her cheeks. Her phone is in a death grip in her hand.

“They found him. Tyler, they  _ found _ him.”

Tyler doesn’t believe it. How could he? It hadn’t been the first time the police had called and said they found him.

“Are you serious?” Tyler blinks. She can’t be serious. People aren't just  _ found  _ after thirteen years.

“Laura just called, he’s down at the police station, they found him in  _ California, _ of all places--” His mother keeps talking, but Tyler zones out. California’s a long way from Ohio.

Next thing he knows, Tyler is on autopilot as his mother buckles all the kids into the car and zips over to the house across town. It’s swarmed with all kinds of news reporters and journalists, and Tyler’s stomach clenches. He remembers the questions they had asked him when it first happened.  _ Were you good friends? Do you miss him? Do you think he’ll be found? _

His mother pulls up as close as she can without running anyone over. Tyler looks at all the camera equipment and trucks and wonders what news channel they each belong to.

There’s a minivan in the driveway; Tyler’s mother pushes open her door and turns towards her eldest son. “I know you want to see him right away, but he needs time.” She looks at him with a look he can’t quite put his finger on and then slams the door shut. Tyler watches her push through the crowd, up to the window of the minivan, where she helps Laura out. The back door slides open, and Tyler’s breathing hitches.

There he is. He’s tall, with shaggy, dark hair, and for a minute, Tyler forgets that’s him.  _ That’s Josh. _

A part of him wants to ask why his mother would bring him here just to watch Josh go inside his house for the first time in thirteen years, but he knows why. He knows this is enough for now.

In the backseat, Maddy is playing some game on Zack’s Nintendo DS, something she has turned up entirely too loud. Zack has his body hunched towards the window, his nose in a book, and Jay is asleep, his thumb in his mouth as his head rests against the edge of his car seat. Tyler sighs and turns back around. 

Josh disappears inside.

Ten minutes later, their mother climbs back into the car. Her face is soaked in tears again as she smiles. It’s big and goofy and heartwarming.

“He’s okay,” she promises.

It’s all Tyler needs for now.

\---

The two had not only been next door neighbors from the time they were born but were best friends, seemingly by the fate of the universe. The Duns and the Josephs had been close far before children came into the picture, and remained close afterward as well. Josh was born first, Tyler second, in the same hospital even-- and only six months apart. As soon as they were old enough to toddle, they were together, playing with trucks, drawing with chalk, visiting the park with their hands attached to their mothers. The two remained inseparable, even after they each had another sibling come into the picture, and their families made sure they would never have to be apart. Josh was a grade above Tyler, so he got to go to kindergarten first. The second he would get home, he’d be in Tyler’s living room, telling him about all the cool things he got to do.

“There are crafts, and snacks, and crayons, and glue, and we get to sing and even take naps! Although I don’t like taking naps. That’s no fun.”

And every time, Tyler would become more and more jealous and tell his mom about all the cool things Josh got to do in kindergarten.

“One more year baby,” his mother would say as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, “one more year.”

December rolled around and Tyler’s fifth birthday was coming up. He was very excited--  _ finally, _ he was a big kid, he was Josh’s age, and he was  _ soooooooo _ close to kindergarten, to all the fun things Josh got to do. Snacks and crafts and crayons and toys and so much more! Just a few more months.

He was supposed to have a birthday party that night. His mother spent the whole day decorating the house as snow billowed outside. It was soft snow and didn’t seem to be sticking, but Tyler was excited nonetheless. He kept making glances out the window as his mother strung a banner that said “Happy 5th Birthday!” in bold green letters and placed a matching green tablecloth over the coffee table. She laid out the goodie bags, and his cake, a cheesy looking t-rex cake Tyler thought was awesome and put out a bunch of snacks. Tyler bounced around his house with so much energy his mother debated sending him outside. He strapped a party hat on, pulling the string taut under his chin as he climbed back into the windowsill and waited for Josh to come over.

It was a Friday, so Josh had school. Unlike normal days, there was a person waiting for him that was not his mother nor his father, who claimed he was Josh’s uncle.

Spoiler alert: he was not Josh’s uncle.

The car sped off, and Josh was gone, him and the stranger on their way to who knows where. Josh’s parents had pulled into the parent pick up circle only minutes later to discover their eldest son was gone.

After a teacher had said she saw Josh climb into a white Subaru with a bearded man, the police were called immediately, and soon the town learned everything. He was a college friend, an old boyfriend, who never forgave Laura for breaking up with him. He wanted a son and a son he got. The police looked everywhere, tried everything, but there were no leads. He had definitely thought hard about his plan. 

Josh was gone.

Tyler’s mother got the phone call from Laura shortly after the police got involved. He remembered hearing his mother gasp, a hand over her mouth, as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. Only a few kids were over, and no Josh, but his mother had told him soon. And then it was, “Josh isn’t coming over.”

And Tyler cried. He didn’t understand. Josh was his best friend, how could Josh not come to his birthday party? Tyler was five! He was a big kid, just like Josh, and they were going to color, and play dinosaurs, and eat cake and open presents!

As the events unfolded in front of him, Tyler kept expecting Josh to come over the next day. And the next day. And the next day.

He didn’t understand that Josh wasn’t going to come over anymore.

Tyler cried. His parents tried to distract him with chocolate chip cookies, but he couldn’t even eat those. “I want Josh!” he would scream, and his parents did everything they could to comfort him.

“He’ll be home soon, sweetheart,” his mother would coo, lying to him, because it was all she could do to calm him down. At first, Tyler believed them, but as the years passed, he knew it was nothing but a lie. He understood why they had done that.

His mother began spending all her time comforting Laura, who spent all  _ her _ time sobbing into her hands. The first couple of weeks, his mother would hold her while she cried into her hands, rocking back and forth slowly like she was sitting in a rowboat. Sometimes, late at night when the Dun’s were over, Tyler would sneak down the stairs just to catch a glimpse of the adults, and he’d see Josh’s mother there, an orange bottle shaking in her hand as tiny white pills tumbled into her palm. Her husband wasn’t around much, usually at home with Josh’s younger sister Ashley. The town was very supportive, trying to look for Josh, forming search parties, giving the officers steaming cups of coffee, but eventually, the news reporters all left, the officers gave up, and the neighborhood returned to normal. Tyler attended a few therapy sessions here and there, to avoid “trauma,” as the officers put it. His excitement to start kindergarten quickly faded when his mother made it very clear he wasn’t going to step foot in a public school, opting for homeschooling instead. Josh’s elementary school tightened security to make sure another child would never go missing again. The unsolved case of Josh Dun was shelved, but he was never forgotten about.

Tyler would have nightmares and wake up drenched in sweat. His mother would hold him, and for a second, Tyler would think about how Josh’s mother might never get to hold her son ever again.

The Dun’s moved across town about a year after Josh disappeared. Laura claimed the house held too many bad memories, and Tyler’s mother agreed (but she usually agreed with everything Laura said.) They still went over though, for dinner and movies. Their families grew; Both gained a baby girl and boy, and it took Tyler everything to forget about the fact that Josh would never meet them.

Laura stayed hopeful. Sometimes police would call with a lead or an eyewitness account, but it would hit a dead end every time. Three years passed, then six, then ten, and still no Josh. At thirteen years, many thought he was dead.

But he wasn’t. He was more alive than ever.

Josh was  _ home. _

Tyler isn’t sure when he’s going to get to speak to Josh. After the sea of reporters and journalists swallowed his doorstep, Tyler sat in the car for a few more minutes, his heart racing, his palms sweaty, before his mother sent him a text.  _ Take the kids home. I’ll be back later. _

So he did, and that left him here, sitting at the kitchen table, his laptop open in front of him to his Fitzgerald essay. He flips through a few more pages of notes and sighs loudly. As much as he appreciates Fitzgerald as an author, writing essays was not his most favorite thing in the world.

The back door creaks open, and Tyler glances up to watch his father file into the kitchen. He flashes a smile and leans against the island. “Hey, kiddo.”

“Hey.” The laptop closes and Tyler leans back in his chair. “How was work?”

“Alright. How was your day?” Tyler shrugs. His father scoffs. “That seems like a bit of an understatement.”

“Josh is home,” is all he can say, all he can  _ think. _ His father sighs, runs a calloused palm through his hair, and rubs his neck. He’s the principal of a private school downtown, so Tyler is sure he gets stressed most days. Teenagers are ruthless.

“I heard. Your mother called me.” He’s looking, studying Tyler, trying to see into his very soul. “Where are your siblings?”

“Around.” It’s about five o’clock. His dad must have had a lot of work to do.

“They’re probably starving. How about I take you all out for dinner somewhere?”

“I have homework.”

“Tyler.” He moves towards the kitchen table and sits across from his son. “Mom isn’t going to be home for a while. And I know things are hard at the moment, but they’re going to get better, easier, with time. You’ll be able to see Josh soon. There’s just a bunch of legal stuff he has to do first.”

Tyler scoffs. “Maybe I can start going back to the therapist! You think he’d still let me choose out the color of my lollipop?”

Dad rolls his eyes. “All I’m saying is that a distraction is good for now. When your mother comes home, I’m sure she’ll talk to you about Josh. For now, whaddya say? Pizza or hamburgers?”

“How about BBQ?” Zack asks as he pads into the kitchen for a water bottle. Tyler watches in irritation as he unscrews the cap and waterfalls half the thing. Why doesn’t he ever just  _ drink it normally? _

“I think maybe letting Tyler pick is the right thing to do tonight.”

“I’m fine with barbeque.” He stands up, stretches, and shoves his hands into his pockets. “Just realized-- I’m starving.”

“Go round up Maddy and Jay and we’ll head out.”

“I’ll do it,” volunteers Zack as he heads upstairs to collect the youngins’. Tyler continues to stare off into space, still in a little bit of shock that Josh is back, that Josh is  _ home. _ Does he remember who Tyler is? Does he remember all the things Tyler has  _ never  _ forgotten about?

“Tyler? You okay?”

He blinks a few times and looks over at his father. With a tight, small smile, he nods. “I’m fine.”

\---

Later that night, long after they’ve eaten and his younger siblings are in bed, Tyler sits in the living room watching some nature documentary on television. He’s not really paying much attention, mostly just using it for white noise, as he tries to find a distraction away from Josh.

His father sits in his recliner next to the sofa, his reading glasses perched on his nose as he reads his historical fiction novel Tyler is pretty sure he’s been working on for at least a month now. When the front door opens, both turn and watch Tyler’s mother walk in. She looks absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” she offers a smile as she drops down next to Tyler on the sofa. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Tyler replies for what feels like the hundredth time today. His mother doesn’t believe him, he knows that. He’s thankful he doesn’t have to explain himself.

“It was an emotional day at the Dun household, I can tell you that.” She sighs. “Josh is alright. He’s a little distant, but that’s to be expected.”

“How’d they find him?”

“He walked into a police station and told them he thought he had been kidnapped. Apparently, he grew up believing his parents were dead. I can’t even imagine.”

Tyler’s eyes widen. He can’t imagine that either. Josh must be traumatized.

“They found his file almost immediately. Josh’s disappearance had been a pretty big nationwide thing.” Right. Tyler remembered. “He met his younger siblings, said hello, and went upstairs to his room. Or his new room.” His mother shakes her head again. Her hands tremble. “Laura is still pretty hysterical, and Josh needs time to adjust to things. So as much as I know you want to see him, it’s probably best for you to give him some space.”

Space?  _ Space? _ Tyler wasn’t able to talk to his best friend, who he hadn’t seen in  _ thirteen years, _ because he needed  _ space? _

Irritated, Tyler nods his head. As annoying as it was, it made sense. Josh was having to basically start his life all over again; this was the least Tyler could do.

“Just a week or so. He still has some stuff to go over at the police station. The man that took him is still out there, so any information he can offer to help catch him is appreciated. Like I said before, this is all new to him. I know Ohio is where he was born, but he hasn’t lived here in thirteen years. Plus, new room, new house, new family.” 

“Things will be okay in due time,” adds his father, and Tyler nods again.

“Sure.”

“How much food have they gotten?”

Tyler’s mother laughs, soft and gentle. “Lots of casseroles and jello.”

“I’ll eat some jello,” offers Tyler, forcing a smile of his own.

“I’m sure they’d love that.” She pats Tyler’s knee and stands up. “I’m going back over tomorrow to help clean and keep an eye on the kids, just for a few hours so Laura can take Josh to the station. Tyler, can you take care of the house while I’m gone?”

“‘Course.”

“Thank you. Remember, bedtime at ten, lights out at ten thirty.”

“Of course,” Tyler lies. Who seriously goes to bed at ten thirty?

“Good.” After a kiss to his cheek, Tyler’s mother disappears into the kitchen, leaving him with his father once more. They share a look before Tyler stands up.

“I’m heading to bed.”

“Really? So soon? You don’t want to finish your show?” He continues to peer at him over the top of his glasses. Tyler only shrugs and turns to head up the stairs.

\---

“So you haven’t even spoken to him yet?” Mark asks as he begins flipping through records. Tyler sighs as he keeps a close eye on his selections. He’s been looking for a good one.

Mark was a freshman in college, one grade above Tyler. They had met at one of Tyler’s club basketball games; he had been taking pictures for some local newspaper and they ended up hitting it off. That had been almost five years ago, and without Mark, Tyler really wasn’t sure how he would have pushed through all the Josh stuff. Therapy and medicine could only do so much.

“Nope. I’ve been commanded to ‘give him space.’”

Mark’s nose wrinkles. “What? What does that mean?”

“It could mean a lot of things. For now, it means I can’t talk or see him until his family deems him comfortable. What I don’t understand is why I’m being told to give him space when he’s being forced to spend all his time in a house with a family he doesn’t even know.”

“The dude’s lived quite a fucked up life. I think getting to know his family will be good for him. I’m sure they’re probably pampering him in that house since he’s on lockdown and stuff.”

“My mom’s been over there every day this week. I wish I could just go with her one of these days.” Tyler shakes his head and reaches out to stop Mark from flipping. “Dude, that album is fantastic.”

_ “Licensed to Ill?”  _ Mark pulls the album out and hands it to Tyler, who sets it to the side to scan his other choices. As much as he would love to leave with a gazillion records, he told himself only one. “Didn’t realize you were a Beastie Boys fan.”

“I think it’s a crime to  _ not _ like the Beastie Boys.” Tyler scoffs and gently nudges Mark out of the way to resume record browsing. He’s on letter D when he finds the album he wants, no questions asked--  _ Transatlanticism. _

And right as he reaches for it, someone on the other side of the shelves does as well. They must have seen the back and realized, like Tyler, who it was.

“Oh, sorry,” Tyler says as he pulls his hand away, and his breath lodges in his throat.

It’s Josh.

Up close, he looks even more like a stranger. His long brown hair is straightened, his bangs covering his forehead, and his eyes gleam a dark shade of brown. He’s pale, and tall, and he’s got a nose ring.

Mark nudges him, urging him to say something, but Tyler is unable to do so. His tongue is numb and his mouth is dry.

“Hey,” Josh says, and his  _ voice, _ wow. “Tyler, right?”

_ Yes. I’m Tyler. We were best friends up until you were kidnapped. _ “Yeah.”

“We used to be neighbors.” He smiles, and Tyler’s cheeks blush.

“Yeah,” Tyler says again. Josh clears his throat.

“So, you’re a Death Cab fan?”

“Yes, he is,” Mark speaks up for him, throwing an arm around Tyler’s shoulders, “the biggest fan.”

“Well I wouldn’t go that far,” Tyler starts, but Josh interrupts.

“That’s awesome. I love them too. I got to see them in concert a few times. You?”

“Never been to a concert,” Tyler sheepishly admits. Josh’s eyebrows disappear into his hair.

“Shit, seriously? That sucks.”

“Yeah.” A pause. “I thought you were on lockdown?”

Josh scoffs. “Feels like that. I can’t go anywhere without my mom freaking out. I’m here with my dad.” He points behind him, where sure enough, Mr. Dun is sifting through the ninety-nine cent CD bin. “Today’s the first day I’ve been allowed to leave.”

“That’s a step up,” Mark offers. “I’m Mark, by the way.”

“Josh.”

“I know.”

Tyler clears his throat. “Well, you can have the record.”

Josh looks surprised. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. They restock the records here every few weeks anyway, so it’ll be back. Besides, I’ve got this.” He holds up  _ Licensed to Ill  _ and smiles. “Take it.”

“Thanks, Tyler.” The record gets pulled tightly to his chest and suddenly the two of them are five again, Josh is blowing hair out of his eyes, and clutching a plastic dinosaur in his clammy palms. Tyler suddenly gets an overwhelming urge to break down into tears.

Mr. Dun comes back over and clasps his son on the shoulder. “You ready to go, kiddo?”

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’ll see you guys around. Nice to meet you, Mark.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

Tyler’s hands shake. Mark is touching his shoulders again. “Ty? You okay?”

“No,” he whispers. “I’m not.”

A sigh. Mark takes the album and guides Tyler to the counter, where he purchases it for his friend and steers him out to his car.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Mark is studying him, making sure he’s okay, just like Tyler’s parents did. Just like everyone has done. How many times were people going to ask if he was okay? He wasn’t okay. He hadn’t been okay since the day Josh disappeared.

“You don’t regret it,” Mark finally says. Tyler looks up from his hands.

“What?” 

“I know you would have told me you regret coming to the record store today on this wonderfully dreary and soggy Ohio day, but you don’t. Because you got to see Josh. And even though you aren’t okay, you’re glad you got to see him.”

“Yeah,” he admits.

“I think this whole ‘give him space’ thing will be easier now, don’t you think?”

Tyler shrugs. Mark starts his car.

“Let’s go back to my house. I’ll make you hot chocolate and we can listen to records, alright?”

“Yes,” Tyler nods. 

Thank God for Mark.


	2. Insurrection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be trying to post on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays up until it's all posted! All of it's done so unless something comes up and I'm unable to post, then those are the days you should expect an update!
> 
> Thank you for all the love and comments on the first part, I'm glad y'all seem to be enjoying it! That means so much! <3

“I talked to Laura today,” his mother says the second she waltzes into her son’s bedroom. Tyler is sitting cross-legged on his bed, still working on his essay. It’s due today, and even though he’s had three _weeks_ to work on it, he’s been procrastinating hardcore. The last time he had even worked on it was the day Josh came home.

“Oh, yeah?” He doesn’t look up from his laptop and continues typing. Just one more paragraph and he’s done.

She frowns. “Tyler, I’m trying to have a conversation with you.”

“I promise I’m listening.” She reaches over to close his laptop. With a sigh, Tyler pushes his computer to the side and looks up at his mother’s soft expression.

“Josh is still having some issues.”

“What a surprise.” Luckily for him, his mother doesn’t recognize the sarcasm in his voice.

“I know. You’d think he’d be excited to be with his family again, but all he does is stay in his room with the door shut. Laura said he’s barely eating and hardly speaks to any of his siblings besides Ashley.”

“He doesn’t know any of his siblings besides Ashley. He was gone for thirteen years.”

“I understand that, but wouldn’t you think he’d want to _try_ to get to know his family better? He barely even speaks with his own parents. Laura doesn’t seem to think his weekly therapy sessions are doing him any good--”

“That’s what I claimed, yet you guys still made me go.”

“Do you want to start going back?” She’s got this weird glint in her eye like she’s about to start crying.

Tyler shrugs. “I don’t know. Anyway. Back to Josh.”

“Right. Well, Laura talked with Josh’s therapist, and both of them agreed that it would be good for Josh to be around someone he’s familiar with, someone that’s not his family.”

Oh, great. “So... that person is me.”

“We can give you some cash, and just the two of you could go see a movie or something. He just needs to get out of the house for a little while.”

“You guys can’t force him to leave his bedroom when he’s not comfortable--”

“Don’t you want to see him again?”

Tyler pauses. His eyes roll up to the ceiling as he takes a long deep breath. Does he want to see Josh again? Will he be able to _talk_ to Josh again?

“Tyler? Honey?”

“Yeah,” he finally says. “I do want to see him again. I’m just worried something will go wrong and he’ll hate me. Or maybe he doesn’t remember me at all and things are gonna be... awkward. Or maybe the dude that kidnapped him sees us in public and decides that he’s not only going to take Josh again, but take me too. And then, my dear mother, you will not see me until I’m a forty-year-old man--”

“Oh, hush. All I’m saying is that it’ll be good for Josh to have at least one familiar face and friend before he starts school again. He hasn’t been to public school since kindergarten so it’ll be nice--”

“Mom, I’m not even in public school. You lost your mind, remember?”

She rolls her eyes and pats his leg. “Alright, good talk. So I’ll just tell Laura that you’ll be by to pick Josh up on Friday night, okay?”

“Sure,” Tyler replies as he reaches for his laptop once more. Good, that gave him a few days to prepare for whatever awkwardness was going to come.

He returns to his essay and tries to forget about Josh.

\---

When Friday comes, Tyler dresses in a nice button-up shirt and a pair of khakis, per the request of his mother. She squeals when he comes down the stairs with a jacket pulled tight around his shoulders.

“You look so handsome,” whispers his mother as she presses a kiss to his forehead. Tyler rolls his eyes and gently nudges her away.

“I’m hanging out with a friend, not going on a date,” he tells her.

“I know that sweetheart, but you’re still my little boy.”

“I’m eighteen,” Tyler shouts over his shoulder as he grabs his car keys and heads for the garage. He hears his mother’s soft laughter as he climbs into his car and fiddles with the radio.

When the engine roars to life, he takes a couple breaths. _It’s only Josh. You wanted to see him like, only a few days ago. Then you saw him, and now you’re freaking out. It’s okay. Everything is okay._

“Everything is okay,” he repeats to himself a few times before he pulls out of the driveway and begins the drive to the Dun house. He’s been to enough family dinners to know exactly where the house is.

Except for this time, when the quaint, dull yellow house looms before him like a roller coaster with loops and his stomach clenches. He can do this. He can do this.

_I can do this._

He sits in his car for a few more minutes, listening to a replay of the “80s at 8!” program as he stares at the clock. The sun’s already starting to set and the air is crisp and frigid. Tyler takes a deep breath, pulls his jacket tighter around his shoulders, and steps out of the car.

 _I can do this,_ he continues to tell himself as he climbs the few steps to the porch and knocks on the door three solid times. His leg shakes as he takes deep breaths, watching his exhale in the cold air.

Laura opens the door and a smile rises to her face, one that stretches ear to ear. “Tyler! So good to see you. Thank you so much for doing this, we’ve been worried about him.”

“Sure,” Tyler nods, stepping over the threshold. He shuts the door and shoves his hands deep into his pockets. “When does he start school?”

“In a week. We’re gonna go tour the school tomorrow actually, make sure Josh has his schedule and knows his way around and stuff. I just, I’d like for him to have a friend before he starts, someone he can go to.”

“Right.” He tells himself Josh isn’t going to warm up to him right away and that’s alright. He’s only here to be a listening ear; if Josh doesn’t want him around, then he isn’t going to push it. Besides, the parents are the ones that are forcing him to be here. Josh probably isn’t ready to be hanging out with complete strangers.

_Not a complete stranger. You were friends, it’s just been a few years._

So... not complete strangers. Sort of strangers.

“Josh is still getting ready, he’ll be down in a few minutes. Can I get you something to drink?”

“No thank you, I’m okay.”

“Thanks again Tyler, you have no idea how much I appreciate this.” Her smile somehow grows bigger as she turns towards the kitchen. Tyler heads into the living room, where Jordan, Josh’s younger brother, is playing Mariokart on the Wii. Abbie sits on the sofa, coloring in a coloring book with a red crayon, and Ashley watches Jordan.

“Hey, Tyler,” Jordan tosses over his shoulder without looking away from the screen. He’s playing as Yoshi and is in second place.

“If you were Bowser, you’d be in first,” Tyler says back. Ashley scoffs.

“We all know Peach is the best.”

“Yoshi,” Jordan argues. Tyler grins smugly.

“You guys like Josh?” He asks, glancing up at the stairs. He wonders when Josh will come down and he’s going to have to pretend like things are okay.

“He’s nice,” Abbie speaks up. Unlike her brother, she actually looks up from her coloring book, her red crayon clenched tight in her hand. “He doesn’t like being around us, though.”

“That’s not true,” Tyler starts, but he’s interrupted by the creaking of the staircase. He looks up, and there’s Josh.

His hair is curly this time; he must not have had time to straighten it, and Tyler has to admit, it looks a lot better. It fits him, and he can see the little white plugs Josh has in his ears. He’s wearing a black sweatshirt that says “Oh no” in white lettering and a pair of blue jeans with a hole in the knee. He’s also got a pair of scuffed black Doc Martens on his feet, and Tyler feels his throat tighten. Josh is gorgeous. He’s absolutely gorgeous.

This is terrible.

“Hey, Josh, Tyler’s here!” Abbie shouts from the couch as Tyler stands up. The two of them stare at each other for a few seconds before a small smile rises to Josh’s lips.

“Hey, Tyler.”

“Hey, Josh.” Tyler clears his throat and walks back towards the front door as Josh comes the rest of the way down the stairs. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” he says as he pulls open the closet and reaches for a beanie. It’s black, like the rest of his clothes, and the second it’s on his head, Tyler feels like slamming his own head against the wall. Somehow, _somehow,_ he looks even more attractive. “Bye, Mom.”

“Goodbye, sweetheart! Have fun!” Laura shouts from the kitchen. Josh pulls open the front door.

“Let’s go before Laura decides that she’s going to come with us.” He rolls his eyes and gestures for Tyler to follow, who does. Tyler ignores the fact that Josh called his mother by her first name.

Tyler unlocks his car and climbs in, Josh doing the same on the passenger side. He doesn’t turn his head. “So... the parentals wanted us to go see a movie, but I figured if you aren’t up to it, we could go do something else, or pretend or something. I know we’re sorta being forced to hang out together--”

“Nah, it’s fine. It’s probably good for me to get out. Besides, this is the first time my parents aren’t breathing down my neck.”

“Yeah. Well. What movie do you wanna see?”

“Movies are lame. We won’t really be able to talk much.”

 _That’s sorta the point,_ Tyler thinks, but he nods his head. “Right. Well, there’s something else I had in mind.”

“What’s that?” Josh looks up at him with his shimmering dark brown eyes and Tyler _knows_ he can trust Josh. He actually looks interested, like he _wants_ to be here, not because his parents are making him go out so he has a “friend.”

“I sort of have this secret only a couple people know about,” Tyler starts his car and backs out of the driveway.

“Oh?” Josh cocks an eyebrow.

“Yeah. I’ll explain when we get down there, it’s about a fifteen minute drive.”

“You’re going to kidnap me, aren’t you?” Josh is joking of course, but Tyler doesn’t say anything. Awkwardness hangs over their heads until Tyler clears his throat.

“You can pick the music if you want,” he points to the center console where there are a few stacks of CDs.

Josh reaches for _Daisy_ and smiles to himself. “You have great taste in music.”

“Thank you.”

He pushes the CD into the slot and they drive.

\---

On the outskirts of town is a small music store that not only sells instruments but gives lessons as well. Tyler has been coming here for a while now; it’s a place for him to get away and forget about all the crap in his life.

Tyler kills the engine and looks over at Josh’s expression. Josh seems surprised.

“A music store?”

“Yeah. I’ve been coming here a few times a week for about a year and a half now. It’s just a good place for me to... get away.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Of course not. If they knew I was sneaking away to play the piano in a music store...” Tyler shakes his head and sighs as he leans back in his chair. “Here’s the thing. After you disappeared, the whole town sorta freaked, and my parents didn’t want me going to public school, so I started homeschooling. And I’m not going to get any academic scholarships, so athletics was the second best thing.” He scoffs, looks to see that Josh is still listening, and continues. “So I started playing basketball when I was about eight, and here we are. Practice three times a week, games on the weekends, that kind of stuff. If they even knew I was focused on something besides basketball, I’d be lectured. They’re very organized people, so the thought that I would even dare try and change things up is unheard of.”

“So you’re an athlete who wants to sing. Huh. Sounds like the plot of this really popular Disney movie--”

“Shut up, dude.” Tyler shakes his head as heat rises to his cheeks, but he can’t help but smile. Josh chuckles quietly to himself.

“Do you write songs though?”

“Yeah. I’ve written some stuff. It’s just, it’s cathartic is all. Helpful.” He trails off. Josh gently rests a hand on Tyler’s shoulder. It surprises him enough for him to look up at the boy that had been gone for thirteen years.

“I understand that. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Josh smiles. His cheeks are covered in freckles, Tyler notices, tiny ones that stretch over his nose. “Are you gonna play for me or what?”

“Uh, yeah! Uhm, the store usually closes at five, but they do lessons usually until six or seven, depending on the night. They all know me though, so they let me use a practice room after close.” Together, they climb out of the car and head towards the shop. There’s a sign on the door that reads “Closed, Lessons Only,” but Tyler pushes through. The store owner, Jim, smiles politely at him as they enter.

“Good to see you, Tyler! We’re closing at seven tonight, but you are more than welcome to use the practice room.”

“Thanks, Jim. This is Josh, by the way. He’s spending the evening with me.” Tyler jabs a thumb behind him, and judging by Jim’s face, he knows perfectly well who Josh is, as does everybody in the town, but he says nothing, only nods.

“Very nice to meet you, Josh. Have fun!” Jim waves goodbye as Tyler pulls Josh towards the back of the store, past all the baby grand pianos and guitars and lesson books, through the door that leads to the practice rooms. The one in the very back is Tyler’s favorite; inside is a beautiful, cream white piano that makes him feel like Elton John. He’s nicknamed it Seattle, somewhere he hopes he can visit someday.

Josh sits down on the stool next to him and watches Tyler’s long, slender fingers settle across the keys. “How you find out about this?”

“There was this old keyboard I found at a church garage sale,” Tyler presses, feather-light, for a small tone to resonate in the air. “I was interested, so I bought it. My therapist at the time had said writing poetry would help deal with your loss and some other stuff.” He pauses and takes a moment to look over at Josh’s expression. Josh is listening, and it’s very evident in his face that he wants to hear what Tyler has to say. “I struggled with depression and anxiety, I sorta still do. I ended up going to an outpatient program, started on some medicine, and I’m okay now, but the poetry stuff still helped. And when I found that keyboard, I figured, hey, wouldn’t it be cool if I made music for my words? And so super cool musician Tyler was born.” With a chuckle, Tyler shifts nervously on the bench and readjusts his position. Josh remains silent. “It helps. It helps a lot. The idea that I can come in here, sit down, and press keys until they make an okay sound makes me feel so much better about the situation I’m in. And now that you’re home--” He stops himself short. He shouldn’t have brought that up, things were going to be awkward now, oh God, what had he done?

“Hey, Tyler? I think that it’s really awesome that you do this. I get it, the depression, the anxiety, because I take anxiety meds of my own, and ever since I got back, I’ve been having to go to therapy sessions of my own, for the ‘trauma,’ or whatever.” Josh rolls his eyes. “Anyway, I understand the music thing. I play drums, actually. Or did, rather.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He smiles. “I promise I won’t tell anybody your secret.”

A scoff. “Thank you.”

“So do they do any other lessons besides piano?”

Tyler runs a hand through his hair and nods. “Uh, yeah. Guitar.”

“You didn’t try that?”

“I did, actually. My hands are too soft and much too small.” The two of them burst into soft chuckles until Josh nods towards the piano.

“Will you play for me?”

“Sure.” Tyler closes his eyes and plays. He briefly thinks about the fact that he’s never played for anyone, not even Mark or his friend Jenna, and definitely, _definitely,_ not his parents. He has no clue why he’s doing this for Josh. Tyler doesn’t really understand the feelings swirling around his head at the moment. He blames his parents for making him hang out with Josh.

When Tyler finishes, he pulls his hands away and rests them at his sides. Josh blinks a few times before he erupts into applause, causing a warm heat to rise to Tyler’s cheeks.

“Dude, you are _incredible._ And you don’t know the notes or anything?”

“No,” replies Tyler quietly, “I just know what sounds good, and go from there.”

“Absolutely incredible. Dude, you have a talent. I really do think if you showed your parents--”

“No. Definitely not. They wouldn’t understand. Besides, on top of that, I don’t really want to go to college anymore, and at the end of the year there are going to be basketball scouts looking for people to give scholarships and my parents are so certain I’m going to get one. ‘You’re good enough,’ they tell me, but what if I don’t get in?” He shakes his head. “I don’t even have an interest in spending more time suffering at school.”

“I get that. I don’t think I’m gonna go to college either. It’s not for me, especially after all this bullshit.” Josh huffs. “I spent my whole childhood believing my parents were dead. How fucked up is that?”

Tyler doesn’t say anything. He begins to pick at his fingernails.

“His name is Greg. He told me he was my uncle, and I was five at the time, so I believed him, and I believed that he was my only family. I know now that everyone thinks he’s a creep and a criminal, but he really wasn’t that bad of a guy. He wanted a kid so bad, and he told me every day how lucky he was to have me. And I really didn’t get it. I never really understood. I thought he was homeschooling me because he hated the public education systems, that we moved all over the place because he wanted to travel. But it sorta all makes sense to me now. I was never allowed to eat sugar because a trip to the dentist meant--”

“Dental records on file,” Tyler whispers. Josh nods.

“Exactly. No orthodontist either. Good thing my teeth are straight.” He forces a smile and continues. “We were constantly moving because of the police. I wasn’t allowed to go to school because of rising suspicions and everyone knew about the kid from Columbus who got kidnapped by my mom’s ex-boyfriend.”

“I can’t imagine,” mumbles Tyler. He wishes he could say more, but this is some heavy, heavy stuff.

“I had overheard a phone call a few months ago when he said something about my parents and the “Dun” kid, and I got suspicious. I walked into a library, googled my name, and realized that yeah, I had been kidnapped,” he scoffs, “and now I’m back, and I’m having cameras shoved in my face, and I’m having to go to a gazillion therapy appointments and my parents are trying to force family on me and--” Josh stops himself short. Tears are burning the corner of his eyelids. “I come home thirteen years later to realize that I have more siblings than just Ashley now. I have a new brother and a new sister, and this is the first time they’ve met me. And this whole situation is so... _terrifying_ to me. I don’t think they understand that they are strangers to me. And I know they wanted me to come home to them and jump right back into being a big, happy family, but I’m not ready for that yet. I don’t know if I’ll be ready for that a month from now. And I start school next week and I’m not looking forward to all the eyes that are going to be on me. I’m just, I’m glad I got those therapy sessions ‘cause I really need them.” Josh takes a long pause to run his fingers through his hair and sighs loudly. “Anyways, sorry for dropping all that on you. Yikes.”

“No, it’s okay. I just didn’t realize our date was going to turn into a group therapy session.” Tyler laughs a little and looks up to meet Josh’s smug look.

His face breaks out into a smirk. “Oh, so this is a date?”

Tyler’s face turns red. “Well no, I just meant, like our outing--”

“I know Ty, I’m just messing with you.” _Ty._ Josh hadn’t called him that since they were kids.

He seems to realize his slip up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean--”

“It’s fine,” Tyler waves him off, “It was sorta nice, actually. I haven’t been called that in a long time.”

“Since I left?”

“Since you left.” The room becomes silent again. They can hear the faint plucking of guitar strings in the practice room nearby. “I’m sorry I’m so awkward.”

“S’okay, so am I.” Josh points to the piano again. “Anything else you can play for me?”

“Yeah, I got some stuff up my sleeve.” Josh settles comfortably, his thigh pressed up against Tyler’s, as Tyler rests his fingers back on the keys and launches into another song.

\---

After that, when they’re back on the road, Tyler asks Josh if he's hungry. “You ever been to Chipotle?”

“Nope,” Josh replies, popping the p. “No fast food, remember?”

“This is better than any fast food you'll ever eat.”

“Cool,” he says as Tyler holds the door open for him. Josh looks around the restaurant in wonder like he’s in an art museum or something, and it makes Tyler smile a little. Everything that is normal for Tyler is extraordinary to Josh.

“So the burritos here are like, as big as my forearm, so I hope you’re starving.”

“I’m always starving.”

“Fantastic.” Tyler orders first, a chicken burrito with pinto beans and every sauce imaginable. Josh orders the same thing, but instead of Tyler’s whirlwind of sauces, he only gets guacamole and sour cream. With the addition of two cokes, Tyler slaps the twenty dollar bill his parents gave for the movies onto the counter.

“You don’t have to pay for me,” Josh starts to argue, but Tyler holds his hand out to stop him.

“Technically my parents are paying, so,” he shrugs, a grin on his face, as the worker gives him his change and they take their food to a table in the back. Both of them are quiet as they sip their sodas.

Josh clears his throat. “Okay, so this burrito.”

“You’ll love it.” Tyler leans forward on his elbows, watching as Josh raises the burrito to his mouth and takes the biggest bite he can muster. A loud moan leaves his mouth, one so sexual sounding that Tyler has to duck his head to hide his blush. Josh is his friend, his friend, only his _friend--_

“Dude, that is so fucking good.”

“I told you so.”

“God, how have I lived my whole life without eating one of these?” He takes another bite, closes his eyes, and moans again. Tyler rubs at the back of his neck.

“Next time I’ll take you to Qdoba. Or Taco Bell. Actually, we’ll probably get to both at some point.”

“So there’s going to be another time?” Josh smirks. Tyler blushes again.

“I’d like another time.”

“I’d like another time too.” Josh pauses to wipe his hands on a napkin and leans back in his chair. “You know, Greg and I, we moved all over. First, it was Scranton, then we went up to Albany, and then he decided we needed a change in scenery, so we headed west. Arizona, New Mexico, and then California. Los Angeles, actually. Greg’s family was actually pretty wealthy, he actually took really good care of me. Anyway, unfortunately, that meant I didn’t get the chance to make a lot of friends.”

“I’m sorry,” Tyler whispers.

“We lived in California the longest, about two years. He even let me go off on my own, for the first time ever. And for the first time, I actually had some friends. They got me this job down in this little bistro without me having to give them all my information, and they paid me in cash, plus the tips I got. And here, I met my girlfriend.”

“Oh, girlfriend?” Tyler feels his heart drop. Okay, Josh is definitely not gay. Of course not. He’s too good looking for that. And they haven’t talked in thirteen years, the idea that the two of them could ever _date_ was absolutely insane, right?

Right?

“Yeah, her name is Debby. My parents actually took me to the phone store to get all my contacts transferred from the phone Greg let me have, so I can show you a picture.” Josh fishes his phone out of his pocket and turns it towards Tyler’s way. She’s cute, that’s very obvious, with faded strawberry blonde hair and big eyes, Josh’s arm around her shoulders. It makes his stomach clench.

“She’s pretty,” Tyler nods, trying to be supportive, because he knows it’s something Josh really needs.

“Yeah, I miss her a lot.” His phone disappears, along with all his good memories, back into his pocket. For a brief second, Tyler wonders if Josh hated being taken away from his old life. “What about you? You have a girlfriend?”

“I’m... gay, actually.” Tyler crosses his arms and shifts uncomfortably in his seat. The only people that knew that about him were Mark and Jenna, and he planned to keep it that way. For some reason, he kept giving away his secrets to his best friend from thirteen years ago.

Josh’s eyes widen. “Oh. I mean, that’s fine. There were a lot of gay people back in Los Angeles--”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Josh sighs. “Sorry. I really don’t have a problem with that, though. Thanks for telling me.”

“Just, keep it under wraps, okay? Not many people know.”

He mimics locking his sealed lips and throwing away the key, causing Tyler’s smile, his stupid shy smile, to return to his lips.

“Thanks, Josh.”

“Any time.”

\---

After dinner, Tyler takes Josh home. They sit in silence, listening to the roar of the heater and the radio on a low hum. Josh sighs.

“Well, thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too. Hopefully, we can do that again?” Tyler looks at him with wide eyes. Josh nods.

“I’d like that. It’s nice, pretending like things are normal. Now I gotta go back inside and deal with my family.”

“You know, Jordan and Abbie like you. They just don’t get to know who you really are, because you’re always in your room--”

“Oh, like you know who I really am?”

Tyler’s brow furrows. “I didn’t mean it like that--”

“Whatever.” Josh slams the passenger side door as he climbs out and heads into his house. Tyler sits in his car for a few more seconds before putting it into reverse, his blood pounding in his ears.

_Way to go. Way to go, you idiot._

They had been having such a great night, maybe it could have gone on for longer, if only Tyler hadn’t been a dumbass. He sighs, and finally backs out of the driveway, his eyes on Josh’s bedroom window, where the light turns on. Through the curtains, he sees Josh’s shadow, and with one last heavy sigh, the night is forgotten as Tyler drives home in silence.

\---

When he gets home, his parents jump him.

Okay, not literally, but it sort of feels that way. He barely has time to hang his keys up before they start rapid firing him questions.

“Did you have fun?” Asks his mother.

“What movie did you see? Was it good? Should we go see it?” Questions his father.

“How was Josh? Did he seem normal? Distraught? Distant?”

Tyler huffs and drops down into a seat at the kitchen table. “Yeah, it was fun. We saw some action film, it really wasn’t that good, but Josh spent the whole time making sarcastic comments. He’s actually quite hilarious, I’m pretty sure he’s the next, uhm...” He was drawing a blank to famous comedians. “Comedian.”

“So he seemed okay?” His mother presses further. Tyler wonders if Laura is on call waiting for Tyler to spill all the juicy secrets about her long lost son.

“He seemed fantastic. Are you guys done interrogating me now?”

“Tyler, are you being honest? I need you to be completely serious.” Tyler can’t get over his mother’s pleading look. Dang it.

He sighs. “Okay, look. He’s stressed, okay? He’s been gone for thirteen years, off living with a stranger who tried to give him the best life possible. He had friends and traveled and did a lot of stuff. Being back in Ohio is weird for him. He doesn’t know how to act. He’s not used to his new siblings or his family’s style of living. He needs time to feel normal before he can act like they’re _his_ family.”

Tyler’s parents are silent. He watches their faces, studies their expressions, and when he realizes they aren’t going to press any further, stands up from the table. “Thanks for the money for tonight. I had a great time. If you tell Mrs. Dun any of this, please don’t let her know I told you. I don’t want Josh to feel uncomfortable around me too.”

He hadn’t meant it in a rude way, but he realized how it sounded only after he said it. With one more sigh, Tyler heads upstairs for bed. Zack and Jay are already asleep, and he stands, watching them, wondering what it would feel like to be meeting them for the first time right now.

He can’t do it. He just can’t.

\---

The next morning, Tyler has a basketball game. They win, 38-30, and to celebrate, he meets Mark and Jenna for ice cream.

“Spill all the juicy deets about your date with Josh,” Mark jokes as he shovels ice cream into his mouth while simultaneously wiggling his eyebrows. Tyler rolls his eyes.

“One, not a date. Like, at all. Two, there isn’t anything ‘juicy’ about it.”

“What’d you guys do, go see a movie?” Jenna asks, waving her plastic spoon around. Tyler shakes his head.

“Josh said movies made it hard to talk, so no movie. Personally, I was okay with that.”

“Ooooh, he wanted to talk to you.” Mark continues wiggling his eyebrows. Tyler swats at him.

“Shut up, Mark.”

“So what’d you do instead?” Jenna grins wide and leans forward on her elbows. The two had met at church, and she was a year younger than him, but they had become just as good of friends as him and Mark, and the golden trio was born. Tyler has no clue what he would do without them.

“Actually, I took him to Jim’s.”

“You--did you play piano for him?” Jenna’s smile disappears.

“Yeah, he actually plays drums, how awesome is that?”

“You haven’t ever played piano for us. We’re your best friends, and you played piano for someone you haven’t seen in _thirteen years?”_ She actually seems offended about that. Tyler frowns.

“It was in the moment, I just, he’s always been someone I thought of, you know all those therapy sessions I had to go through--”

“That’s not cool, Tyler. We’ve actually been there for you.”

“Yeah, well he would have too if he hadn’t fucking disappeared!” Jenna falls silent. Mark sucks in a breath. And then--

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I’ll play piano for you guys soon, I promise.”

“I know.” Jenna nods. “Sorry for killing the vibe.” She begins pushing her mint chocolate chip around in her cup.

“It’s fine,” Tyler promises. “Anyway, afterward we went to Chipotle because he’s never been there, or any fast food places really. Greg, uh, the dude that took him, was really careful with how they lived their lives.”

“Smart,” Marks points at Tyler before he shovels his last spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, “Did he tell you anything about his life?”

“Yeah, but that’s sorta private, I wouldn’t want him to be upset, any more than he is already.”

“He’s mad at you?”

“Err, yeah. I made a comment about his younger siblings, you know, the ones he never met until a couple weeks ago, and he got really upset. It was my fault, I need to apologize, just, in the moment it seemed like a good idea, you know?”

“Yeah, we all say things we shouldn’t.” Mark looks at Jenna, who ducks her head in embarrassment.

“Right,” she agrees. “Is he cute though?”

“You haven’t seen the pictures?” Mark asks in surprise. Jenna shakes her head.

“Nope. I’ve been trying to ignore them, just out of privacy. So spill the beans Tyler, what do you think? Is he hot? Any piercings, tattoos, that kind of stuff? Weird irregularities? Nice jawline? Nice ass?”

“Oh my God, please shut up!” He laughs nervously, his face starting to turn red. “For one, he has a girlfriend, so you aren’t going to pull anything for me, oh gracious wingman.”

“I thought I was your wingman,” Mark pouts.

“You are both my wingmen, but I’m not pulling any moves.”

“Tyler totally thinks Josh is hot. You should have seen the way he fell apart when they met in the record store last week. He was a blubbering idiot.”

“I was not!”

“Was too.”

“You know Tyler, just because Josh has a girlfriend does not mean he’s taken.”

“That’s exactly what that means.”

“She lives far away, at least, that’s what I’m assuming. Long distance relationships never work out. And you and Josh, you were close, and things are going to--”

“You are not going to set us up Jenna, understand? He and his girlfriend are happy, he’s totally straight--”

“He could be bi,” Jenna continues to argue. Tyler rolls his eyes again.

“I highly doubt that.”

“What needs to happen is he needs to hang out with us, and Jenna and I can be the judge of that. Seriously, we’ve got good gaydar.”

“Do not ever say that again.”

Jenna laughs. “You know we love you Ty-Guy, right?”

“Yeah, of course. But sometimes you two do stupid things and for once I am begging you not to do this with Josh.”

“We don’t ever do stupid things,” says Mark.

“You wrote my phone number at the bottom of a receipt for a waiter and told him to call me.”

“You said he was cute! We were only trying to help you out.”

“I don’t need any help!”

“You seriously need to get laid though, man. It’s been so long.”

“Oh, whatever. I seriously do _not_ need to get laid, at least, until like, I’m in college or something. I just need to wait for the right person because last time was pretty shitty.”

“He’s right,” Jenna agrees. “That didn’t end very well.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “No offense Jenna, but you wouldn’t understand.”

“Don’t you dare start with me, Eshleman.”

“I wouldn’t test her, dude.”

“Right.” He pulls out his phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for a date where we can invite Josh to hang out with us.”

“Nope,” Tyler shakes his head.

“Yes,” Jenna and Mark both reply.

Tyler groans.

\---

On Sunday, Tyler has church, in which he usually helps run the soundboard or helps his youth pastor with a few things here and there. He’s fine with it, even though he occasionally gets a wave of guilt when someone mentions something about him getting a girlfriend. He trusts everyone here though; they are some of the nicest people he’s ever met.

Plus, he gets to hang out with Jenna, which is always nice.

His Sundays are always the same and are something he looks forward too, especially after the Josh debacle. He wakes up at the same time, goes to church at the same time, runs the soundboard, runs his errands, talks to Jenna (and occasionally other churchgoers) and then he goes home.

Except for today. Because today when he comes to church, Josh is there, and Tyler runs into the wall.

“Hey Ty, do you have a second to talk?” Josh pushes his foot into the floor.

Tyler rubs his sore nose. “Uhm, I really, uh, gotta get to... uh, soundboard--”

“Look, I’m sorry about what I said Friday night. I know you were only trying to help and I’m sorry for being a dick about it.”

“It’s fine. I was out of line by making that comment anyway.” Tyler tries to push past Josh, who takes two steps to the side and blocks him. He’s shorter, but more well built. Tyler is almost certain Josh could throw him across the room with one hand.

“You weren’t though. Abbie and Jordan, they always want to talk to me and I ignore them because I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had new siblings. Look, I start school soon, and there’s going to be a lot of people who are going to want to talk to me about this whole ‘Kidnapping’ thing. I can’t keep pretending things are how they used to be. So I’m sorry for being a jerk and I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course I can. We’re still best friends, even if I haven’t seen you in thirteen years. We just have a lot of catching up to do is all.” Tyler smiles and Josh sighs with relief.

“You’re right. Anyway, I guess I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. Uhm, do you go to this church now or something?”

“Nah, Mom told me this was where the Joseph’s were on Sundays so I came to find you. She’s not very happy I’m missing church with the family, but hey, at least I’m here, right?” He shrugs. “Okay, I’ll let you get back to work. See you later.”

“Right,” Tyler nods, and one shared smile later, Josh walks back down the hallway. Tyler would be lying if he said he didn’t look at Josh’s butt as he rounded the corner.

He sighs to himself. Dammit. Maybe Mark and Jenna were right.


	3. Speak Easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back on Tumblr! Follow me at svhlofolina and send me an ask or something! :-)
> 
> See you on Sunday for the next update! <3

Tyler pulls Jenna to the side as soon as congregation ends. She eyes him strangely as he reflexively begins to chew on his thumbnail.

“What the heck is going on with you?”

“You’ll never guess who was just here.”

She rolls her eyes. “Josh. Easy.”

Tyler pouts. “Fine. You’re right.”

“Did he confess his love? Tell you he broke up with his girlfriend? Ask you to marry him?”

“What? No. He apologized. And then I apologized.”

“So... you made up?”

“We made up.”

“Tyler?” The two turn their attention toward Tyler’s mother, who is ushering the rest of the children out of the building. “We’re leaving.”

“Go ahead Mom, I’ll be with Jenna for a while.” She nods, and Tyler turns back to Jenna. “Things are going to be super awkward next time we hang out.”

Jenna frowns. “Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. I just, things are weird between us. That’s not surprising, right? Like, I should have known this. I haven’t seen him in thirteen years. Everyone thought he was dead. Now that he’s back, I don’t know how to act around him. He’s a completely different person.”

“You don’t know that. He’s not different, just older. I bet there’s a ton of stuff you two have in common, like music. Didn’t Mark say you both reached for the same record? That’s something, right?”

“I guess.” Tyler runs his teeth along his bottom lip and lets his hands fall to his sides. Jenna sighs.

“Alright mister, we’re going for a walk. Come on.” She guides him out the doors of the church and onto the sidewalk, a stern look on her face. When Jenna was on a mission, you knew damn sure she was gonna complete it.

Jenna’s nails are digging painfully into Tyler’s bicep, but he doesn’t say anything about it. When she lets go, he rubs it gingerly and stares at her. She cocks an eyebrow.

“Tyler.”

“What?”

“You are amazing, fantastic, beautiful young man, and you don’t need no one to make you better.”

He scoffs, wrapping his arms around himself. Ohio got so fucking cold. “Thanks.”

“Hey. I’m serious. Are you awkward? I’m not going to lie, yeah, you are. You are extremely awkward, but that’s one of your best traits. It’s cute. So if things become awkward for any reason, just clear your throat and jump into a new conversation. It’s fine. Awkwardness doesn’t always have to end a conversation.”

“Maybe.”

“There you go. Way to be optimistic!” Jenna claps jokingly, causing Tyler to roll his eyes. “See, things will be okay. I say you go over there later today.”

“Seriously? You don’t think that’s too soon?”

“Not at all. Gotta continue patching up that relationship, right?”

“I guess. Yeah. Okay.” He nods and Jenna clasps his shoulder. 

“I want you to be happy. I mean that. I know how much Josh means to you. You just got to talk with him and reconnect.”

She’s right, of course. Jenna is always right. It’s just hard for him to admit that. “I’m just scared he isn’t going to like me for me. Like, who I am now. Maybe he’s just faking it because he’s nice. We’re different from when we were little kids. Now he’s hot and I’m gay, so.” Tyler shrugs. “You know. People change.”

“So show him your changes. Change is a good thing and he’ll like you for you.”

Tyler sighs. “I just gotta give him a chance, huh?”

She smiles. “Exactly! And if you both decide that you aren’t connecting anymore, then that is okay. Everyone deserves at least one chance.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll talk to him.”

“Good. Keep me updated, okay? I need to know if I need to clear my and Mark’s schedule for an ice cream date with you two.”

“Jenna,” Tyler grumbles. Jenna sticks out her tongue.

\---

Tyler spends exactly two hours and forty-five minutes at his house before mustering up enough courage to go speak with Josh. He tells his parents he’ll be back soon and speeds off before they can ask any questions. He feels like they know exactly where he’s going.

He parks down the street from the Dun house and sits with his head pressed against the steering wheel, his stomach churning. He’s scared Josh is going to be irritated that Tyler is back at his house, even though Jenna said that wouldn’t be the case. Tyler was not good at this whole relationship thing. Flirting with guys online was a lot easier than talking to his best friend from thirteen years ago. At least the guys online couldn’t see him blush. He did that a lot.

With a deep breath, Tyler climbs out of the car and walks up to the front door, his head held high. He’s hoping that real confidence might actually come if he pretends hard enough.

Laura answers with a bright smile. “Hello, Tyler! So good to see you. Come in!”

He swallows nervously as he steps over the threshold. “Sorry to interrupt--”

“You're not interrupting anything. Josh is out back with Abbie and Jordan.”

“He is?”

Her grin widens. “He said someone told him he was being a bit of a jerk not giving his siblings a chance.” She seems to think it was Tyler that told him that, even though those weren’t his exact words. Tyler plays along anyway.

“Oh, I see. I just wanted to talk to him about what happened the other day when we went to the movies.” His forehead is sweaty and he hopes she doesn’t notice. He’s such a freaking loser.

“Did he not stop by your church today to apologize?”

Did she know about that? Tyler blinks. “No, he did. We just didn’t have a ton of time, since I had to help with the sound. I just wanted to clear some things up.”

“Of course. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to see you. I was just about to start on dinner; you’re more than welcome to stay.”

Tyler smiles politely. “Thanks, Mrs. Dun. I’ll uhm, I’ll be quick with Josh.”

“Heavens, sweetheart, take all the time you need.” She dismisses him with a wave of her hand, leaving Tyler to venture into the backyard. Abbie is on the swings while Josh plays catch with Jordan. He looks up at the sound of the sliding glass door and presses his lips together when he sees it’s Tyler.

“I’ll be back,” he promises Jordan, handing him the football on his way to meet Tyler.

Tyler, his awkward self, shoves his hands in his pockets and flashes a lopsided smile. “Er, hi.”

“Hey. I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”

“I wanted to talk about... things,” he pauses, “from our conversation at church.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” Josh opens the door again, gesturing for Tyler to follow him through the kitchen and up the stairs. It feels weird, being up here after so long. It’s even weirder being in Josh’s room and seeing all the changes he’s made since the last time he was here. He has a flag of California hanging on the wall behind his unmade bed and clothes are strewn all over the floor. He uses his foot to move a pile of dirty underwear to the side and chuckles awkwardly.

Josh sheds his jacket and tosses it onto the floor. “Sorry, I’m kind of messy.”

“It’s okay, bro.” Tyler takes a seat on Josh’s bed and looks around the room. Is it weird that he’s feeling nostalgic?

Josh seems to notice that too. “Weird, huh? They moved, but it’s like, everything is the same, but different.”

“Is this most of the stuff you collected when you were with Greg?”

He nods. “Yeah. My parents were against it, but my therapist told them it would be a good idea to have familiar things here.” Josh glances over at his California flag and smiles. “Debby got me that.”

“It’s cool. Very aesthetically pleasing.”

Josh laughs. “Yeah. I like it better than the Ohio flag, that’s for sure.” A silence falls over them as Tyler thinks about what to say next.

They speak at the same time, and the awkward silence fizzles like an opened bottle of soda pop as they break out into laughter. Josh smiles and his eyes crinkle. It makes Tyler want to kiss him even more. He wonders what Josh’s lips feel like.

“I just wanted to say that I’m here for you. I want to keep our friendship going, even though we are both different people from last time. And it’s okay if you decide I’m not a good fit for you. I just, I want us to try.”

“Did you not think I wanted to try?”

“No, I--” Tyler stops himself and sighs. “I’m so nervous around you, man. I feel like I’m constantly saying the wrong things. I don’t want to upset you or make things weird or do something that offends you. It’s just, it’s weird, right? Because we grew up without each other. I have friends you don’t know and you have friends I don’t know. I always thought we were going to be together. And like, you got ripped away from your life a second time when the cops realized you were in California. You probably wanted to stay there, but that just wasn’t going to happen.”

“Yeah,” Josh whispers. He starts playing with his nails again. His thumb is scabbed and stained with blood from all the picking he does. “And no one seems to realize that, except for you.”

“I don’t want things to be difficult for you because of me or because of the others around you.”

“If anything, Tyler, you are the only one not making things difficult for me. I know everyone means well, but it’s... it’s a lot, you know? Like, even the others back in California are making things difficult. Debby especially.”

“Are you guys having relationship problems?”

“Kind of. She’s never done long distance before, and I think it’s a lot for her. Especially since she’s going through this stuff like I am. She didn’t know I had been kidnapped either. Having that conversation was a whole other can of worms.” He shakes his head. “She didn’t want me to go back to Ohio, which I understand. I didn’t really want to either, even though I did want to see my family. My other friends, my coworkers, they were understanding, but they keep asking when I’m going to come back to visit, and all I can say is I don’t know. I really don’t know anything. Like, I know I start school this week, but that’s about the extent of my knowledge. I’m kinda just taking things as they’re thrown at me.”

“I guess that’s all you can do at this point.”

“Yeah. People really don’t seem to understand that everyone interprets situations differently. That’s why I’m glad you’re here. You do seem to understand that. I knew you were kind all those years ago, but you’re still kind. And that’s like, really cool.” He smiles his crinkly smile again, causing Tyler to blush. He looks at the comforter.

“I try. I mean, I know we’ve gone through similar things. Of course, not like, the whole kidnapping thing, but--”

“I know what you mean,” Josh clarifies. He reaches out to pull Tyler into a hug, and Tyler settles down. Josh smells like cinnamon and pinecones. It’s a nice smell. “You’re a good friend, Tyler.”

“You’re a good friend too,” he speaks over Josh’s shoulder, “my other friends would love to meet you if you’d wanna come get ice cream with us. It might help to have some friends at school before you start.” He pauses. “Well, at least one.”

“That’d be cool.” Josh smiles when they pull away and begins to twist his nose ring between his fingers. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Cool.” Tyler clears his throat. “So I’ll, uhm, I’ll text you?”

“Sounds good.”

\---

“No fucking way,” Jenna laughs loudly and it makes Tyler think she’s faking for the purpose of this conversation, “you invited him? After all that time spent calling us out on it.”

The three are pressed against the wall at Coldstone, waiting for Josh to join them. Tyler huffs as he runs a hand through his long hair and glances over at the front door.

“Well, like... it was in the heat of the moment. Maybe you guys were right about it after all. I just figured it would be good for him to meet you guys. Especially because he’ll be going to the same school as you, Jen.”

“Tyler, how long is it going to take before you realize that I’m always right?”

“Love, if he hasn’t realized that already, then he never will,” Mark smirks and laughs when Tyler reaches over to punch him in the shoulder.

The door chimes then, and Josh comes in with his hands jammed in his hoodie. His cheeks are red as he smiles. Tyler pats the empty seat next to him and says hello as Josh sits down.

“You guys seriously eat ice cream in the middle of winter?”

“Technically it’s not winter yet,” Jenna says, grinning. She offers Josh her hand. “Jenna Black. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Josh.”

“Nice to meet you too,” he responds, shaking her hand. His eyes flicker to Mark. “It was Mark, right?”

“Yep. Good job. I’m usually terrible with names.”

Josh shrugs. “Yeah, well. There’s only so many people I’ve got the chance to meet here.”

“There’s not many people actually worth getting to know here, so.” Mark grins. “You aren’t missing much, dude.”

“Good to know.”

“We were just about to order,” Tyler changes the subject, his palms clammy, “I’ll watch the table.”

“You sure?” Jenna asks, “you and Josh can go first. Mark and I don’t mind.”

“I do mind, actually.”

“He’s kidding.”

“Uh, sure.” Josh stands back up and his hands go right back into his hoodie. Tyler knows how red his face is. He just hopes the others think it’s from the cold. 

Tyler follows behind as Josh gets into line and examines his choices of ice cream. He tries to make small talk. “So uh, what are you thinking?”

“Are you nervous, man?” Josh looks over at him, a hint of a grin on his perfect lips. “Don’t be. Your friends are cool.”

“I’m not nervous,” lies Tyler. “Just cold.”

“Alright then.” It’s obvious Josh doesn’t believe him, but he drops it. “I’m thinking mint chocolate chip.”

“That’s what I get.”

“Maybe we really are best friends then, huh?” Tyler doesn’t get the chance to reply because the worker comes over to scoop out their mint chocolate chip. Tyler chews on the inside of his cheek, a five dollar bill clutched tightly in his hand.

“I’m paying this time,” Josh tells him, sliding a twenty across the counter. Tyler nods.

“Thanks.”

“Of course, man.”

Mark and Jenna go get their ice cream when the two sit back down. Tyler mashes his ice cream down with his plastic spoon and tries not to think about how nervous he is actually having Josh around. He knows Jenna and Mark are going to try something. They always do.

“So Jenna goes to the school I’m going to?”

“Yeah. You’re a senior, right?”

“Technically a super senior. Greg didn’t do so well with homeschooling material, so I have to make some stuff up. It’s fine, though.”

“Oh. So we’re in the same grade now.”

“Yeah. Weird, isn’t it?” Josh bumps his shoulder against Tyler’s, whose face immediately darkens a few more shades.

“I remember how bad I wanted to join you in kindergarten.”

“Kindergarten was the shit. I shouldn’t have taken nap time for granted.”

“I think everyone is on your side about that,” Tyler teases, flashing a smile before returning to the brutal murder of his ice cream by spoon. “Jenna will be with you, though. You guys might have class together.”

“Cool.”

“You guys talking about me?” Jenna exclaims as she sits back down. Her ice cream is covered in Oreo pieces.

“Jesus, Jenna, did you get any ice cream with your Oreos?” Tyler shakes his head.

“Don’t hate on Oreos man,” Josh defends Jenna and shoots her a charming smile.

“I’m not,” Tyler holds his hands up in defense. “I’m just saying that there should be some kind of limit on oreo pieces, right?”

“No,” Josh and Jenna say in unison. They share another smile.

“Yuck,” Mark pretends to throw up, “get a room, you two.”

“Josh has a girlfriend,” Tyler says because he’s nervous and can’t keep his mouth shut. Mark stares at him.

“I was joking.”

“I know that.” Tyler shoves ice cream in his mouth to prevent him from further speaking.

“Anyways,” Jenna changes the subject this time, helping poor Tyler from being even more awkward than before, “Josh, do you know what classes you’re taking?”

“Uhm, not off the top of my head. I know I have English with Mack.”

Her eyes sparkle. “What hour?”

“Seven.”

A squeal. “We have English together! Fantastic. Mack is pretty laid back, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Cool.” Josh hasn’t touched his ice cream. Tyler’s mouth is full of it and is very cold.

“So, like, have you had ice cream before?” Mark asks. Tyler glares at him. He’s not sure if Josh will be upset that Tyler is sharing private information about his childhood.

“Not very often, but yeah. A few times.”

“Ice cream is a tradition for us. I don’t know what we’d do without it,” Jenna explains. “You’re welcome to join us. Usually, we go after Tyler has absolutely murdered the other team in basketball.”

“Wow, you’re that good, huh?” Josh smiles at him. Tyler scoops more ice cream into his mouth.

“He’s going to go professional someday, just watch.”

“What about music?”

“Or that,” Jenna agrees. “Tyler’s good at everything.”

Josh is still looking at him. “Yeah, he is, isn’t he?”

Tyler has eaten way too much ice cream way too fast. “I nee’ to go to the bafroom,” he exclaims through his brain freeze.

\---

Later that night, Tyler is lying in bed on a voice call with Mark and Jenna. They both claim that Josh is totally gay for him. He wholeheartedly disagrees.

“Tyler Joseph, you are so dense.”

“I am not! He’s straight--”

“He fucking looked at you the entire time, dumbass.” Mark laughs. “I told you we had good gaydar.”

“He’s super nice though,” Jenna continues, “I hope we get to see him again. Oh, wait. I’ll get to. Every single day!”

“I swear to God, if you put any ideas into his head--”

“I will do no such thing, Tyler. I will only tell him how amazing you are and how gay he is for you.”

“JENNA!” Tyler yells into his phone. “Don’t. Please. I’m begging you.”

“You know I would never actually do that. Calm down.”

“Yeah man, we’re just fucking with you. You should work on not being so high strung all the time, okay?”

Of course, that only pisses Tyler off more, but he keeps his mouth shut for Mark’s sake. Tyler doesn’t feel like starting a new argument. “Jen, just make sure he’s doing okay at school.”

“I would do that regardless if you asked or not,” she says reassuringly. “Josh is in good hands. I pinky promise.”

He breathes a sigh of relief. “I believe you.”

“Josh starts Monday, right? I’ll catch him in the hall before class starts and makes sure he gets where he needs to.”

“I don’t miss high school at all,” Mark says.

“Are you done? We’re having an important conversation here.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Mark, you go to fucking community college.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Tyler?” Mark is defensive. “You’re fucking homeschooled.”

“Boys, stop. That doesn’t matter.”

“Sorry,” they both mutter.

“Christ, it’s like you two want to have a dick measuring contest every second or something.”

“My dick is bigger,” Mark says.

“Shut up, Mark!” Tyler yells.

“I swear to God,” is Jenna’s reply before she hangs up. Tyler ends the call, looks up at the ceiling, and prays Josh’s first day of school won’t be Jenna trying to get him laid.


	4. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all getting a surprise chapter today because I'm impatient.
> 
> Just a reminder that you can follow me on svhlafolina for updates, news, or really great pictures of mr. and mr. pilot.

Tyler and Josh have a hard time finding time to see each other after Josh starts school. Tyler has basketball and essays while Josh has therapy, news interviews, high school classes, and, oh yeah, Jenna Black breathing down his spine.

His mother keeps him updated about Josh’s condition, though. The police hadn’t found Greg yet, but they had a lead, and according to Laura, that was “all that mattered.”

Finally, after two weeks, Tyler invites Josh to one of his basketball games and for ice cream afterward.

“That’s a bit straightforward, already inviting me to the ice cream victory. What if your team loses?” Josh smirks and Tyler wants to kiss it off of him.

“Then it becomes an ice cream loss and I cry into my mint chocolate chip.”

“That might be too painful for me to watch, Ty.”

“You’ll love it,” Tyler smirks back.

However, today, Saturday, mere hours before Tyler’s basketball game, Josh sends him a text informing him that Debby is in town. She surprised him with a visit and now he wants to bring her to the game.

Of course, Tyler says yes. How could he say no? Josh’s girlfriend was in town. Tyler was supposed to be happy for his friend who got kidnapped and finally had something familiar in his life. But the thing was, Tyler was not happy because Tyler did not want to see nor hear Josh being happy all over his girlfriend.

Tyler thinks about telling Mark and Jenna but then decides that it’s probably not the best idea. He knows they will make a big deal about it. Don’t get him wrong, Tyler loved his friends and knew just how much they loved him. They would kill for him if someone ever broke his heart, which was exactly the reason why he wanted to keep this “surprise Debby visit” under wraps.

Mark is taking photos for the game again, so he’s there when Tyler arrives to practice some free throws.

“Dude, you look like shit.”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “Hey, Mark. It’s good to see you. Thank you for your pleasant salutation.”

“Salutation, what the fuck does that mean?”

He shrugs. “Josh said it once. I think it means greeting.”

Mark blinks. “He’s a weird kid. Anyway, is he coming tonight? Jenna should be here soon. She said her family is coming too.”

“Yeah, he said he was, so.” Tyler shrugs again, hoping he’s succeeding in playing it cool. “This is the first time Josh will join us for some celebratory ice cream.”

“If you win,” Mark adds playfully, slapping Tyler’s shoulder. “Are you nervous again?”

“I wasn’t nervous last time,” he lies.

“Okay.” Mark doesn’t believe him. “Have you seen him in a while? I haven’t heard any new gossip from you lately.”

“Nah, we’ve both been busy.” Tyler looks longingly at his teammates on the other side of the court. “This will be the first I’ve talked to him in like, two weeks.”

Mark doesn’t seem to believe him again but shrugs anyway. “Alright, I’ll catch you after the game. Win, okay? You need to show Josh you are actually good at basketball.”

“I am actually good at basketball.”

“Okay, so show him.” Mark takes a few steps back toward the exit and winks. “Good luck, Joseph!”

“Fuck you, Mark!” Tyler calls across the court.

\---

Josh doesn’t arrive until halftime when Tyler is sitting on the bench drinking from a small, plastic cup. Honestly, Tyler isn’t doing too well tonight. It really hurt that Josh was late. Tyler actually thought he wasn’t going to come.

“Hey, Tyler!” He looks up to see Josh strolling across the court in long strides with Debby at his side. She’s even more gorgeous in person and Tyler finds himself succumbing to envy.

“Hey,” Tyler forces a smile.

“Sorry we’re late, I thought the game started later than it actually did.” His hair is mussed and his cheeks are red. Tyler pretends not to notice. “Are you guys winning?”

“No,” he’s honest. “We’re losing.”

“Oh, shoot. I’m really sorry if that’s because of me. I really did lose track of time.”

Tyler shakes his head. “No, I’m not mad. It’s fine; shit happens.”

“Cool, man. Well, Debs and I are down for ice cream still afterward, whether you lose or win. By the way, Tyler, this is Debby. Debby, this is Tyler.”

“Nice to meet you,” she smiles, and dammit, even her teeth are perfect, “Josh has told me so much about you. I’m glad he has a friend here.”

“Yeah.” Tyler’s fake smile is starting to hurt. “Well, uh, I should probably start getting ready...”

“Right!” Josh tugs Debby towards the bleachers. “Good luck! We’ll catch you afterward. Play hard!”

As soon as Josh disappears, Tyler shoves his head into his hands and screams in a half whisper. Luckily, the gym is loud enough that no one can hear him. 

\---

Tyler’s team ends up losing by two points, and although he doesn’t feel like going out for ice cream, he does. He sits nestled in between Mark and Jenna while Josh and Debby cuddle up next to each other across the table. They decided on Dairy Queen this time so Jenna could get even more Oreos. Josh gets something similar for him and Debby to share, which irritates Tyler because he knows Josh doesn’t even  _ like _ chocolate ice cream all that much. His mint chocolate chip blizzard is melting in the heat of the restaurant and he hasn’t even touched it yet.

The atmosphere is awkward because Jenna and Mark seemed as thrilled as Tyler that Debby decided to surprise Josh by showing up in Ohio. Jenna is trying to make the best of things because of course she is.

“So, Debby. Josh mentioned you’re from California?”

“Yes! My family and I live in Los Angeles. I do some acting downtown.”

“Oh, really? That’s fun.” Jenna’s smile is tight and Tyler can see her nails digging into her thigh. He reaches out to touch her wrist and remind her to chill out. Fortunately, Jenna releases her thigh from her clutches and holds Tyler’s hand instead. It’s still tight, but Tyler would rather her do damage to him than herself.

“She’s really good,” Josh adds, causing Debby to giggle. She rests her head on his shoulder and hums happily when he presses a kiss to her forehead. Tyler resists his urge to gag. It wasn’t that he hated happy couples. It was more just that he hated that Josh wasn’t single.

Or gay.

“How did you two meet?” He asks through a forced smile.

“Josh worked at this little bistro in downtown LA and one day my agent and I had lunch there. The rest is history.” She looks at him with her big eyes. “I thought he was the cutest guy I had ever seen in my life.”

“Aw, babe.” Tyler has never seen Josh this... open about anything. It’s weird because he’s been so closed off before now. Maybe he’s comfortable because Debby is around, and for that, Tyler likes her only a tiny bit. “You’re sweet.”

“But what about you two?” Debby gestures to Tyler and Jenna and their hand-holding under the table. Tyler immediately pulls away and shares a look with Jenna, whose eyes tell him not to worry. “How did you guys meet?”

“Church,” Jenna smiles sweetly, and it’s terrifying. “Tyler runs the soundboard. He’s very talented.” She wraps an arm around his shoulders to pull him in for a kiss. Tyler goes along with it because he has no idea what’s happening. Josh doesn’t seem to understand either, because his expression is just as twisted as Tyler’s.

“Aww, that’s sweet. It’s always nice knowing a boy who isn’t afraid to admit he loves God.”

“Yeah, Tyler is pretty great.” Surprisingly, it’s Josh who says that. The attention is sent his way. “What? He is. I’ve known that since we were kids.”

Debby laughs. “But you were like, five. Tyler was that great when you guys were toddlers?”

“Yes,” Josh defends himself, which is weird, considering the comment was about Tyler, “I’ve always known Tyler had the potential to change the world.” His voice is firm. Tyler’s face turns red and he reaches back for Jenna’s hand. She rubs small circles into the crook of his thumb and pointer finger.

“I’m going to use the restroom,” Mark mutters, pushing out from the table. The awkwardness returns as Mark leaves.

“Yeah, so.” Tyler clears his throat. “Thanks, uh, for coming to my game.”

“‘Course, man. Sorry we were late. I promise I’ll be on time for the next one.”

“Sorry you guys didn’t win.” Debby bats her eyelashes and smiles sympathetically. Tyler squeezes Jenna’s hand this time.

“Yeah, well. Shit happens.”

Debby takes one last spoonful of ice cream before standing up, bringing Josh up with her. “You ready to go, babe? It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, sure.” Josh smiles. “See you later, guys. Tell Mark I said bye.”

“See you,” Tyler mumbles as he begins to chew on the inside of his cheek once more. It’s going to be wrecked tomorrow morning, he just knows it.

“I hate her,” Jenna says as soon as Josh and Debby leave.

“She’s... not my favorite,” Tyler agrees.

Mark slides into the booth. “I’m ready for tacos.”

For once, the others are also in agreement.

\---

“Laura wants you to go back out with Josh again.”

With a sigh, Tyler closes his laptop bearing his current one-sentence draft for an essay on the American Civil War and looks up at his mother with his lips pressed together.

“Hey, Mom, nice to see you, too.”

“Sweetheart,” she moves to sit at the edge of his bed and smiles, “Josh is struggling again. Laura thinks it’s because Debby left last week and Josh is having difficulty dealing with that.”

“Can I be honest, Mom?”

“Of course, Tyler. What’s up?”

“Josh’s girlfriend is a real dipcrap.” He folds his arms across his chest while his mother scowls.

“That’s not nice.”

“All I’m saying is that Josh doesn’t make the best decisions. Maybe this is good for him. He’ll realize he can’t do this whole long distance thing and they’ll break up.”  _ And then get together with me.  _ Farfetched, he knows, but Tyler really wanted it to happen.

“At least he has a girlfriend. When are you finally going to ask Jenna out?” Oh, great. One of  _ these  _ talks.

“It’s not like that, Ma. She’s my best friend.”

“So is Mark and I don’t see you holding his hand or kissing his forehead.”

“It’s different, okay?” Tyler shakes his head. “This conversation isn’t even about me. It’s about Josh.”

“Just take him out to do something fun, okay? Your father and I can give you money again. Try to put yourself in his shoes. Feel empathy for him that his girlfriend left, even if you aren’t her biggest fan. Josh needs this.”

“His family isn’t helping?”

“He won’t leave his room except for school and meals. Other than that, he’s sitting in the dark with the lights shut.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t good. Tyler felt like a jerk for all the stuff he said earlier. “I guess he really does miss California.”

“It would seem so. He seems happy when he’s with you, at least, that’s what Laura has told me. But you seem happy too.” She smiles. “There’s something different about you, Tyler. I don’t know what it is, but ever since Josh has returned, you’ve been different.”

He blinks. “Like, my appearance?” Did he seem gayer? He definitely felt gayer with Josh being back. Josh was very hot.

“No, not like that. You’re just glowing.” She pats his knee and stands up. “I’ll tell Laura you’ll pick Josh up this Friday. Does that work for you?”

“Sure,” Tyler replies, knowing he doesn’t have a choice. He doesn’t mind, though. Alone time with Josh is something he hasn’t had in quite some time. He knows he needs to be supportive of Josh’s relationship, and as obnoxious as it is, he’ll do it.

\---

Part of Tyler thought his mother was exaggerating, but she wasn’t. Josh looks rough.

He hides in a big hoodie and an over large beanie with his bangs pulled out to shade his face. Tyler even thinks Josh may have eyeliner on or something, because he looks like a member of My Chemical Romance.

“Uh, hey, dude.”

“Hey,” Josh mumbles under his breath. “Bye, Laura.”

“Okay,” Tyler replies, trying to remain optimistic by ignoring the fact that Josh was back to calling his mother by her first name. “Let’s go.”

They climb into the car. Josh stares out the window at the snow flurries starting to fall.

Tyler turns the heat on and leans his head against the headrest with a sigh. “Do you want to talk?”

Josh doesn’t reply.

“I think our parents want us to go see a movie again.” He pauses. “Even though we didn’t actually see one last time, but whatever. Do you feel like seeing a movie this time?”

“I actually don’t feel like doing anything,” Josh mutters. Tyler bites his lip and nods his head.

“Well tough shit, because I’m going to make you. Let’s go to Taco Bell this time, alright? We’ll eat cheap, shitty tacos and talk about our feelings.”

Silence. Tyler smiles playfully as he puts the car in reverse. “You didn’t say no, so I’m taking that as a yes.”

Even though Josh is facing away from him, Tyler is pretty sure he smiles too.

\---

Tyler orders practically everything off the menu for Josh to try and finishes with two large Baja Blasts. This will be enough calories to last them their entire lives.

Josh smirks when Tyler drops the tray onto the table. “Did you use your parent’s money again?”

“They are the ones who keep giving it to me. I blame them for my bad decisions.” He smiles back as he slides into his seat and reaches for a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. “Try this first. It’s a hard taco wrapped in a soft taco.”

Josh begins to reluctantly unwrap it. “Is the meat real?”

“I don’t know if I can answer that question, Josh.” His smile grows. “Either way, it’s fucking amazing.” Tyler himself decides on a normal soft taco for the time being as he watches Josh inspect his chalupa. Finally, after what seems like hours, Josh raises it to his mouth and takes a bite. A little bit of sauce drips down his chin as he lets out a small moan.

“You were right,” he says through a mouth of cheesy gordita crunch, “it is fucking amazing.”

“You’ve, uh, got a little...” Tyler trails off and points to the corner of his mouth, which causes Josh to set his chalupa down. He swipes his tongue over his lips, which causes a metaphorical tsunami in Tyler’s stomach. 

“Good?”

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Here, try this next. It’s like a normal taco, but the shell is made of Doritos.”

“Christ, I get why I wasn’t allowed to come here. You’re going to make me fat, Tyler.”

“I’m taking your Taco Bell virginity. This is a must. After this, you never have to stuff another taco in your mouth again.”

“But you know I’m going to,” Josh whines. Tyler shakes his head.

“That’s a price you’ll have to pay.”

With a small chuckle, Josh reaches for a napkin to clean his hands and face. “Thanks for dragging me out of the house.”

“Of course, dude. What’s been going on? Are you joining the black parade?”

Josh rolls his eyes. “No, I’m not. I just, ever since Debby left, I’ve been kinda in a shit mood.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Well, first off, we got in this huge fight. She wanted to...” His next words are a whisper, “have sex, and I like, wasn’t really ready for that. So she got upset and accused me of not liking her because I quote ‘didn’t want to have sex with my own girlfriend.’” Josh sighs. “It’s not that I don’t like her. I do. I’m in love with her. I just, I’m not ready for that with her quite yet.”

“I understand,” Tyler says. “We’re still young. Don’t worry about that. When you find the right person, things just fall into place. You really won’t even think about it when both of you start taking off clothes and stuff.”

“That’s the problem though. I think Debby  _ is _ the right person and I still don’t want to have sex with her. What’s wrong with me?”

“There’s an explanation for everything. I don’t think anything is wrong with you.”

He’s quiet for a few seconds as he breaks off a piece of the Dorito taco shell and pops it in his mouth. “When you say the right person, is that when you realized you were gay?”

Tyler fiddles with the straw of his soda. He’s never really talked about this with anyone outside of Mark and Jenna, and it’s weird. He knows it’s only Josh, but it’s still weird. “I thought it was just a phase, that I’d grow out of it, but it wasn’t that easy. Jenna and I at first, we had conversations about sexuality all the time, and she knew I had questions and doubts. Then, one day, she told me to kiss her, and I did because I trusted her. Kissing her made me think about other girls I had kissed, and like, it was all the same thing to me. It was happening and I wasn’t enjoying it. Afterward, she told me that things were going to be okay, that she still loved me. At first, I didn’t really understand why we had kissed because it wasn’t like we ever had an interest in each other, but I realized that she had wanted me to think about girls in general. It was late, and we were both kinda drunk, so.” He shrugs. “It was a nice kiss, but I didn’t want to be stuck in a feeling of things being ‘okay.’ I wanted it to be extraordinary.”

“Did you guys ever do anything past kissing?”

“No. We mostly just talked. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without her. Jenna is a literal angel.”

“I have to agree with you there. She’s been so much help at school.” Josh goes to take another bite of his taco and talks with his mouth full. “You’ve kissed guys?”

“A few times. I’ve only had sex once, though. With a guy.”

Josh looks at him and tilts his head. “How does that work?”

Already Tyler can feel his face turning red. “Josh, I’m not going to explain how gay sex works in the middle of Taco Bell. It’s sex. It works the same as hetero sex.”

“Except the guy doesn’t have a vagina,” He’s blunt. “Well, I shouldn’t say that. Guys can have vaginas. I just mean two people with dicks.”

“I understand what you mean. You said you weren’t going to do this.”

“Do what?” Josh continues to speak through bites of his burritos. “I’m just asking questions.”

“No, you aren’t. Do you remember last time, when you were all like ‘I know gay people in Los Angeles!’” Tyler mocks Josh’s deep voice and waves his hands around. “You’re doing the thing.”

“I’m asking honest questions,” Josh argues, “I’m not doing anything.”

“Why do you care so much if you’re straight?” Tyler raises his voice to hear over the blood pounding in his veins.

“Why are you being so defensive? Are you really that embarrassed about shoving your fucking cock in some dude’s ass?” Josh yells, pushing out from the table. As they are the only customers inside, the employees look over at them in suspicion, causing Josh to scowl. “I’m walking home.”

“Josh, wait.” Tyler pauses to throw their trash and uneaten food away before following Josh out the door. “Josh, c’mon.”

“I’m walking home,” he repeats.

“That’s crazy, it’s like three whole miles back. Can we please just talk about what happened?”

Josh doesn’t say anything, which somehow only makes Tyler angrier. “You’re the one who should be apologizing to me! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me?” Josh laughs bitterly. “I was trying to show support for your gayness, Tyler. I didn’t let that bother me. I just wanted to understand.”

“So you started asking shit like that? We were talking about you and Debby! Why do you care so much about what I do in my private life?”

“I don’t. You’re the one who got mad at me.”

Tyler bites his tongue and forces himself to take a deep breath. “You’re right. I lost my temper, and I’m sorry. Will you please let me take you home? Your parents are going to be pissed at me if I let you walk back on your own.”

With a grumble, Josh stomps to the passenger side of Tyler’s car and climbs in, slamming the door shut as loudly as he can. Tyler slides in next to him and sighs. “I didn’t want us to fight.”

“I’m sorry,” Josh murmurs. His entire body is turned towards the window. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s okay. We both overreacted.” Tyler reaches to turn the heater on and rubs his arms to get feeling back into them. Although they weren’t standing in the cold for very long, Tyler still feels numb. 

Josh doesn’t say anything, so Tyler starts the car and drives off.

\---

He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why Josh would say things like that or what would make think those were appropriate questions. Tyler thinks he was trying to romanticize gay men like how straight guys romanticize lesbian women.

Or maybe he really did want to know more. Either way, Tyler is both annoyed and confused.

When they pull into Josh’s driveway, Tyler looks at the clock. They were barely gone for an hour. What a waste of time this was.

Tyler wants to forget this ever happened, and he’s willing to if Josh feels the same way. They sit in silence for almost an entire minute, listening to the soft hum of the heater.

“Sorry I didn’t get Debby off your mind,” Tyler begins, looking down at his lap. His hands move to fiddle with the hem of his jacket. “I think I actually did the exact opposite of that. I was a pretty shitty friend tonight.”

“No, you weren’t,” Josh replies. “I was the shitty one. I shouldn’t have brought that stuff up.”

“It’s not that I don’t mind talking about it. I just, I want you to be actually curious, not just learning about it so you can understand my gayness.” Tyler scowls. “You don’t need to understand being gay. It doesn’t make me any different, okay? We’re both teenage boys with a lot of fucking baggage.”

Josh snorts. “Yeah. That’s true. I’m still sorry, though. Forgive me?”

“Of course I forgive you. But we’re never going back to that Taco Bell ever again.” He shakes his head and smiles when he notices Josh is too. They look at each other briefly, making heavy eye contact, and right as Tyler is about to turn away, Josh kisses him.

Surprised, Tyler goes to pull away, but soon melts into Josh’s touch. He was right; Josh’s lips are soft and his skin is warm under Tyler’s hands. Tyler can only imagine what the rest of Josh’s body tastes like as he pulls away and laughs nervously. “Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.”

Josh’s face is red, even under the shadows of the streetlights. “No,” he says. Tyler frowns.

“No?”

“I don’t like you like that, Tyler. You just said you can’t understand being gay--”

“Excuse me? You kissed me.”

“No. No, I didn’t.” Josh unbuckles his seat belt and pushes the door open. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Josh, come on. Josh!” Tyler calls after him. Josh slams the front door shut.

“Josh,” Tyler says one last time, whispering. He pinches the bridge of his nose, counts to ten, and drives back home.

\---

“Josh kissed me last night,” Tyler says, staring at the floor. He needed to talk to Mark and Jenna about this as soon as possible because he was still freaking out.

Jenna blinks. “He  _ what?” _

“You’re kidding,” Mark tries, even though he knows perfectly well that Tyler is not kidding.

“He got really weird and defensive about everything. We sorta got into this argument about homosexuality. Trust me, I know how ridiculous that sounds out loud, but that’s the truth.”

“Whaddya mean?” Jenna presses, reaching out to touch the top of Tyler’s hand. He takes a deep breath.

“He was in some kind of funk because Debby had wanted to have sex with him and he wasn’t ready.”

“No way, Josh is a virgin?” Mark gasps. “I would not have guessed that.”

“It’s fine though, right? And I tried to explain that to him, but he... he started asking really weird questions about sex. We started screaming at each other in the parking lot and then I took him home. And right before he got out of the car, he kissed me and then blamed for me making an advance on him.”

“Tyler, you know what this means.” Jenna is soft with him. He really doesn’t know what he would do without her. “He’s going through some things.”

“Yeah, no fucking shit he’s going through some things. That doesn’t give him the excuse to be a dick.”

“No, Tyler,” Mark clarifies, raising an eyebrow, “sexuality type things.”

It clicks. “Oh.” That made sense why he got so defensive. Was there actually a possibility that Josh wasn’t straight?

“I don’t know how you didn’t realize that earlier. He cuffs his pants and his sleeves. That’s like, the epitome of bi-culture.”

“Christ.” Tyler rubs at his forehead. “So what do I do now?”

“Let him figure some things out on his own. Just continue to be there for him, alright? Things will work out on their own. He’s just stressed. Think about all the shit that’s been going on recently. He’s only been back for like, a month.”

“You’re right,” Tyler agrees. “It’s just hard, you know? I want to be there for him, but I don’t understand how he feels or what he’s going through.”

“Sure you weren’t kidnapped, but you already experienced your sexual awakening. He needs you to show him that everything is gonna be okay and he’ll still be the same old Josh.”

“Yeah.” He clicks his tongue. “Thanks, guys. You always know how to help.”

“We’re your friends, love. Of course we know how to help.” Jenna kisses his cheek and smiles. “How about we throw on a movie, curl up in fuzzy blankets and eat a shitton of popcorn?”

“I’m down,” Mark grins, already beelining for his favorite of Tyler’s many blankets.

Tyler smiles too. “Yeah, guys. Sounds great.”


	5. All My Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft boys falling in looooooooove

Ah, New Year’s Eve. Usually, Tyler was forced to spend it with his parents, but they were letting him go out to a party tonight with Mark and Jenna. Tyler was ecstatic. Sure, they thought it was a little get together, that they would sit and watch the ball drop, but Tyler was planning on getting wrecked to ring in the new year, especially after everything that had happened. They hadn’t talked since that night in the Taco Bell parking lot. Tyler couldn’t even look at Taco Bell the same way.

His parents knew something was up, but they kept quiet. Tyler was thankful. Usually, they were all up in his business.

“Tyler!” Jenna throws her hands in the air and cheers when Tyler walks through her front door. “You look hot!”

“Thanks, babe, you don’t look too bad yourself!” He winks as she pulls him into a hug and kisses his ear.

“You ready for the night of all nights?” The house is empty besides them, and on the countertop is a bottle of opened champagne.

“Are you pre-drinking, Jen?”

“Duh,” she giggles, pulling him by the hand into the kitchen. “Mark is on his way. Have some champagne. I took it from my parents.”

“Obviously,” Tyler replies, pouring himself a glass in Jenna’s old cup. She laughs again and chants “chug!” as soon as his lips touch the rim. He pounds the glass against the counter and bows.

“Impressive, Monsieur Tyler.”

“Jesus, Jen. How much have you drank already?”

“Not that much. Don’t be a killjoy.” She sticks her tongue out and opts to drink straight from the bottle. Tyler shakes his head.

“You’re going to be a handful tonight.”

“But a fun handful?”

“You’re always a fun handful.”

Her phone vibrates and with another squeal, Jenna slams the bottle down quickly to race for her phone. Tyler manages to catch the bottle before it shatters all over the kitchen floor.

“Mark is outside! Let’s go!” Jenna calls from the living room. She meets him in the foyer and leans her head on his shoulder. “Tyler, we need to get you laid.”

“I haven’t heard that one,” he replies sarcastically, offering Jenna his hand. She takes it and pulls him towards Mark’s car.

“You need to get your mind off of Josh.”

“I’m not thinking about Josh.”

“Are you drunk already?” Mark asks as they climb into the back seat. He’s their designated driver for tonight.

“I’ve had one glass of champagne. Jenna might have drank an entire bottle.”

“Almost,” she corrects him. “I’m not drunk yet. Let’s go, chop chop. We need to find Tyler a pretty boy.”

“You guys--”

“She’s right,” Mark agrees, pulling out of Jenna’s driveway. “At least find someone to make out with. You’ve been so depressing lately.”

“Dude, it was literally Christmas like six days ago. You haven’t seen me all week.”

“I can tell. I get the vibes from you. I call ‘em ‘Tyler is depressed vibes.’”

“You guys are the worst friends.”

Jenna pokes him in the nose. “We are your best friends.”

“You’re more fun when you’re drunk anyway, bro.” Mark wiggles his eyebrows through the rearview mirror, resulting in Tyler flipping him off.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“No,” Jenna clarifies, “fuck  _ on.” _

Tyler shoves his head into his hands.

\---

It’s only ten at night and already almost half of the people at this party are tipsy. Tyler helps himself to a beer while Mark heads into the living room to “pick up a chick, or something.”

Jenna settles on Coke and Rum, swishing the liquid around in her solo cup. Around them, music plays as sweaty party attendants push through the kitchen for more alcohol.

“Another new year,” Jenna sighs, staring into her drink. “Life moves pretty fast, doesn’t it?”

“I didn’t realize you turned into Ferris Bueller when you drank.”

She laughs. “You’re going to college next year, and then what?”

“We’ll still be friends, Jen. I promise.” He reaches out to touch her shoulder supportively. 

“You are gonna go to college, aren’t you?”

“We didn’t come here to have existential crises. Just drink your alcohol and dance.”

Jenna raises an eyebrow. “Will you dance with me?”

“But of course, mademoiselle.” Tyler winks, offering Jenna his hand, who graciously accepts. Together, they venture into the living room to join the others screaming their heads off to the music. The television is even broadcasting the ball drop, so Tyler wasn’t completely lying. He finishes off his beer and sets his cup down on a nearby surface so his hands are free to grab Jenna’s waist. She laughs at him.

“You really are awkward, love.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Okay. Josh is here.”

“Good one.”

“I’m serious.” She points, drawing Tyler’s attention towards his long lost friend who has in fact just come through the front door. Suddenly, nothing else matters but getting away from him.

“I’m getting another drink,” he tells her, pushing past people towards the makeshift bar. Tyler doesn’t even know whose house this is. It’s nice and spacious, and will definitely be wrecked in the morning.

This time he picks up a hard cider and pops the tab on the can. In front of him is a couple completely face fucking. Tyler watches for a second, wanting that to be him, before returning to his drink. He’s downed almost half the thing before Jenna is back over by him.

“You shouldn’t avoid him all night,” she says.

“Who is he even here with?”

“Friends from school. I didn’t even know he was coming tonight. He hasn’t exactly been talking to me either.”

“Awesome,” he responds dryly, stealing another glance at the couple still making out. Dammit. He probably was going to have to talk to Josh tonight, wasn’t he?

“You are,” Jenna agrees.

“Did I say that out loud?”

“Yes. Jesus, Ty, I didn’t know you were such a lightweight.”

Tyler rolls his eyes and finishes his drink before crushing the can in his hand. He aims for the recycling bin and groans as it bounces off the rim and lands on the floor.

“Remind me not to put alcohol in you before a basketball game,” she teases, pulling him away from the bar. “Come on. Let’s forget about stupid boys and grind on strangers.”

“Alright,” Tyler says.

\---

The party continues and Tyler slowly gets more and more intoxicated. He can’t tell you how much he's drank, just that it’s been a lot. He’s still in the living room grinding against Jenna as they laugh their heads off. Occasionally, Mark stops by, a new girl on his arm. Tyler is thoroughly impressed because he hasn’t managed to kiss a single person.

“You can kiss me,” Jenna offers in a drunken slur. Tyler laughs.

“No, we did that already.”

“Go kiss Josh then,” she waves, stumbling backward into someone who spills their drink on her. Jenna bursts into another round of giggles and launches herself forward into Tyler’s arms. He can smell the beer on her clothes.

“It’s almost midnight,” she says, pushing her nose into the crook of Tyler’s neck. “Another new year.”

“We can kiss each other,” he replies, tightening his arms around Jenna’s back. Tyler loves her so much and even drunk off his ass, knows how important she is.

“As much as I love kissing you, I think I should find someone who is actually gay to kiss one of these days.”

Tyler laughs. Around them, people cheer at the performance on television. It looks like someone popular, but Tyler is too preoccupied to care.

“Another year of being single losers,” he says, raising his cup. Jenna raises her cup as well and they mash them together, giggling again.

“Hey, do you care if I borrow him for a second?” Suddenly Josh is with them. Josh wasn’t part of the equation. Besides, he wasn’t single so he couldn’t join the single losers club.

“You guys gonna fuck?” Jenna asks jokingly, shooing them away with her hand. Tyler shakes his head, not wanting to be alone with the guy who hadn’t talked to him in several days, but he followed anyway because he didn’t really understand what was going on.

“We’ll be alone upstairs,” Josh says, taking Tyler’s hand. Tyler laughs again because that’s just how he is when he drinks.

Most of the bedrooms are occupied with horny couples, so they decide on the laundry room. Josh locks the door and sits Tyler down on a bench before leaning against the wall. He crosses his arms and sighs.

“I really didn’t expect you to get wasted, Ty.”

Tyler closes his eyes. “‘M not that wasted. Besides,” he waves his hands around, “it’s a party.”

“I suppose. I just wanted to talk to you about what happened. Do you think you’ll remember this conversation in the morning?”

“Definitely not.”

Josh scoffs. “That’ll make this easier, then. Debby and I broke up.”

Tyler gasps. “Already?”

“Jeez, I didn’t expect you to be a jerk when you got drunk.”

“I thought you’d last a couple more months. What happened?”

“Long distance is what happened. It’s too hard for both of us. Plus, I think I like someone else.” 

“Nice.” Tyler slumps down the bench until his ass is barely on it. He barks out a laugh. “Josh Dun is gonna be drowning in pussy.”

“No, God. No. Dude, maybe we should get you home.”

“It’s not even the new year yet, dummy.” He pushes himself off the bench and stumbles towards the door. People are counting down from ten, meaning Tyler is missing the ball drop. “The ball is dropping.”

“Tyler, wait.” Josh pushes him against the wall and grabs his wrists so he’s unable to exit. “I’m really sorry about what happened back in your car.”

“Josh, I’m not gonna get to kiss Jenna at midnight,” Tyler slurs, trying to escape.  _ Five! Four! Three! Two! One! _

As the roar of “Happy New Year!” fills the air, Josh kisses Tyler for a second time, his hands moving from Tyler’s wrists to Tyler’s waist. Tyler kisses sloppily back, enjoying this much more than he would have been kissing Jenna. Josh is a good kisser, Tyler decides. Plus, he’s using tongue, and Tyler really likes that.

“You have a good tongue,” he says into Josh’s mouth. Josh’s response is to start unbuttoning Tyler’s shirt.

“You have a good body,” Josh says.

“Basketball,” Tyler responds, letting Josh slide his shirt off of him. He giggles. “That tickles.”

“Sorry.” He moves his hands back to Tyler’s waist. They keep silent, communicating in occasional grunts as the kiss grows more and more passionate. Then, someone bangs on the door.

“Tyler. Tyler! C’mon. You missed midnight. You gotta kiss me.”

Josh pulls away and sighs. Tyler gives him a goofy grin.

“That’s Jenna.”

“I know.” Josh hands him his shirt back. “You can get a safe ride back home, yeah?”

“Mhmm,” Tyler bunches his shirt in his hands as he goes to open the door. Jenna laughs as he falls onto the floor. With another sigh, Josh steps out and looks at both of them.

“You guys are going to be so hungover tomorrow.” And with that, he’s gone. 

Tyler looks up at the ceiling and sees stars. “Best new year ever.”

\---

He wakes up in Mark’s apartment in nothing but his boxers. With an obnoxious groan, Tyler sits up and immediately feels the consequences from last night.

“Fuck,” he grumbles, sliding off the bed. Jenna sleeps quietly next to him, her hair twisted all over her face. Tyler stifles a giggle before padding into the kitchen where Mark stands over the stovetop.

“Good morning, love!” He points at Tyler with a spatula and grins. “How are you feeling?”

“I will never drink again,” Tyler replies, dropping into a seat at the table. “Why did you let me do that?”

“Because you seemed to be having fun. At one point you convinced everyone to take off their clothes and then did a keg stand upside down. I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“I didn’t know that either. Jesus, my head hurts.”

“Here.” Mark retrieves painkillers and a cup of coffee from the counter and sets them down in front of Tyler. “Should help with the hangover.”

“Thanks.” He blows on his coffee before taking a small sip. Coffee had never been his favorite, but right now it’s the best thing in the entire world. “God, I don’t remember anything that happened last night.”

“Nothing at all?” Mark has a smug grin on his face as he turns away from the stovetop to give his full, undivided attention to the half-dead teenager in front of him. Tyler sighs.

“Okay, well... I know today is January first, and I remember a lot of flashing lights and sweaty bodies and a ton of alcohol, but that’s about it.”

“You made out with someone last night.”

Tyler rolls his eyes. “Yeah, it was probably Jenna.”

“Nope,” he sings, “someone you have a crush on.”

It takes a second too long for Tyler to figure out who Mark is talking about, but when he does, he about falls out of his chair. “Oh my God. Oh my God! You’re joking.”

“And you should call Josh.”

Tyler runs a hand nervously through his hair. He kissed Josh. He fucking  _ kissed _ Josh at midnight like this was some stupid, cliche romance novel. The worst part is that he doesn’t remember any of it. “How much did I tell you?”

“You kept saying over and over again how nice his mouth was and how you wanted to fuck him.”

“I did  _ not.” _

Mark laughs. “Okay. Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. But you were pretty excited about kissing him.”

With a loud groan, Tyler shoves his head into his hands. What was he going to do? How would he bring this up? Would Josh act the same way he did in the car, or would he admit that he was actually going through some things?

“This fucking sucks. I don’t remember kissing my best friend. And it’s not like I can drive over there to talk to him! I’m still pretty fucked.”

Mark slides two perfectly shaped pancakes onto a paper plate and pushes it Tyler’s way. “Get some food in you, and then I can take you to Josh’s. I’m more than sure he’d be willing to take you home.”

“My car is at Jenna’s.” Tyler lets his head slam onto the countertop. God, he might actually never drink again. He was a stupid, stupid teenager.

“Okay, then he takes you to Jen’s. Either way, you gotta talk to him. Lack of communication ain’t going to help either one of you.”

“I know,” he whines, pouting. Just then, Jenna pads into the kitchen with half-lidded eyes, her hair sticking upwards in a million different directions. She slides into the stool next to Tyler and makes a grabby motion with her hands.

“Coffee, please.”

Mark laughs. “Anything for the queen.”

Jenna downs half her mug, the coffee completely black, before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “What did I miss?”

“Tyler made out with Josh last night.”

She snorts. “About time.”

Tyler slams his head into the counter. 

\---

When Mark pulls up in front of Josh’s house, Tyler immediately wants to turn back around and flee.

“He kissed you, dude. He’s not going to turn you away.”

“He did once, remember? And we... we haven’t exactly talked about that.” His entire body slumps down into the seat until he can no longer see Josh’s front door. “Or maybe we did. I was so fucked up last night. We could have had sex and I wouldn’t know.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “You guys didn't bang, I can promise you that. You would have never shut your mouth if that was the case.”

Usually, that would have pissed Tyler off, but it’s actually true this time. “Yeah. Fine.”

“Just get in there and talk to him. You guys are best friends. The longer you wait, the more awkward it will be. You know how much I hate when you let things simmer.”

He sighs. “I know.”

“Stay calm and stay poised. I know you, dude. Just don’t let your mind wander and you’ll be completely fine.”

“Okay.” Tyler takes a deep breath and leans over the center console to give Mark a hug. “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah, you better. I wanna know how things went.” He wiggles his eyebrows as Tyler opens the car door and rolls out, looking at the snow-covered yard he’s going to have to dramatically trek through just to prove a point. He can feel Mark staring at him as he walks up to the front door and knocks. As soon as Mrs. Dun opens the door, Mark speeds off.

“Tyler! What a surprise. I assume you’re here for Josh?”

“Yeah, uh, is he here?”

She grins and for a second, Tyler wonders if she  _ knows. _ “Yeah, he’s up in his room. Might wanna knock first though, I’m not sure if he’s awake yet. Tell him I got the coffee pot warming if he wants any.”

“Sure thing.” Tyler jogs up the stairs, his hands clenched tightly in the pockets of his sweatpants to avoid having them shake like crazy. Of course, they still shake like crazy as he raises one fist to knock on Josh’s bedroom door.

“Come in,” a groggy, sleep-filled voice calls out. Tyler feels his tummy stir. Damn, that was hot.

Josh is still buried under his bedsheets, his hair the size of Texas as his curls stick up every direction possible. He glances above his comforter at the visitor and sits straight up when he realizes it’s Tyler.

“Oh. Hey, man.”

“Hey.” Tyler shyly steps closer until he can sit at the end of Josh’s bed. He can feel Josh’s foot pressing up against his thigh under the covers. “Uh, so, last night.”

Josh scoffs playfully. “How much do you remember?”

“Not a lot. I got a terrible hangover.”

“Take any meds?”

“Yeah. Drank a shitton of coffee too.”

Josh smiles. “I assume it was one of your friends who made you come over here.”

“You know me a lot better than I thought.”

“Maybe.” His smile turns into a slight frown as he adjusts the pillows behind his back and fiddles with his hands in his lap. “First off, I just wanna apologize for how I acted when we hung out last time. I... I was going through some shit, and I know that’s no excuse to be a dick, but I just... I dunno. I was having a hard time coming to terms that I wasn’t... straight.”

Tyler nods, willing Josh to continue. He figures it will be better to listen until the end before saying anything.

“Debby broke up with me and... I should have been sad. I felt sad. But after a while, I just started thinking that maybe I wasn’t as sad as I should have been. And the more I thought about it, the more it occurred to me that the one person I found myself thinking about the most was someone I didn’t feel like I could be attracted to. Like... how could I be gay? I wasn’t gay. I grew up... not gay.” He shrugs his shoulders lamely. “I felt dirty. I felt like it wasn’t something that could happen to me. And I took it out on you.”

“Coming to terms and loving yourself takes time, Josh. I get it. It took a while for me to admit I was gay too.”

“You’ve had more time to deal with it. This... all of this. It’s a whole new world for me. I’m still panicking. Last night, after we...” he clears his throat, “kissed, I went home and... Jesus. I don’t even know how to describe it. I felt so scared.”

Tyler sighs. “Look, man. I get it. Really, I do. Yeah, I came out three years ago. Yeah, I’ve had time to show everyone that this is me and I’m not going to change. There are still people who don’t know I’m gay. My parents don’t know. My brothers don’t know. Hell, even some people forget from time to time. You don’t need to parade around in rainbow decor and paint your nails to be gay. You can be  _ you _ and still be gay. It’s your sexuality. You do what feels comfortable. If you wanna take things slow, go for it. I want you to be happy before you try and fit in because you feel like you have to.”

“It’s just hard, not knowing who I am. I thought I did. I...” He can’t finish. Tyler clicks his tongue and moves closer so he’s sitting at the head of the bed next to Josh.

“Dude. We’re young. You spent the past thirteen years of your life thinking things that weren’t true. You hafta take care of yourself first. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, no matter what. If you wanna talk about it, if you don’t want to talk about it, whatever. You’re my best friend. Always have been. Just because there was time in between our friendship doesn’t mean it ever went away.”

Josh sniffs and runs a hand through his hair. “Thanks, man. Really. I’ve been going to therapy, but all this shit keeps happening and sometimes I feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind.”

“Yeah, I would too.”

“You and Mark and Jenna, you guys have such a good friendship. You welcome me with open arms and I feel my best when I’m with you guys. It’s just been hard lately, with all these conflicting feelings and...” He sighs. “Fuck, dude. It started with the dreams. Really sexual ones that I won’t get into too much detail to avoid embarrassment, but I’m a virgin! It’s really fucking weird to wake up in my own grossness because I’m having feelings for--” His eyes flicker up to Tyler’s face, like he wants to say it but can’t.

“You kissed me, Josh. Twice. If you don’t want to do that again or you don’t want me to bring it up, then I don’t.”

“But I want to talk about it because I do like you. I like you a lot. I find myself daydreaming about us being together all the time but I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Okay dude, that’s just a normal relationship thing. When you first started dating Debby, how did that work out?”

His body slumps downward and his eyes roll up to the ceiling. “I asked her for her number and she gave it to me. We started talking, hanging out, and then I asked her on a date and it went from there.”

“So why is this so hard for you? Because I’m a guy, or because we’re friends?”

Josh is quiet. His thoughts are probably spinning out of control, but Tyler pushes it just a little bit further just out of curiosity. “If I were a girl, would this be easier?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” He clutches at the sides of his head desperately and groans. “If I came out as gay to my parents, what do you think they would say?”

“You don’t have to tell them right now. Mine don’t know. Just try it out. Even if it’s in the comfort of your own room. I don’t know, go on Tinder and flirt with guys. Watch some porn. Jack off thinking of a dude.”

“Yeah, well,” his cheeks flush, “already did that.”

Tyler blushes too. Holy shit. Was Josh jerking off to the thought of  _ him? _

“Was it... me?”

He hides his face behind his hands and mumbles, “don’t make me say it, dude.”

“You’re just dealing with some internalized homophobia. Obviously, you don’t care if people are gay, or you wouldn’t be hanging out with me. You’re just freaking out because you aren’t up to society’s standards anymore.”

“I know I shouldn’t be freaking out about this.”

“Jesus Christ,” Tyler reaches out to touch Josh’s shoulder, “you  _ can. _ You’re a human being. You can do whatever you want with yourself and no one can stop you.”

“What if I get kicked out?”

“It’s 2019, Josh. I think you’ll be okay. Besides, college is coming up, right? Those are like the most liberal, most accepting places in the world. You could run around naked and no one would bat an eyelash.”

He chuckles. “Yeah. I guess that’s true.”

“So... are you feeling any better?”

“Yeah. I’ll probably talk about this with my therapist, but thank you.”

“I like you too, y’know. You’re a good person. And you’re super attractive, so.”

Josh’s blush from earlier returns, albeit much darker. “Ah, jeez.”

“Seriously. I didn’t think I’d be into the emo type, but--”

“Fuck off, I’m not emo!” Josh interrupts, shoving Tyler playfully. “Maybe when I straighten my hair, but I’ve been trying not to do that.”

“I’ve noticed. I like the curls better.”

His smile is still plastered across his face. “Thank you.”

“And your dimples. I like those too. And when you smile, your eyes crinkle at the corners and it’s the cutest Goddamn thing I’ve ever seen--”

“Shut up, dude!” Josh burst into giggles, shoving Tyler again. Tyler shoves him back.

“Nah, man. I would so much rather see you happy than sad.”

Josh finishes up his laughter, but he’s still smiling ear to ear. “Thanks, Ty. Really. I think if my crush had been on any of my other friends back in L.A., this would have gone over really badly.”

“Yeah, well. You know what they say about Ohioans.”

“What?”

“We’re better kissers.”

He rolls his eyes. “Funny.”

“I’m serious.”

“I do like your lips better.”

Tyler blushes again. “Yeah. I like yours too.”

“So... we good?”

“Yeah, fam, we’re good.” Tyler stretches, moving to roll off the bed when Josh grabs his arm. He crawls out from under his covers and shifts to his knees so he has a little bit of height on Tyler’s skinny frame.

“You aren’t my rebound. I just wanna make that clear.”

“I know that,” Tyler assures him.

“I... I wanna kiss you again. Before you leave.”

“I ain’t leaving until you take me home, so, tough luck, bro.” Tyler allows Josh to practically crawl into his lap as he places his hands on Josh’s sides. Josh’s entire face is tomato red, but Tyler finds it cute. Josh had this calm demeanor ever since he got back to Ohio, so to see him this open and vulnerable made Tyler trust him even more. When their lips meet, Josh melts, letting Tyler lead the way. Despite the morning breath, it’s still a nice kiss.

“Want coffee?” Josh asks after they’ve pulled away and he's run a brush through his bed hair. Tyler nods his head.

\---

Tyler spares most of the details, letting Mark and Jenna know that he and Josh made up. Mark asks about a billion and one times if they got together, but Tyler only revealed that Josh needed time and he was willing to offer support to a good friend.

The rest of January isn’t anything exciting. Tyler finds out from Jenna that Josh is a bit of a local celebrity at school and gets invited to a lot of things. Josh comes to all of Tyler’s basketball games and joins the gang for ice cream. Tyler goes to church and does his homework and answers questions about Josh when his mother asks.

One day, Tyler takes Josh to the record shop. As they flip through old and new artists, they stay quiet, up until Josh pulls out another copy of  _ Transatlantictism _ and beams as he gestures to Tyler.

“Look what I found!”

Tyler grins, taking it from Josh’s hands. “No way! It’s back in stock!”

“Lemme get it for you. It’s the least I can do. After all, you let me buy it first.”

“Josh, no! I ain’t going to let you--”

“Nah, I’m gonna ignore you.” He sticks his tongue out before sticking the record under his arm. “You know what next week is?”

“What?” 

“Valentine’s Day.”

Usually, that holiday brought disgust to Tyler’s face and he spent the afternoon with Jenna watching horror movies, eating chocolate, and talking shit about men, but now that things with Josh were... er, complicated, he wasn’t completely sure what would come of next Thursday.

“Oh, right. You have plans?”

“I was thinking maybe we could chill in my room, light a candle, listen to records, maybe try out a new fast food place.”

“You haven’t been to any other places?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

The thought of Josh turning down any fast food with other people made his heart full. It was sweet. “Okay,” Tyler says, “maybe McDonald's?”

“Oh yeah,” Josh about moans. “Haven’t had that in so long.”

“This will definitely be the best Valentine’s Day I’ve had. How are things going at therapy?”

“Good.” Josh continues to flip through records, almost like he needed something to do with his hands while he spoke. “He agreed that it probably wasn’t the best to tell my parents right now. We’ve been doing some self-love exercises in between all the stuff with Greg. I’m feeling better about myself.”

“How about those dreams?” Tyler adds, just because he’s kind of a dick. Josh’s face turns tomato red.

“Yeah, well. Y’know.”

“Sure,” Tyler grins. “Find anything else you like?”

“Nah. I think this is good for now. You?”

“Yeah, if you let me buy that damn album.”

“Nice try, Joseph.” Josh sticks his tongue out and walks to the cashier to check out. Tyler stays behind, watching Josh’s ass move side to side as he walked. It was something Tyler had never noticed up until now, the way his ass moved so symmetrically, but _God_ was he glad he did. There wasn’t a single unattractive thing about his best friend.

“Hey, congrats dude!” The cashier cheers loudly enough to catch Tyler’s attention, prompting him to join Josh at the register.

“What’s going on?” Tyler asks.

Josh blinks out of shock. “I just won Death Cab tickets.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Yeah, whoever bought that record won tickets to the show at the end of the month. Here.” He slides two tickets across the counter and smiles. “Congratulations. That’s supposed to be a dope show.”

“That happens here? I’ve been buying records from here for years!”

“It’s a new thing,” the cashier explains, shrugging his shoulders, “supposed to increase sales here, or whatever. We’re not doing it for all the albums, but some of them, yeah.”

“Holy shit,” Josh whispers, repeating those words over and over again until he’s practically yelling. “Holy shit!”

“Can I get a picture of you? We’re supposed to start putting pics up on the wall.”

“Sure.” Josh takes his record, stands in front of the white brick wall, and smiles for the picture. After an exchange of many more thanks, Tyler and Josh head back to the car.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Tyler exclaims to break the silence, “you’re going to have so much fun, dude.”

“Tyler, I’m taking you with me, dummy.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

He starts to tear up. Tyler knows how ridiculous this is, but he can’t help it. He had never gone to a concert before. He could never afford it. The fact that Josh was bringing him along to see one of his favorite bands in the entire world broke him.

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“No, no,” Tyler starts to laugh as he wipes the tears out from under his eyes, “I’m just so... excited. There’s no one else I would want to see my first concert with.”

Josh smiles. “There’s no one else I would want to go to a concert with.”

Tyler kisses him, right there in the car, without thinking about the consequences. Fortunately, Josh kisses him back, keeping it light and romantic. He presses a quick peck to Tyler’s forehead and touches the top of his right ear.

“You’re beautiful,” Josh whispers. “I’m serious. You’ve been so kind to me, and you’ve helped me so much since I’ve been back, and...” He pauses to take a breath, “I really don’t think I could have done this without you. When I had to leave Greg and come back, I... I wanted to kill myself. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to come back here to a place I didn’t know and didn’t remember and live with people I hadn’t seen and hadn’t met. I didn’t want to admit to myself that my whole life was a lie. I didn’t want to leave Greg. I didn’t... I didn’t want to leave my home.”

Tyler takes a moment to relay all of Josh’s information before he answers. “Do you miss him?”

“Is it bad if I say I do?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I know he did a bad thing, but he... he was good to me. I can remember the good times we had. We’d watch movies together and he’d make popcorn and put this really good seasoning on it. He let me drive in the parking lot of WalMart and bought me ice cream. He... he was so  _ nice _ to me. I just get so angry when I think about how I let him manipulate me like that. Everything he said made so much sense and when I look back, I realize how stupid I was. That’s what I’m upset about. When my parents say all these horrible things about him, I always get the urge to defend him. He manipulated me to the point of loving him.” Josh scoffs. “I got fucking... Stockholm Syndrome.”

“None of that is your fault, though. You’re the victim here, okay? Yeah, he manipulated you and yes, you love him, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.”

“Sorry. I know this is heavy stuff.”

“You don’t need to apologize, man. I told you I was here for you.”

He smiles softly. “I know, and that just takes me back to my initial point. You’ve really been my rock and I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“Well, hey. You’ve made my life a lot easier. I couldn’t go anywhere without Mark or Jenna commenting about the plethora of cute boys around.”

“Because I’m not cute?” He quirks up an eyebrow, causing Tyler to roll his eyes.

“Nah, because you kissed me, and now they’ve shut up.”

“Oh, I see.” He clicks his tongue. “Thanks, though. Really.”

“Of course, Josh. Anytime.” Tyler pauses. “Am I ever gonna get to hear about those wet dreams of yours?”

“Absolutely not,” Josh replies, smirking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> svhlofolina on tumblr boiiii


	6. Romanticity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this is probably the best chapter you'll read thus far.
> 
> Just cause... soft boys are soft.

On Valentine’s Day, Tyler drives over to Josh’s house and arrives at six pm sharp. Josh was supposed to be babysitting while his parents were out at dinner, but Ashley assured she’d keep an eye on the kids while Josh “hung out” with Tyler. Josh told Tyler that she probably knew, despite the fact that he hadn’t said anything to her. It was comforting, he explained.

Mark and Jenna were more than excited for Tyler’s date, even though he told them over and over again that it wasn’t a date. They barely gave Tyler room to breathe before they jumped him in the public library, tearing his attention away from his English homework for them instead.

“Josh told me what he had planned. That sounds like a date to me.” Jenna wiggled her eyebrows and leaned her chin against her palm. “Y’all are going to eat junk food and listen to music. That’s so romantic.”

“Are you guys going to kiss again?” Mark leaned forward too, his eyes gleaming just as bright as Jenna’s. Tyler was glad he had supportive friends, but sometimes their constant need to be up in his business irked him.

“I don’t know. He’s going through some stuff, okay? I don’t want to pressure him into doing anything yet.”

“I mean, you could always just ask. If he says no, he says no.”

Tyler shrugged. “You know, he’s only been back for like, three months. That’s not nearly enough time for us to hop into a relationship.”

“Oh, whatever,” Jenna about yelled, getting shushed by the librarian wandering around them. She lowered her voice. “People go on dates and get together in the span of a week. Besides, you guys have known each other since you were born, basically. You know all kinds of things about each other, and you spend more time with him than Mark and I, so you  _ should _ know a lot about him.”

Tyler pouted. “Okay. Whatever. We’ll see.”

It wasn’t the response Mark and Jenna wanted, but they accepted it nonetheless. Outside on Josh’s front porch, Tyler knocks on the door and waits for the reply. Abbie answers, smiling ear to ear and she pushes open the front screen and invites Tyler inside.

“Josh is upstairs. He said he’s getting ready.”

“Cool. Are you and Jordan playing Mariokart again?”

She nods. “Well, Jordan is. I’m playing with my dolls.”

“What’s going on with Barbie?” Tyler plays along, a smile on his face. He loved the Dun family with all his heart. It felt weird when he thought about how he knew Josh’s family better than Josh did.

“She’s in jail because she tried to push Ken off the roof.”

“Wow,” Tyler laughs a little because he had forgotten how active the imagination of little kids were, “that doesn’t sound good.”

“No. She will probably get out though.” With another smile, Abbie skips away into the kitchen, leaving Tyler to wander up the stairs. The theme of Mariokart becomes more muffled as he turns down the hallway and toward the door with a dry erase board sloppily hung up that reads “Josh’s Room, stay out!”

With a chuckle, Tyler knocks.

“Jordan, I swear to God, if you don’t--” Josh cuts himself short when he opens the door, ready to drop bombs on his brother. His face relaxes when he sees Tyler instead. “Oh, you’re early.”

“It’s six.”

“Uh, right. Yeah. Lost track of time.” His head disappears behind the cracked door briefly before returning to Tyler. “Give me just a few seconds, okay?”

“Sure,” Tyler agrees, stepping back from the door. He crosses his arms and taps his foot anxiously as Josh shuts the door and finishes up whatever the hell he’s doing in there. Finally, after what seems like ages, Josh’s bedroom door opens all the way.

“I have to go grab something, but make yourself comfortable.” Josh flashes a charming smile before taking off down the stairs. Tyler steps inside, admiring the twinkling lights strung throughout the room and Josh’s seafoam green turntable set out with his crate of albums. The  _ Transatlanticism  _ album is the first one in the crate, so Tyler picks it up and flips it over. There’s a post-it note on it that reads,  _ listen to for Tyler. _

He sets the album back and sits down on the blankets Josh had laid out on the floor for them, waiting patiently for Josh’s return.

When Josh walks back in, he’s holding two large McDonald’s bags with one hand and two drinks in the other. He uses his foot to close the door and sits down across from Tyler.

“Ashley got this for us. She said she got stuff she knew we’d like, so I’m not too worried.” Josh grins as he opens the bags up and begins to pull out cheeseburgers and containers of chicken nuggets. The other bag has a large fry inside of it.

“Yeah, she hit greasy fast food heaven.” Tyler unwraps a burger and takes a bite, his eyes still on Josh. He’s waiting to see Josh’s reaction.

“Oh my God. Oh my  _ God.” _ Josh moans loudly. “I can’t believe it’s been this long.”

“I still can’t believe you went that long without fast food. The American in me would probably die.”

Josh laughs as he continues to munch on his burger and shovel fries into his mouth in between bites. Tyler keeps giggling too, only because he loves being able to spend time with Josh. No matter what they end up talking about, he always enjoyed himself.

“I’m really glad you came over,” Josh says after things have simmered down, “really. Debby texted me today, saying we should talk about us again. I think we’re just down about Valentine’s Day. I dunno. It just made me glad that I have someone like you.”

“Yeah?” Tyler eats a couple more fries. “Did you reply back to her?”

“No. It... it didn’t feel right.”

Tyler blows a raspberry. “Understandable. You don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to. I know I might be kind of biased here, considering the huge crush I have on you, but if you do want to go back--”

“I don’t want to go back. I’m ready to move on. You said I needed time to figure myself out, and... I have. Well, I am. I’ve been talking with my therapist about loving myself and practicing being out of my comfort zone. I was thinking... maybe we can call this a date?”

Tyler raises an eyebrow. “A date, huh?”

“Yeah. I know we never like, clarified it, but I think it’s a good start, don’t you think?”

“I’d like that,” Tyler agrees, scooting a bit closer to Josh. He pushes the McDonald’s bags out of the way so their knees can knock against one another. “If we’re calling this a date, does that mean we can do... date things?”

Josh smiles. “Depends on what you want to call date things.”

“Well,” he rolls onto his knees to grab the Death Cab album out of the crate once more, “let’s put this on and see what goes from there.”

“My parents have champagne downstairs. Should I get that?”

“Absolutely,” Tyler replies. He tells Josh he’ll tidy up while the other boy runs downstairs to get the alcohol and by the time they meet again, Tyler has the record on the player. The atmosphere feels calm and peaceful, especially with the lights twinkling above them. This album was the one Tyler always listened to before he went to bed. It was soothing enough to prepare him for the unknown.

Josh sets the champagne bottle next to the turntable before grabbing his pillows off his bed. He bunches them up against his dresser and beckons Tyler next to him. They lay down closely, pressed hip to hip, their legs brushing up against each other. Josh uses a corkscrew he brought with him to pop the top off and Tyler immediately launches for it to avoid having it spilled everywhere. Josh laughs behind his hands.

“You’re a dork,” he says.

“It’s good,” Tyler retorts, letting some of the champagne dribble down his chin. He swallows and hands the bottle over to Josh, who joins Tyler in taking a long swig. There is a moment of silence as they collect themselves, the music filling the spaces in between.

Josh looks over at Tyler and smiles. “My siblings really like you.”

“I’ve known them for a long time.”

A pause. “Did they ever talk about me?”

“They knew about you. Your mom showed them a lot of pictures of you. The ones she had, at least, when you were little. I don’t think they really paid much attention until they found out you were coming home.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m a nuisance to them. That sometimes they think I won’t be around forever and they just have to put on an act until I’m gone.”

Tyler frowns. “Josh, they don’t think that. They love you. It’s just gonna take some time to get used to it. It’s like... y’know, sometimes when people get remarried and they bring new kids into the family? Like stepchildren?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “I guess that makes sense. I’m trying hard to be nice and get to know them, but sometimes it’s hard.”

“I understand that, but I know they like you. And I know your parents are so happy to have you back.”

Josh runs a hand through his hair. “I love them a lot, and I’m so glad to be able to see them again. Just... thinking for so long that they were dead was hard. I remember lying in bed sobbing as a fifteen-year-old and wishing I could have seen them one last time before I had to go with Greg. Maybe that’s the hardest part. I love both of them.”

“It’s a hard situation for sure,” Tyler nods along, a wordless promise he’s listening. “I know things have been difficult for you since you’ve been home. You’ve been really strong, though. It’s a lot to start your life all over.”

“Yeah,” he wets his lips and moves to lean his head on Tyler’s shoulder. “I’ll say it again, though. You’ve been such a big help. Especially by inviting me to be with your friends. It just... it made everything easier. I know I lashed out and I probably will in the future, but for now... I’m happy.”

“When I found out you were back, I didn’t... I couldn’t believe it. There had been so many times before that people said they found you and it ended up being a false alarm. I went through so much therapy... and damn, dude. I thought about you all the time. The entire neighborhood changed. No one went outside and everyone was too scared to do...  _ anything. _ It’s the whole reason my mom homeschooled me after your disappearance. Everyone was scared they were going to be taken.”

“That’s something I never thought about,” Josh admits, moving his hand to rest on Tyler’s thigh. Tyler sets his hand on top of Josh’s. “I was so wrapped up in my own drama that I didn’t think about how other people felt. Especially my parents.”

“It was rough for them. Imagine losing a child.”

“Imagine a child thinking they lost their parents.” His eyes roll up to the ceiling. They look glossy, like he’s holding back tears. “We always end up talking about sad shit when we hang out.”

“Sometimes you can’t talk about it with anyone else.”

“True.” Josh shifts his hand so he can entangle his fingers with Tyler and sighs. “Should we talk about something happier?”

“Sure, or we could like, make out.” Tyler raises his eyebrows as Josh grows excited about the idea. He rolls over so he’s sitting in Tyler’s lap.

“Yeah. I’d like that.” Josh leans in first, allowing Tyler to wrap his hands around Josh’s waist. Tyler will be honest: Josh’s breath reeked of fast food, but it didn’t take away from the experience. It wasn’t like any of their other kisses, either. Kissing Josh was something Tyler had daydreamed about for a long time. When Josh was missing and Tyler would think about it, he always pictured Josh as this stunning, talented guy who would return like his knight in shining armor. It was a stupid dream, but now that he was sitting here, in Josh’s room, his hands on Josh’s hands and his tongue in Josh’s mouth, it didn’t seem so stupid.

His top lip is warm and his philtrum is the perfect place for Tyler’s kisses. Their noses bump a couple of times, causing them to burst into giggles, but it doesn’t interrupt the mood or the process. Josh’s hands are soft on his hips, bunching up the fabric of Tyler’s tee in his hands out of anxiety. Tyler assures him with soft touches that it’s okay, that they can go slow if they want to. Tyler thinks he might be in love, which is crazy. It’s far too early and he’s far too young.

“Can I take your shirt off?” Tyler mumbles against Josh’s wet lips. With a nod, Josh lifts his arms up high enough for Tyler to properly tug off his shirt and discard it off to the side. His skin is pale, delicate, and soft, his stomach soft and his pectorals bulging ever so slightly. Tyler is immediately drawn to his nipples, hard with arousal.

“God, you’re hot,” Tyler about moans. Josh laughs.

They trade sides, Tyler straddling Josh’s hips and taking off his own shirt before lowering his chest down to barely brush against Josh’s. He feels a little self-conscious about his body, only because he’s never really been able to get a lot of meat on his bones. Tyler is scrawny, lanky, and awkward compared to Josh.

Josh doesn’t seem to care, though. He runs his hands over Tyler’s shoulders, down his arms, across his abdomen. His eyes sparkle with determination.

The kiss continues. Tyler slowly begins to move his lips down the length of Josh’s body, kissing first his chin, then down his neck. Josh gasps slightly when Tyler begins to suck a hickey into his skin, grinning smugly like he’s just discovered Pandora’s box.

“Yeah, that’s... fuck, that’s good,” Josh encourages him, his eyelids fluttering shut. After Tyler feels he’s left a significant bruise, he continues. One kiss to Josh’s collarbone, another to the dip in his sternum, one to each of his nipples. Josh gasps again.

“You like that?” Tyler whispers huskily, pausing to let his eyes flicker upward. Josh bites his lip and nods his head.

“Please.”

Tyler lowers his lips to Josh’s left nipple, giving it a gentle kiss before letting his tongue run along the surface. Josh shudders underneath him, giving Tyler incentive to bite down and begin to suck.

“Fuck, dude. Fuck.”

Tyler smiles again. He lets his fingers wander up and down Josh’s torso, comforting him through his experience, up until Josh doesn’t seem like he can handle it anymore. He is palming himself through his pants when Tyler leans back up.

His eyes are hooded. “Do you... is it...?”

Tyler doesn’t need to finish for Josh to understand. His cheeks flushed, Josh nods his head. “It’s okay. Just... let me keep my briefs on for now, okay?”

“Of course,” Tyler nods, shifting off of Josh’s legs to let him unbutton his pants. He helps Josh tug them off when they get stuck at his ankles and stands up to shuffle out of his. Josh’s boxers are neon green.

“I dig those,” he says, hoping to make Josh feel less awkward.

It seems to work. “Thank you. I like yours too.” 

Tyler looks down because he forgot what boxers he was wearing. His have tiny raccoons all over them. “I forgot I owned these.”

“Get over here,” demands Josh. He lets Tyler straddle him again, their clothed cocks rubbing up against one another as they return to making out. Tyler can feel Josh’s hands poking and prodding down there. He really wants to get on with it, but he understands that Josh needs to take things slow. This is new for him. If something bad happens, it could ruin every sexual experience he had from this point on.

“Wait,” Josh suddenly says, pushing Tyler gently on the chest. “Are you... like, should I have shaved for tonight?”

“Where?” Oh. He understands. “Down there?”

“Yeah.” His face is still bright red. Tyler assumes this is going to be a reoccurring thing. “Is that... is that a dumb question?”

“You don’t need to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, Josh. I promise.”

“I just... I don’t want you to make fun of me. For my... size.”

Tyler notes the bulge in Josh’s boxers but refrains from making any jokes. “Dude, I would never do that. The size of your dick doesn’t matter.”

“Does it hurt?”

“We don’t need to do any penetration if you’re nervous. Let’s take it slow, okay?”

Josh lets his bottom lip slide through his teeth. “Okay. I, uhm. Can you take your underwear off first?”

Tyler nods, once again sliding off of Josh’s hips to pull his boxers down. Josh stares at his erection balancing perfectly against his tummy. Tyler had never really found a reason to shave his groin, so he’s rocking an entire fucking forest down there. If Josh was worried, Tyler had just proven he had nothing to worry about.

“I think I just got harder,” he murmurs, his pupils dilating. Tyler lays down on Josh’s bed just as the song Transatlanticism starts. It’s fitting. 

“This will be more comfortable,” Tyler promises. With a nod, Josh uses his dresser to pull himself up and braces for what comes next. After a deep breath, Josh pulls his briefs off and tosses them to the side.

Oh, God. Yeah, Tyler is in love. Josh is just as hard as him, and all the hair turns Tyler into a blubbering mess. He never really thought it was the hair that was a turn on, but it makes Josh’s cock all the more attractive. Pink, flushed, and ready to orgasm, Tyler gestures Josh over to the bed.

“You look fine,” he assures. Josh swallows nervously and slides next to Tyler, who wraps an arm around him and kisses him hard. Josh relaxes underneath his touch, growing more and more comfortable with Tyler’s embrace.

With Tyler’s tongue on the roof of his mouth, Josh inches his hand down to stroke himself. His fingers accidentally brush against Tyler’s own cock, causing him to involuntarily moan.

“Shit, sorry.”

“Can you fit both of them in there?” He looks down as Josh tries to configure their bodies on his twin sized bed. The mattress creaks as they adjust, providing enough room for Josh’s hand to wrap around both of their dicks. He makes another noise that sounds like a mix between a whine and a gasp.

Tyler thrusts himself into Josh’s palm, his breathing heavy as he pushes Josh’s hair off his forehead. His entire face glimmers with sweat. “You’re doing good,” he continues with the encouragements, hoping it’s enough to get Josh through this without freaking out. Tyler knows all about freaking out. After all, his first sexual experience had been with someone from an online dating app that he just needed to help him lose his virginity. The stranger hadn’t been very kind to Tyler, nor had he really cared that Tyler wasn’t ready.

Tyler would make sure it wouldn’t be that way for Josh.

“Tyler,” Josh huffs, his hand slowly down, pulling the friction away, “it’s... it’s getting hard to--”

“It’s okay,” he promises, giving Josh a gentle push away from him. “I can take over from here. Just relax, okay?”

“Okay,” Josh succumbs, letting Tyler push and pull him into a more comfortable position. He flips onto his stomach, allowing Tyler to pepper the arch of his back with tender kisses. Josh buries his face into his pillows, his toes twisting in his bedsheets. Tyler strokes the sides of his torso, resting his chin right on the small of Josh’s back. 

“You okay?”

“I’m okay,” Josh mumbles into his pillow. Tyler runs his fingers over the curve of Josh’s ass and kisses each cheek. He can feel Josh quivering underneath him.

“Good boy,” Tyler whispers, kissing his ass again. He uses both hands to give it a tight squeeze, pausing when Josh whines again.

“Gonna eat you out,” he tells Josh.

“Oh, fuck.” Josh slams his head into his pillow for dramatic effect. Tyler pulls Josh’s ass cheeks taunt, giving him enough room to press his tongue to Josh’s asshole.

“Hnnnnngh,” Josh says louder. Tyler shushes him.

“Your family is downstairs,” he reminds the boy shaking underneath him. Josh shoves his fist in his mouth as Tyler return to licking his asshole. He dips in and out quickly, sliding his tongue along the length of Josh’s crack. The noises Josh exclaim makes Tyler harder. While one hand returns to pull at Josh’s right cheek, his other dips under to stroke himself. He spits, letting it dribble down Josh’s perineum before lowering his lips back down.

“Tyler,” he gasps, trying to catch his breath, “I need you, to, to...”

“Use your words,” Tyler demands, quickening his pace on his own dick. He thinks he knows what’s coming.

Sure enough, Josh makes some recognition of what he needs, prompting Tyler to sit up so Josh could flip back over. He hikes his knees up and rests his head on his pillows, using his forearms to prop himself up.

“You want your dick sucked?” Tyler asks, raising an eyebrow. Josh nods. He wants nothing more than to make Josh satisfied, to give Josh a good experience, so that’s what he does. He kisses the inside of Josh’s thigh, letting him stroke his own dick until Tyler is ready to push Josh’s hands away. He takes Josh’s balls in his mouth, listening to the cooing, biting down every so slightly just to tease. Tyler licks up the shaft, mouths at the glands, and finally takes the head of Josh’s cock between his lips. Josh melts into the bed like an ice cream cone in the sun.

“Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck.” His moans are loud and his face is red, but Tyler doesn’t stop. He licks and nips and sucks until Josh is screaming his name, his entire body arching upward as he comes into Tyler’s mouth. Tyler takes it like a champ; after all, he wanted every part of Josh and was receiving exactly what he wanted. Josh breathes heavily as he comes down off his high. There are tears in his eyes.

“That felt so good,” his voice is hushed, “so fucking good. Can I... should I help you?”

“Give me a handjob and we’ll call it even,” Tyler suggests. Josh takes him up on that offer, moving to his knees to jerk Tyler off until he comes too. Josh tells him not to worry about the sheets.

“I can wash them later,” he explains, his face still red.

They shower after that. When they head downstairs to throw their trash away, Ashley smiles at them with a look on her face that says she  _ knows.  _ Tyler isn’t sure  _ what _ she knows, but she knows there’s something going on between them. He wonders if she can see the glow across Josh’s face.

When they get back up to Josh’s room, he puts a new record on and returns to the pillows on the ground. Josh had twice as many pillows as Tyler did, which Tyler thoroughly enjoyed. His entire room resonated comfort.

“How are you?” Tyler sits down next to him and looks up at the lights.

“I feel kinda dumb for being so scared. When you’re with someone you care about, it’s not that scary.”

“Yeah, it really isn’t. But you never know. I could have been the wrong person.”

“I wouldn’t have been ready if you weren’t the right person. Or maybe that’s not the right thing to say. Not the right person, but someone I feel comfortable doing... that with. Does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense,” he reassures Josh, “did that confirm... anything?”

“I definitely like dudes. I dunno. I feel like I like girls too, but what if that’s just because I was taught to like them?”

“The next four years of your life are meant for experimenting and figuring yourself out. If you don’t think you like them, then you don’t. If you do, you do. There’s nothing wrong with either one of them.”

“It’s just hard when I think about it. Simply because I had significantly less time than everyone else to figure out my life.”

“We all learn things at different times. It’s okay, I promise.” 

Josh moves his head to rest on Tyler’s chest and cuddles up close to him. In return, Tyler begins to run his fingers through Josh’s hair. “I must sound like a broken record by this point, but I really am thankful you were so willing to be my friend and help me out. Even when I was a dick.”

“I wouldn’t avoid you. We were best friends. We still are best friends.”

Josh hums happily. “That means so much.”

“Have your friends in L.A. contacted you at all? Do you talk to them?”

“Sometimes. Not as much as I thought they would, but it’s still nice to hear from them. It kinda sucks when I think about it. I’m out of sight, out of mind.”

“You got new friends now.”

A nod. “Yeah, you’re right. And that’s much better.”

\---

Tyler gets home pretty late that night, far after his parents have gone to bed. He tiptoes up to his bedroom, making sure not to disturb Zack or Jay by stomping around. 

That night, he dreams of ice cream cones and Josh.


	7. Death Valley

The night of the concert, Josh shows up outside Tyler’s house to pick him up. It’s the first time Josh has been over to Tyler’s house since arriving back in Ohio.

“I just got my license,” he exclaims, showing Tyler the crinkled piece of paper with his picture on it, “I knew how to drive, but Greg wouldn’t let me get it.”

That made sense, and Tyler was sure Josh knew that he knew, so he keeps quiet.

Tyler’s mother treats Josh like her fourth son. She gives him a big hug, offers him leftover dinner, drinks, and dessert, and asks if she can do anything for him. Josh assures her he is fine and promises to tell his mother Mrs. Joseph said hello.

The rest of Tyler’s family looks at Josh like he’s some kind of celebrity, which Tyler can understand. All of Tyler’s siblings except Zack were born after Josh’s disappearance and only knew about him because Tyler and his parents talked about the Dun family constantly. Maddy even offers Josh one of her drawings. He takes it, of course, because he doesn’t want to disappoint her.

They kiss when Tyler climbs into the car. Josh borrowed his parent’s SUV, so it’s a nice car with heated seats and Apple Carplay. Tyler’s forearm has imprints from the leather center console when they break away.

“It feels weirdly good to be sneaking around with you,” Josh says as he pulls out of the driveway and follows the GPS out of the neighborhood, “like, better than when everyone knew I had a girlfriend.”

“It’s because it feels good to break the rules. It’s like underage drinking or smoking pot illegally. I don’t know, humans like the adrenaline danger brings.”

“We aren’t breaking any rules, are we?” Josh answers nervously. Tyler shrugs.

“Rules of society, maybe.”

“That’s true.” His eyes make a quick glance over at Tyler before returning to the road. He has his hands on ten and two, only slightly white from how hard he’s gripping the wheel. “So... about us. I don’t know exactly if we’re ready to define the relationship, but I really... don’t want to come across as... well, you know.”

His internalized homophobia had returned. “Yeah, okay. So no holding hands or kissing or whatever.”

“Yeah. Just... not in front of people.”

Tyler sighs and turns to look out the window. He understood why Josh was afraid. It just frustrated him that Josh either couldn’t or wouldn’t let people know he was not straight.

“That’s fine, man. Don’t worry about it.” He doesn’t turn away from the window.

“I know you’re irritated that I keep doing this, and I’m... I’m really sorry. I just can’t find it in myself to let other people know I’m into dudes. I’m scared something bad will happen.”

“Seriously, J. It’s okay.” This time, Tyler settles Josh’s nerves with a smile and a squeeze of his shoulder.

“You’re so patient, dude. I don’t get how you can do that.”

Tyler shrugs. “When you grow up being the oldest, it’s just something that kind of happens.”

Josh nods his head. “Maybe I can develop some patience now that I’m home. I’ll tell you what though, sometimes I’m really tested.” He scoffs. “I had to practically beg my mom to let me go to this concert. She was so convinced Greg would be there to get me.”

“I’ll protect you,” Tyler says, causing Josh to chuckle.

“He’s not going to be here anyway. It would be insane for him to come back to Ohio. There are police on patrol literally everywhere. I was even told the other day that Netflix wanted to do a documentary about me. How fucking crazy is that?”

“Do you want to do a documentary?”

“I dunno. I’m not really enjoying all the attention I’ve been getting. Besides Jenna, most people only whisper about me instead of actually approaching or saying hello. And I’m pretty sure my teachers have been going easy on me. The special treatment I’ve been getting really pisses me off. When I was in California, I was no one special. I miss that.”

“I understand. I mean, not the fame part, but I’m sure everyone who becomes famous overnight struggles to deal with it at first. I think you’re doing pretty well so far.”

“Sometimes I see news people outside my house. Mom keeps the blinds shut, but sometimes I hear the camera clicks and... honestly, I don’t know if it’s real or not.”

“I didn’t realize it was that bad for you.”

“Well, not bad. But yeah.” He shrugs his shoulders lamely. “I feel like I spend too much time venting to you.”

“No, not at all! It’s good to get that stuff off your chest.” Tyler touches his shoulder again, softly, hoping it’s enough to show he cares. “I’ll say it a thousand times if you need me to. Seriously, vent to me all you need. Like, therapy is awesome, but talking to friends can help too. Especially since I kinda understand.”

“Affected by the same problem in different ways,” Josh mumbles, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. “Do you still go to therapy?”

“Nah. I stopped a long time ago, but it might be a good idea. There’s just been a lot going on.”

“Am I making things harder?”

“Absolutely not!” Tyler exclaims. “You’ve made things better. At first, it was a little difficult, but it’s gotten better.”

Josh’s smile grows. “I thought you would have forgotten about me, after all these years.”

Tyler smiles back. “I could never forget about you.”

\---

“We can stand in the back if it makes you more comfortable,” offers Josh as they walk down into the general admission area. Tyler is donning a brand new Death Cab for Cutie shirt that Josh bought him over the one he wore to the concert itself.

“I’m cool with being up in the middle, you know, to get the whole experience.”

“If you’re cool with it, then sure.” Josh grabs his shoulder and moves into the crowd, slipping through small gaps so they are center stage. Tyler can’t stop grinning even though it’s just a drum set and a few banners from the opening band on stage.

“This is so cool,” he practically yells over the crowd. Josh laughs, his hand still tight on Tyler’s shoulder. He pushes forward even more, taking advantage of their skinny frames to sneak in between bodies. They don’t get to the barrier, but Tyler’s feet touch the metal case covering the wires from the stage. He stands slightly taller than Josh, enough to see the stage with a height advantage on his side.

Tyler is unable to stop hopping up and down from one foot to another.  He’s anxious, not knowing what’s going to happen when the band comes on stage. Will people shove him? Will he get separated from Josh? Is he gonna have to fight someone?

Josh must be able to tell that something is going on in that thick skull of his, or maybe Tyler has it plastered all over his face. Either way, he brushes the inside of Tyler’s palm and smiles at him.

“You okay?”

Tyler nods. “Nervous.”

“We won’t get separated, okay? I promise. When the opening band comes on, everyone will start shoving, but I’ll be right here.” Josh moves Tyler’s hand to his bicep and uses his palm to comfort Tyler with a pat. “Keep it right there.”

He wants to ask if Josh is afraid people will think something is up between them, but Josh is still smiling, ready to enjoy the show, and Tyler lets it be.

He never does move his hand from Josh’s arm during the show, nor does Josh make him. It’s comfortable and keeps him calm. Tyler is sure it made the show that much better.

Afterward, sweaty and buzzing with energy, their throats raw from all the screaming and singing along, Josh leads Tyler back to his mom’s SUV by his hand, hidden in the darkness. It’s only eleven, but Mrs. Dun made it clear she wanted Josh back by twelve and neither boy wanted to piss her off. Josh doesn’t seem too concerned with time, though. Instead of sliding into the front seat, he opens the trunk and climbs in on his hands and knees. The seats are down, providing them with more room to fool around. At least, Tyler hopes that’s what they’re doing.

“That was the best concert I’ve ever been to,” Tyler exclaims as he peels both of his sticky shirts off. He tries to wipe the sweat off his collarbones and sweeps his wet hair off his forehead. Josh laughs as he shuts the trunk behind them. 

“Dude, that’s the only concert you’ve been to,” he corrects.

“True, but unless I’m seeing Sigur Ros or The Killers anytime soon, I think I can declare that to be the best concert ever.”

“Fair enough,” Josh replies. He leans against the back frame of the vehicle and smiles smugly. “So we got time to kill.”

“It takes half an hour to get home.”

“Eh, twenty if I speed. We’ll be okay. It’s late and people aren’t on the roads.”

“Even though it’s a Friday night?” 

Josh shrugs. “Tyler, are you trying to make it so we  _ don’t  _ make out?”

“Oh, is that what you wanna do?” Now he has a smug grin on his face too, matching the mischief in Josh’s eyes. “Okay then, asshole. Stay still.”

Tyler slots a knee in between Josh’s legs and pulls on his hips, causing him to fall onto his back. With a laugh, Tyler plants his hands on either side of Josh’s body and leans in to kiss him. He’s gentle, barely pressing his lips against the surface of Josh’s skin, really wanting to make him work for it. If he was going to be a brat about this, so could Tyler.

Josh’s hand sneaks across his naked torso, causing Tyler to flinch and pull away.

“Didn’t like that, huh?” He bats his eyelashes. “Not fun to be played with, now is it?”

Tyler scoffs. “Josh.”

“Don’t be a bastard, Tyler. Get over here and kiss me.”

With a cheeky shake of his head, Tyler leans back down, letting Josh grab his waist and pull him closer. They kiss for what feels like hours, but probably is only a few minutes: starting off slow and dry, and ending with Josh’s tongue practically down Tyler’s throat. It’s okay, though. Tyler likes it.

“On your back,” Josh demands, his voice nearly a growl as he uses his hips to roll Tyler over. He pins Tyler’s wrists down against the ground and uses his thighs to clamp Tyler’s legs together.

“Damn, what did that concert do to you?” He’s teasing, a smirk on his face, but Josh only cocks an eyebrow and lowers his lips to the corner of Tyler’s mouth. Tyler’s breathing halts.

“I have to return the favor from the other night,” he whispers huskily, his breath hot against the shell of Tyler’s ear, “this is a two-way street.”

Tyler tries to run through and recall everything they did on Valentine’s Day, but nothing in particular is coming to him. They had sex. Is that what Josh wants? Wait. Is Josh going to  _ top him? _

He’s used to leading at this point, but the idea sends shivers through his body. In fact, he’s so deep in his sexual fantasies that he doesn’t notice Josh unbuttoning his jeans and trying to tug them off his body.

“What did you have in mind?” Tyler’s voice cracks as he lifts his hips up to help Josh get his pants off. He kicks them off his ankles and Josh discards them to the side, eyeing Tyler with arousal as he pulls his shirt off and plops it in the pile.

“I’m gonna give it a go,” Josh says like it’s obvious. Tyler frowns.

“I don’t know what that means.”

He blushes. “Dude, I’m gonna suck your dick. Jesus Christ.”

In laughter, Tyler nods his head and beckons Josh back down so he can catch him in another kiss. “Okay, okay. Sorry to kill the mood.”

“I’ve been watching tutorials,” Josh informs as he palms Tyler through his boxers, “on how to suck your boyfriend’s dick.”

“Oh, I didn’t know we defined the relationship yet.”

His face darkens. “Shit. I mean. Y’know. Porn n’ shit.” Josh shakes his head and moves to slip his fingers under the waistband of Tyler’s boxers. “Please ignore the words coming out of my mouth, I’m not thinking before I speak.”

“Josh.” Tyler grabs his wrist, stopping him from pulling, and tries to make it clear that it’s okay. “It’s fine. Take it at your own pace, okay?”

Josh takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

Off come Tyler’s boxers. He’s only half hard, so he holds his own dick up until Josh can take over.

Underwear discarded, Josh pushes Tyler’s legs up so they bend and the knee and situates himself in between them. They trade off, Tyler’s hands grasping at his chest as Josh begins to stroke his cock.

“Okay,” he murmurs again, speaking to himself, “here we go.” Josh takes the head of Tyler dick into his mouth and swirls his tongue around in a circle, causing Tyler to softly moan. He doesn’t need to, but figures it will encourage Josh to keep going and let him know he’s off to a wonderful start. Sure enough, Josh moves deeper, hollowing his cheeks as he bobs up and down. His hands grip the base of Tyler’s cock tightly, every so often squeezing his balls. This might be Josh’s first time sucking dick, but he’s doing a really,  _ really _ good job. All the blood in Tyler’s body is now in his cock.

“You’re doing so good,” Tyler says in one large gasp, reaching his right hand over to latch onto Josh’s hair, “oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s really good.”

Josh tries to grin, but considering the dick in his mouth, it’s a little lopsided. He then bursts into laughter, causing himself to pull away and try to catch his breath. His laughter makes Tyler laugh too, which is a first. He had never laughed while someone gave him a blowjob.

“Sorry, sorry. I just started thinking about what I was doing and started laughing.”

“It’s all good, man.”

“I can, er,” Josh shifts closer, once again taking Tyler’s dick in his hand, “want me to finish?”

“If you can make me come within the next five minutes, sure, but we really gotta get home or your mom will seriously kick my ass.”

Josh groans. “Don’t bring up my mom while I have your penis in my hand.”

“Fuck, sorry.” Tyler lets his head drop back down against the rough surface of the trunk and waves his hand. “Go at it.”

Josh licks his lips and lowers his head. “Gladly.”

\---

They barely make it home in time; in fact, the clock reads 11:59when they arrive at Tyler’s house. Josh is spending the night, the most recent change in plans after begging Mrs. Dun. Tyler’s mom promised she’d keep an eye on both of them, which meant she wasn’t going to look after them at all. His mom trusted him. Besides, it wasn’t like they could bang or fool around with Zack and Jay also in the bedroom.

Tyler’s mother laid out blankets and a pillow for Josh on the ground next to Tyler’s bed, but Josh climbs into the twin beside Tyler and lays his head on Tyler’s chest. They both stripped down to only their boxers and their skin radiates heat between both of them. 

“Thanks again for tonight,” whispers Tyler, “I had a lot of fun.”

“I think we should go steady,” Josh says back. His voice doesn’t waver once.

“Really?”

“Really. I thought about it, and I want to call you my boyfriend.”

“Even though that’s kinda gay?”

Josh giggles quietly. “Especially because it’s kinda gay.”

Tyler smiles into his pillow. “I’d like that.”

“That’s such a relief.”

“Did you think I was gonna say no?”

“Part of me maybe thought that. You know. Anxiety, or something like that.”

“Dude, I like you a lot. Like, a lot, a lot.”

“You have such a way with words.” They both burst into another round of laughter, trying hard to smother it behind their hands to avoid waking up Tyler’s younger brothers. Josh buries his face in Tyler’s chest.

“I haven’t felt... cared for, in a way like this,” Josh continues, speaking directly into Tyler’s sternum. “It’s different than the way Debby and I loved each other and it’s different than the way Greg loved me. I don’t know how to explain it, but it makes me happy.”

“Makes me feel warm,” Tyler adds. Josh nods.

“Exactly. It’s like all of this is one big metaphor for happiness. Do you think we’re making use of life?”

“If the purpose of life is the pursuit of happiness, then I think we’re off to a good start.”

Josh smiles. He stretches his neck to peck Tyler’s lips. “Goodnight, Ty.”

“Night, Josh.”

\---

Tyler plays a basketball game at the end of the month. Josh strolls in, keys twirling around his pinkie finger as he catches Tyler throwing free throws to warm up before the game. They share a smile before Tyler returns to practicing and Josh sits down in the bleachers next to Mark and Jenna. It’s the first time he’s seen them properly since New Year’s Eve. Yes, he and Jenna had classes together, but they hadn’t been communicating as much as usual. It was a busy time of the year as students prepared for AP exams and applied to colleges and prepared for classes. It wasn’t that they were growing apart, but rather running out of youth.

“Hey, Joshie,” Jenna greets him, flashing her beautiful white teeth as she gives him a side hug. “Good to see you.”

“Hey, man,” Mark adds, waving. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, sorry guys. Between school and the press--” Josh stops himself and tries to backpedal, “that kind of made me sound like a douchebag.”

“No, we get it. You’re a local celebrity.” Jenna bumps her shoulder against his in a gesture of support. “We’ve all been busy, but I guess you and Tyler especially.”

Josh blushes. “We’ve been hanging out.”

“Oh, that’s what you call it?” Mark raises an eyebrow and smirks. “Interesting.”

“I mean, we went to a concert a couple of weeks ago--”

“That’s  _ all _ you did?” Jenna adds extra emphasis to the word all. Josh suddenly feels like he’s in an interrogation.

“I don’t know what Tyler told you--”

“He told us nothing. That’s why we’re asking you.” Jenna crosses her arms and pouts. “He’s such a bastard.”

Josh takes a moment to look back at the court. He locates Tyler, who throws a half-court shot and makes it, earning a roaring cheer from his teammates who surround him in victory. Josh can practically hear Tyler’s hyena laugh from all the way over here.

“We’re together,” he confirms, “but I think he’s wanting to keep it on the down low right now. This is all kind of new for both of us.”

“So... was it Tyler who made you realize you liked men?” Jen smacks Mark in the shoulder and scoffs at him.

“Dude, you can’t ask him that!”

Josh laughs. “No, it’s okay. Really. I wanna say yes, but honestly? Now that I’ve had time to think about it... I think it’s been a long time coming.”

Mark nods. “You and Tyler are so much more alike than either one of you think.”

“Really?” He looks back toward the court. “I think you’re right.”

“Did you guys have a good Valentine’s Day?” Jenna has a look on her face like she knows just  _ exactly _ they got up to. He wonders if Tyler mentioned anything.

“Yeah, it was great. We ate McDonald's.”

“Ah, true love.” She bats her eyelashes playfully. “I’m happy for you guys.”

“Just letting you know, though,” Mark begins, leaning forward to look Josh dead in the eyes, “if you hurt him, I will kick your ass.”

Josh raises his hands in front of his chest defensively. “Noted.”

\---

Tyler’s team wins that night, which calls for celebratory ice cream. They go to Coldstone and gather in the back corner, Tyler’s coat thrown over his sweaty basketball uniform. Josh sits close enough so their knees knock, but still nervous about outside attention, avoids any other form of touching.

“Thanks for coming to my game,” Tyler smiles as he leans forward on his elbows, “I know it’s been kind of a while since we’ve all hung out.”

“It happens,” Mark waves his hand as to tell him not to worry about it, “I’m just glad to be hanging out with you all now.”

“The gang has reunited,” Tyler tilts his head up to the ceiling proudly before taking a bite of his ice cream. “Feels so good.”

“I think we need to have another party,” Jenna suggests. Mark smirks.

“So you can get drunk?”

“Fucking obviously,” she replies. Tyler laughs.

“We can’t have it at my place. No matter how clean it gets, my mom will be able to tell.”

“It’ll most likely be broadcasted at my place.” Josh rolls his eyes. “Those assholes never leave us alone.”

“We could probably do it at my place over spring break. My parents usually go out of town.” Jenna raises her eyebrows, causing everyone to share a look.

“That could work,” Mark says. “I got a friend who could get us alcohol.”

“There you go.” Josh leans back in his chair and folds his arms. “Spring break party.”

“Featuring local celebrity Joshua Dun,” Jenna teases, reaching out to playfully smack him. Josh rolls his eyes.

“Oh yeah, that’ll really bring them in. Come see the kidnapped kid!”

“So many girls would offer to suck your dick,” Tyler sticks his tongue out, which earns him a punch in the shoulder.

“Shut up, dude,” he blushes.

“We already know who’s sucking Josh’s dick at this table.”

“Mark!” Tyler practically roars. Fortunately, they’re the only ones in the Coldstone and the employees don’t bat an eyelash.

“What? Am I wrong?!”

“You’re such an asshole, dude.”

“You can’t expect to be dating him and not get teased. We all do that with every person we ever date. Remember Jessie?” Mark rolls his eyes. “Y’all practically scared her away.”

“What are friends for?” Jenna adds.

“You’re turning Josh into a tomato.”

“Am not!” Josh argues, his face definitely the color of a tomato.

“Okay, we need to have a toast for Tyler winning his game,” Jenna changes the subject and raises her ice cream cup in the air, “and one for this fucking awesome upcoming party.”

“You say it like you think it’ll be awesome,” Mark says dryly as he also raises his ice cream up. Josh and Tyler join him.

“It will be,” Josh supports Jen, flashing a charming smile. Under the table, Tyler touches his knee.

“To me,” Tyler says, “and my badass basketball skills.”

“And to the party, which will be dope,” Josh adds.

“Because I’ll be there,” Jenna concludes. They clink their cups together and cheer.

Right then and there, Tyler thinks he may have ended his pursuit of happiness.

Everything he needed was right in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #Tylerisabastard2k19


	8. A Change in Pace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm posting tonight so that the two final chapters can be put out on Sunday and Tuesday. Thank you to all who's been reading, leaving kudos, commenting and bookmarking! Really means the world.

“Hey Tyler, can we talk to you?” His mother asks him right before he’s about to head upstairs for the night. He stops, pivots on the stairs to face his parents sitting at the kitchen table, and sighs. Shit. What’d he do this time?

Tyler drags his feet all the way to the table so he can take a seat. He twirls his thumbs under the table and chews on the inside of his cheek. “What’s up?”

“Your father and I have noticed that you’ve been spending a lot of time with Josh lately,” she gestures to Tyler’s dad, who looks just as excited to be here as Tyler, “and we just want to make sure everything is okay.”

Tyler scrunches his face up. “Uhm... yeah? Whaddya mean by that?”

They share that classic parent “we know more than you” look. His mother sighs. “We’ve been talking with Josh’s parents. Apparently, he’s been really distant about sharing his feelings with them.”

“Isn’t that the point of therapy?” He crosses his arms.

“You would tell us what you discussed with your therapist. I feel like you’ve been distant too.”

Tyler holds in his urge to scoff at his parent’s claims. “I’m not trying to be distant. It’s just that Josh is back, you know? And we have a lot of missed time to catch up on. We’re still best friends.”

“I think there might be something more going on between you guys.” Tyler is surprised to hear his father say that. His dad was a man of few words, who usually kept to himself during these “family talks” and let Kelly take the lead. For him to figure that out meant Tyler was either doing a terrible job hiding his feelings or his dad had a lot more intuition than he thought.

His mom purses her lips. “We don’t want to pressure you into saying anything you don’t feel comfortable saying. And we don’t want to assume anything. I just want you to know that your father and I will be supportive of you, okay? No matter what.”

He lets his tongue run over his lips as his gaze falls to the table. They’ve had that table since Tyler was born and there are so many scratches and crayon marks on it that it might be considered an art piece at this point. “Josh and I... we’re just... hanging out, okay? There’s a lot of things he didn’t get to do growing up and there was some stuff I didn’t get to do either. Like... going to a concert? You guys would have never let me do that. There was so much stuff I didn’t get to do because of Josh’s disappearance. Now that he’s back, I just feel like I can be myself again.”

“We were just trying to protect you.”

“I know that. And I’m thankful for all you guys did. I’m just saying, I’ll be independent by the end of the year at school and what’s going to happen then? Do you think you’ll still be watching my every move and checking up on me?” He scoffs. “We argued for months about me being able to get my driver’s license. Remember that?”

They stay quiet. Tyler can tell his mom wants to say something and it’s killing her not to be able to say it, but yet, she says nothing.

“I love you guys a lot. Trust me. Nothing is more important to me than our family. I just think that maybe... maybe, it’s time to let me be my own person.”

After a few more moments of silence, his mother nods her head and reaches out to touch Tyler’s hand. “We love you, sweetie. We want you to be happy. If that means we need to step back and give you a bit more freedom, we can work on that. It’ll be hard, but we can work on it.”

Tyler smiles. “I’m not going to get kidnapped. And I can make sure to stay in contact, okay? We can compromise on this whole independence thing.”

“I think we also need to compromise on the rules when Josh is in the house.” His father raises his eyebrows. “Open doors from now on.”

“Oh my God, Dad--”

“And no sex.”

His face turns bright red. “Dad!”

“Okay, Chris, that’s enough.” She pats her husband’s arm and looks back at her son. “Whatever you’re doing with Josh, just make sure it’s appropriate. You don’t need to tell us anything until you’re ready, alright?”

Tyler wants to bury his entire head in the sand like an ostrich. He never expected to have this conversation with his parents, or at least, not this early. The fact that his parents had some idea of what he and Josh were doing when they “hung out” made him want to puke. “Okay, okay. We’re just hanging out, okay? Nothing more than that.” He probably shouldn’t have lied, but at that moment, his anxiety took over.

“Okay sweetie, whatever you say. And one last thing. Your father and I think you should start going back to therapy.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. There’s just been so much happening at once. We think it would be good for you.”

“Mom, I don’t--”

“I  _ know _ you, Tyler. You’re my son. You internalize everything and without an outlet, you’re bubbling like a volcano about to explode.”

They didn’t know that he snuck away to play piano at Jim’s every week. They didn’t know he wanted to be a musician and not go to college. If they knew that, how would they react? His entire life had been pre-planned to make sure he had the best childhood he could have and that his future education would be taken care of. Everything his parents had him do had been for  _ him. _ Tyler would be a selfish asshole for telling his parents he wanted to take a different path.

“I take my medicine,” he mumbles. “I’m okay.”

“Even when you’re okay, it’s still good to talk to someone.”

He sighs. Tyler wants his parents to be happy. Maybe they’re right. A lot has been going on, and talking about it might help.

There’s only one thing that’s bothering him. “You guys don’t think I need to go back to therapy because you think I’m...” Fuck, he can’t even say it. How could he be so upset about Josh’s internalized homophobia when his own was just as bad? Why couldn’t he just admit to his parents that he was gay?

His mother clicks her tongue and grabs his hand again. “Oh honey, no, not at all! This is simply because Josh is home now. We just feel like you have a lot on your plate.”

He chuckles nervously. “Right, of course.”

She reaches over to kiss his forehead. “We love you a lot, baby.”

“More than you might think,” his dad grumbles. Tyler nods.

“I love you guys too.” He squeezes his mom’s hand, takes a deep breath, and adds, “You don’t get to pick the person you fall in love with. Sometimes... sometimes, it just happens.”

They smile back. “We know, sweetheart.”

He goes to bed that night feeling bittersweet. It was nice to know his parents supported him and were willing to give him a bit more freedom.

It just sucked that Tyler felt like he was betraying them with this whole music thing.

\---

Josh meets Tyler at Jim’s after school the next day. Tyler had been sitting at the piano for two hours and had yet to touch a single key.

“Hey,” Josh speaks in a hushed tone as he makes his way into the practice room and shuts the door behind him. “Sorry I’m a little late, getting out of school was hell.”

“Must be exciting to be able to drive now, though.” Tyler doesn’t turn his head toward his boyfriend, still distraught by the instrument in front of him.

“Yeah, it’s kinda liberating. I’m lucky my mom is being so cool about it.” A pause. “Well, I’d say that lightly. She texts me almost every hour and there’s an app on my phone so she can see what speed I’m driving at.”

“Did you tell her where you were going?”

“Just said I was gonna hang out with you. Everything alright, man?”

With a sigh, Tyler scoots over so Josh can sit down on the bench next to him and presses the C key on the piano. The sound resonates throughout the room. “My parents seemed to figure out what was going on between... well, us. They sat me down yesterday to tell me they would support me no matter who I loved.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, until my dad brought up you and sex in the same sentence.” Tyler shudders. “No, it was good. I just hate that I feel like I’m betraying them.”

“Why do you think that?” Josh presses a random key on the piano for the hell of it, causing Tyler to chuckle. He reaches over to touch the top of Josh’s fingers. They feel cold.

“They knew exactly the life they wanted to give me. The sole purpose I’m playing basketball is so I could get a scholarship to college. If I turn that down, what will they think of me? Is that selfish?”

“They gave you a good life, sure, but they don’t dictate your happiness. If you don’t want to go to college, then don’t go. I already had that conversation with my parents. They think I’ll change my mind eventually and think it’s just because of all the trauma I went through, but I know that’s not true. It’s just not anything I have an interest in.” He sniffs. “Sometimes you just have to let it go. You won’t always agree with your parents, but that doesn’t mean they’ll love you any less.”

Tyler sighs. “Yeah. How have things been at home, by the way?”

“Better. Jordan and Abbie are warming up to me, and I don’t feel so... alienated in my own home. Therapy has really been helping for sure.”

“My parents want me to go back.”

Josh looks at him. “Do  _ you _ wanna go back?”

“I dunno. I’ve been so happy lately. I don’t feel like I should be going to therapy when I’m happy, you know? Like, I spent so many years going there because of what happened to you and now it feels like... like a place I don’t belong in. I feel like if I go back, all the bad memories come back too.”

“I thought that too when my parents made me go for all my trauma. The thing is, though, is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be a place full of bad memories. By talking about things, for whatever reason, it makes it better.”

“What would I talk about?”

Josh shrugs. “That’s really up to you to decide.”

“Yeah.” Tyler wets his lips and goes back to staring at the piano keys. “How is it that you can feel like your life is deteriorating when everything around you is completely fine?”

“In exactly the same way you can think everything is fine when it really isn’t.” Josh wraps an arm around Tyler’s waist and kisses his cheek. “You’re too young to be having an existential crisis, Ty.”

“I think we’re both too young for a lot of things.”

“Tough times make young people grow up fast.” Josh smiles. “Imagine what we’ll be like when we’re old.”

“Same old shit, probably.” Tyler smiles back. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Play something for me?”

“Okay.” Tyler exhales loudly, pushes his hair out of his face, and prepares his fingers. “This one... is called Drown.”

Josh stays quiet until Tyler finishes, listening to every word, every phrase, observing every note. He hugs Tyler tightly afterward.

“Do you think it’s possible to still be in a depressive episode even when you’re happy?”

“You still have depression even when it’s not around. Doesn’t change the fact that you struggle with mental illness.” Josh begins to softly rub his back. “Besides, sometimes retreating back into a familiar state makes you feel better. Makes you feel... safe.”

“Right,” agrees Tyler sadly. “I know all my songs are sad. Perhaps... perhaps that’s one of the reasons I’m so scared to share them with my parents. When I write these... things, or whatever, all my dark thoughts come out to play. You think it would make me sadder, but it doesn’t. It’s like... if I do this for a living, I’ll end up profiting off of my own depression. They’ll cheer when I’m sad and when I’m happy... it’s bad. If I write something happy, it just sounds dumb. It’s like I  _ need _ to be an emotional wreck in order to properly write music.”

“Ty, you aren’t alone in that department. Think about all the songs bands you like have written and performed. The music industry is one big depressive episode.”

That gets Tyler to laugh. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

Josh begins to sing. “The glove department is inaccurately named.”

Tyler smiles and continues on for him. “So I’m proposing a swift, orderly change.”

Hand in hand, Josh uses his other to cup Tyler’s cheek as he leans in to kiss him. Tyler lets his eyelids flutter, his breathing slow, and pushes forward a little when Josh goes to pull away.

“Don’t,” he murmurs.

So Josh doesn’t.

\---

It’s another Tuesday night when the Dun’s come over for dinner. Tyler swears he never heard about this happening, even though his mother assured him it had not only been on the calendar for weeks but that she had, in fact, informed him several times.

Either way, Tyler was fine with it. It would give him some time with Josh, allow his annoying siblings to play with Josh’s, and the parents would be distracted enough to get off their case. Also, it meant Tyler was getting a damn good meal. It wasn’t that his parents didn’t cook, but more that they went all out when they had guests over. In fact, his mother had a roast cooking in the crockpot all day and the smell was impossible to ignore.

They are punctual, he’ll give them that. At 6 pm sharp, the doorbell rings, prompting Mrs. Joseph to whisper-yell at her children to be on their best behavior before opening the door. Tyler pulls at his uncomfortable turtle neck collar and puts on a smile for the Dun family.

“So good to see you Laura, and Bill, of course. I’m so glad we could all find a time to get together.”

“Yes, it’s about time!” Laura pulls Kelly into a tight hug as Jordan and Abbie speed into the living room to play with Jay and Maddy. Ashley sits down on the sofa to play on her phone where Zack is nowhere to be found. Josh smiles as he steps inside and fiddles awkwardly with his hands. 

“Dinner will be ready soon, so keep yourself occupied for a few minutes, okay?” Tyler’s mother smiles politely at her son before leading Laura and Bill into the kitchen. His father looks at Tyler as to say “make good decisions” before he joins the other adults in the kitchen. Tyler steps closer to greet his boyfriend. 

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” Josh says back.

“Welcome to my crib. Can I fix you a sandwich or something?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Josh smirks. “Can I see your bedroom?”

“I suppose it’s only fair since I’ve seen yours.” Tyler grabs his hand only to remember they’re around family and lets go. Josh blushes, following a good five feet behind him up the stairs and down the hallway. Tyler pushes open the door and gestures widely with his whole arm.

“Mind the bunk beds. That’s where Jay and Zack sleep. I’m over here in this fabulous twin bed with the covers kicked to the end and dirty underwear all over the floor.”

“A man of many talents, I see.” Josh sits down on Tyler’s unmade bed and giggles under his breath. “Good at music and basketball and being a complete mess.”

“Yeah, well, you’re good at being kinda dumb.” Tyler moves to sit down next to him and sticks out his tongue. 

“I’m not that dumb.”

“The results are in. You’re still an idiot.”

Josh hits Tyler in the shoulder and laughs before pulling him into a kiss. It’s risky, considering the door is wide open, but neither one of them care all that much. Tyler enjoys the kiss just as much as Josh does, so maybe it’s okay.

“It’s still a good space,” Josh continues after they’ve pulled away. He rests his hand on Tyler’s knee. “And you’ve been here the whole time, which makes it cozy.”

“I don’t know if cozy is the word I’d use, but yeah. I guess it’s home. I’m just ready to move out and have my  _ own _ space. How dope would it be if me, you, and Mark could live together? The dream team.”

“I think Mark would get sick of us pretty quickly.”

Tyler chuckles. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m just ready for freedom.”

“It’s kinda funny because the opposite thing happened to me. I had my freedom and now I’m... here.” He shrugs. “It’s not terrible, though. I feel cared for, even if I feel smothered by my mom sometimes. When I was with Greg, I missed the hell out of my parents. Now that I’m back, I miss Greg.” Josh sighs. “I remember the first night we spent together. He got a really shitty motel and let me sleep on the bed while he crashed on the sofa. I kept telling him he could join me, but he refused. He wanted me to feel comfortable. That was always the number one thing he wanted for me. When I was eight, I wanted to go to the movies for my birthday, and I got so mad that he wouldn’t let me. Thinking about it now, it makes sense, but then, I was so mad. He transformed the living room into a blanket fort around the TV, got popcorn and candy and sodas, and let me stay up practically the entire night. It’s one of my fondest memories with him. When I think back to stuff like that, it makes me want to defend him, even though he kidnapped me.”

“He took care of you. Sure, you didn’t have the most conventional childhood, but you had a good one. Sometimes good people make bad decisions.”

“I don’t want him to get punished for what he did.”

“Even though he took you from your parents and lied?”

Josh bites his bottom lip and thinks about it. Tyler knows he just launched a difficult question on him and understands if he doesn’t feel like answering it.

“I still love him,” Josh decides to settle with, “even though he did what he did. Other people might not get it, but I do. That’s all that matters.”

Tyler smiles and shifts closer so he can kiss Josh’s nose. He can feel Josh blushing underneath him and loves it so damn much.

“I love you,” he whispers. Josh’s eyes widen for a second before he pulls Tyler back down for another kiss on the lips. He deepens it, letting his tongue swipe across the roof of Tyler’s mouth. Afterward, he cups Tyler’s cheeks with his hands and looks at him.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever said that to me.”

Tyler cocks an eyebrow. “And?”

“I love you.” This time, Tyler is the one to initiate the kiss. This one ends in giggles when Tyler’s mother calls for everyone to come to the dinner table. Josh stands up and reaches out for Tyler’s hand, who stops him from walking out of the room.

“Do you think we’re too young to be feeling like this?”

Josh’s eyes crinkle when he smiles this time around and the tip of his nose turns red. He pushes his curly hair off his forehead.

“Nope,” he whispers, tugging on Tyler’s arm to twirl him into a tight hug. Tyler grins smugly into Josh’s chest. “When you find the right person, you can’t help but deal with wobbly knees and butterflies in your chest.”

“Am I the right person?”

Josh scoffs as he snakes his hand around to squeeze Tyler’s ass. Tyler squeals in reply, pulling out of his arms to retreat deeper into the bedroom. Josh laughs loudly.

“Ask me that again tomorrow and we’ll see.”

“You’ve become rather cocky since you asked me to be your boyfriend. I feel like I need to knock you down a few pegs.”

“Yeah? And what are you gonna do, put your dick in my ass?” Josh presses his lips together, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he pushes Tyler up against the wall and gently grabs hold of his hips. He moves his lips so they barely brush against Tyler’s ear and whispers, “joke’s on you. I would love that.”

“We should go downstairs.” Tyler’s legs feel like jelly. He’s not quite sure how he’s standing up right now.

“Probably,” replies Josh, who lets his stupid lips kiss the top of Tyler’s ear, the length of his cheekbone, and his nose before returning to his mouth. Tyler kisses him like it’s the last time he’ll get to, biting his bottom lip every time he tries to pull away.

Unfortunately, this time, it is Tyler’s father who finds them with the door open, sent on a mission from his wife to get the boys down for dinner. His face red and eyes the size of saucers, he clears his throat, causing both boys to leap ten feet away from each other.

“D-Dinner,” he coughs out, turning on his heel to flee from the awkward scene. Josh and Tyler share a look.

“Fuck,” Josh mumbles. Tyler stands up straight, blows his hair out of his face, and takes a deep breath.

“It’ll be okay,” he promises, leading the way to the dinner table.

\---

They sit on opposite ends of the table. Tyler’s father refuses to make eye contact with his son or Josh, who is so hyper-focused on stirring his pot roast into his mashed potatoes instead of paying attention to the conversation.

“Josh has been doing very well in school. Haven’t you, hun?”

He doesn’t notice until everyone at the dinner table is staring at him and his mother has to call his name again. Josh lets his fork clatter against his plate and looks up.

“Sorry, what?”

“I was just telling Kelly and Chris how good you’ve been doing in school.”

“Oh.” He nods. “Right. Sorry. Yeah, it’s been great.”

“Any girls you’ve been talking to, Tyler?” Mrs. Dun asks, smiling behind her water cup. Tyler’s cheeks turn pink.

“Uh, no ma’am.”

“Who’s that one girl you’re always with?”

“Jenna?” Tyler’s mother answers for him, hopefully stepping in to save the day. Tyler hasn’t felt this nervous since the first time he had to hang out with Josh on his own. “They’re best friends. Right, Tyler?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“I’ve seen her with Josh too. You should ask her on a date! She’s so cute.”

Josh about chokes on his food and reaches for a napkin to cough into. Tyler can see how uncomfortable his father is, right along with both of them.

“She’s not really my type,” he answers after he’s taken a sip of water. Josh’s face is about as red, if not redder, than Tyler’s.

“It’s good to get some practice in regardless of that. You’ve gotta get your mind off of Debby, sweetheart.”

Josh laughs uncomfortably and nervously at the same time. “I’m over her, okay? Can we maybe not talk about my dating life?”

“You guys are young. You’ll find plenty of people to date down the line,” Tyler’s mother adds, trying to steer the conversation to an end. Josh returns to aggressively scooping mashed potatoes over his pot roast.

“Our kids don’t communicate like we used to. They’re too concerned with those phones of theirs.”

“Technology is growing,” Mr. Dun counters without looking up from his plate. “They have a lot more to handle than we used to.”

“I just wish you’d talk to me, baby,” Josh’s mother is speaking to the whole table, despite her conversation being only directed at Josh. “You’re always with Tyler. Just to spend time with you, we had to come over here.”

Josh slams his fork down and scoots out of his chair, causing the legs to scream as they rip across the hardwood. It even gets the kids in the living room to stop talking and look over.

“Can you stop?” He yells, clutching his hands to the side of his head. “We’re with friends and you can’t even stop nagging me for one fucking second! Do you know why I’m always with Tyler? Because I’m in  _ love _ with him! I’m GAY! He’s my fucking  _ boyfriend. _ There are no girls. He doesn’t sit there and force me to share my entire fucked up childhood with him. I thought you guys were dead, okay? And Greg was a helluva better parent than either one of you.” With that, Josh stomps out of the dining room and slams the front door, leaving the rest of the party to sit in awkwardness from Josh’s outburst.

Josh had not only just come out to his parents, but kinda did it for Tyler too. Even though they already knew, it felt nice that he didn’t have to say those words himself.

Mrs. Dun begins to sob, prompting both her husband and Tyler’s mother to comfort her. Tyler excuses himself from the table and rushes upstairs to avoid whatever was about to happen next. He sits down on the edge of his bed and pushes his fingers into his eyes. Jesus. What was he supposed to say now? Should he apologize on Josh’s behalf? Was that something he should even do?

After a gentle knock, Tyler’s father pushes into his bedroom. Tyler takes one look at him before burying his head into his hands. The mattress dips as his dad sits down next to him.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he starts off, his voice quiet. “Just... listen, okay?”

Tyler pulls his hands away from his face, sighs, and nods his head. His dad continues.

“What happened to Josh was traumatic. I think we can all agree with that. But you, Tyler, you made things easier for him. If that had happened to you, I would want someone like him taking care of you. The fact of the matter is that both of you are very important to each other and it’s important to me to know that you are happy. I know Josh makes you happy.”

“He does,” Tyler mumbles.

“And I know you make Josh happy. For him to admit that... that had to have been a lot for him, right?” Tyler nods in confirmation, causing his father to sigh and run a hand through his hair. “The grieving process is different for everyone. Laura is having a hard time adapting to having Josh back in the home, just like he’s getting used to all of them. Your mother will probably be spending a lot of time comforting her, so I want you to take the keys to my car and take Josh somewhere.”

Tyler blinks. “Really?”

“Yeah. Go where you know he’ll be happy.” He strokes his chin and scoots closer to pull his son into a hug. Almost like a switch got flipped, Tyler bursts into tears and hugs his dad tightly back. “I love you, Tyler. A whole fucking lot. Don’t tell your mom I cursed.”

He laughs and sniffs. “I love you too, Dad. And it doesn’t bother you that I’m gay?” It’s the first time Tyler has worked up the courage to say that word in front of his parents. Well, half of his parents. It feels good.

“It’ll take some time for me to understand, but I will. You’re my son. You mean the world to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He ruffles Tyler’s hair and pats his knee. “Go now while everyone else is distracted. I’ll hold the fort down.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Tyler stands up and pauses to give his father one last hug before taking the stairs two at a time to sneak into the garage. He can still hear Mrs. Dun crying into his mother’s shoulder as he climbs into his father’s BMW, the key clutched tightly in his right fist.

“I’m coming, J,” Tyler whispers as the engine roars to life.


	9. Remembrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna go ahead and add this now because I'll be away interviewing a band called Ceramic Animal tonight for my radio station! See you guys on Tuesday for the last chapter :-)

Tyler finds Josh outside his childhood home, sitting on the front porch with his knees pulled to his chest. He looks up when Tyler hops out of the car.

“Hey,” he says, his voice shaky. Tyler can tell he’s been crying.

“Hey,” Tyler says back as he kneels down in front of him. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

Josh scoffs and leans down to scoop some snow into his hand. He forms it into a ball and throws it into the yard. “I hate that they moved away.”

“I hated it too. It meant you were really gone.”

Josh sniffs, wipes his nose with his sleeve, and stands up. Tyler takes his hand and squeezes it. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere you’ll feel safe. C’mon.” Tyler gestures toward the vehicle with his chin and leads Josh down the driveway. He stops right before getting into the car.

“I was supposed to go to your birthday party that day.” His eyes begin watering again. “You told me all about that t-rex cake. I was so excited to see you.”

Tyler smiles as he reaches out to pull Josh into a tight hug. He gently rubs small circles into his tense shoulders. “You did, though. You came back home.”

“Thirteen years too late,” Josh sniff again, chuckling as he separates himself from Tyler’s arms. “Take me away?”

“Gladly.”

\---

He takes Josh to Jim’s.

Jim doesn’t need to ask questions. He lets the boys go into Tyler’s usual practice room and sit down at the piano pressed knee to knee, thigh to thigh.

“I’m sorry,” Josh speaks first as he runs his fingers over the black keys of the piano. “I didn’t mean to freak out and out you. I got so... so fucking _angry_ about everything. My parents and Greg and Ohio and fucking... fucking everything.”

“It’s okay,” promises Tyler as he takes Josh’s hand and rubs his thumb along the back of Josh’s hand. “Seriously. You’re hurting. I understand.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have outed you.”

“Honestly, dude, it’s okay. My parents already kind of knew about it. It’ll make it a lot easier to talk to them about this whole gay thing.”

“I was surprised I had that in me. Honestly, feeling the words ‘my boyfriend’ roll off my tongue felt fucking amazing. And telling them I was gay. It really feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

“It does feel good, doesn’t it?” Tyler sticks his tongue out. “I thought it would be terrifying to have my parents know, but it doesn’t.”

“Oh yeah. I should probably apologize to them about that last comment I made. They aren’t bad parents. I know they’ve been trying their hardest. I know this has been just as hard for them as it has for me.”

“That doesn’t take away from your pain, though. Sure, they have valid feelings, but so are yours.”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right. This whole thing is just so... so shitty. I wish everything could be normal again.”

“Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen, love.” Tyler reaches over to hold Josh’s hand, who happily accepts. He leans his head against Tyler’s shoulder. “We can wish a lot of things, but it doesn’t mean it’ll happen.”

“I know,” he says sadly. “Life sucks.”

“Hell yeah, it does.” Tyler runs his fingers through Josh’s hair. “You’re doing a good job pushing through it.”

“Sometimes I think you do me more good than my own therapist.”

Tyler chuckles. “That’s what I’m here for.”

“Play for me?” Josh asks.

“I’d love too.” Tyler situates himself, spreading his long, limber fingers over the piano keys to prepare for the song. Josh watches closely, his hands in his lap and his body still. He sits like a marble statue.

Tyler plays something that doesn’t have a name nor any lyrics. He’s been working on it for a long time, repeating the melody over and over and over again until his mind succumbed to insanity. Fortunately for him, Josh is easily entertained and in awe during the duration of his performance.

“I love you,” Josh tells him when the song is over.

Tyler kisses his cheek. “I love you too.”

\---

He drops Josh off late that night. The clock says it’s nearing midnight when Tyler pulls into the Dun’s driveway, right behind their SUV. At least they made it back without freaking out about where their son went. Tyler hoped it had been his father who had been able to calm Laura down.

“Thanks for making me feel better,” Josh whispers. He can barely be heard over the roar of the heater. “Sorry to make the whole family dinner thing awkward.”

“Honestly, it would have been awkward regardless. At least now neither of our parents will be asking about the girls we’ve been talking to.” That gets Josh to laugh a little, which makes Tyler’s heart swell. It always sucked knowing how much Josh was struggling and how little Tyler could truly do for him. Sure, he could listen and offer advice, but besides that, Tyler was virtually useless. He couldn’t give Josh back the thirteen years of his life that were lost. He couldn’t make Josh’s relationship with his parents perfect or get Greg to do the right thing.

“They’re gonna be so pissed at me.”

“Maybe, but at least you guys get all of this out on the table. I think all of you having been letting it simmer for a while and I dunno how good that is for any of you or your sanity.”

Josh shrugs lamely. “Yeah, maybe.” A sigh. He reaches out to open the passenger side door. “See you later?”

“I’m just a phone call away if you need me.” After a sympathetic smile, Tyler leans over to kiss him. Josh is slow to pull away from that one. The end of the kiss means he had to return to reality.

“Bye.”

“Bye,” Tyler says back as he watches Josh clamber to the front porch and knock. After a few seconds of hopping from one foot to the other to stay warm, the door opens, and Mrs. Dun attacks her son in a bear hug. Josh is whisked away back inside his home.

He drives home under the speed limit, wanting to prolong his own trip inside his house. Tyler knows his parents won’t be as emotional as Josh’s, but having another “talk” with them will be awkward and painful to deal with. He doesn’t know if he can handle the drain tonight.

His parents can hear the garage door opening as he parks his dad’s car inside and locks it up for the night. He hangs the keys on the hook, closes the garage, locks the back door, and shuffles into the kitchen, where, sure enough, his mother is sitting, typing away on her laptop answering emails. She doesn’t look up as he walks to the dining table and taps his nails on top of a chair.

“Mrs. Dun okay?” He asks, trying to be polite.

“She’s fine,” his mother doesn’t look away from her computer, “just a little shaken up. I think she thought things were fine with Josh.”

“Yeah, well.” Tyler pulls out the chair and slumps down in it, letting his eyes roll up to the ceiling. “Y’know how that goes.”

“I do.” She shuts her laptop, taps her nails on the table, and folds her arms. “I appreciate you helping to ease the situation. She was more willing to go home without Josh knowing you were taking care of him.”

“Of course. It just sucks that I couldn’t do more.”

She sighs. “Tyler, look.” He looks at his mother who seems to be struggling to find the words to complete her thought. That was unusual. Tyler swore his mother always knew what to say and when to say it. “You’ve been right this entire time. Josh is still wary. His parents are nervous. This situation isn’t normal and they’re taking it as it comes. It’s uncomfortable for all parties involved. Laura and Bill were so focused on returning to life as it had been when Josh was around instead of adjusting to how he used to live and how they used to live. She admitted that, finally, even though you told us that from the start. You kids are a lot smarter than us adults think.”

“I’m aware of that,” Tyler says, only slightly sarcastic. He has a hint of a smile on his lips, which makes the corners of his mother’s lips turn up too. She huffs in amusement before returning to a blank slate.

“When Josh said you and him were dating, is that true?”

“Yeah.” He feels the weight come off his shoulders. “I know you guys kinda figured, but... yeah.”

“I think this would have been a lot different if he didn’t have someone like you to take care of him.”

“He’s taken care of me too,” Tyler points out. “We were still thinking of each other, even after all this time.”

She nods. “I understand that. I always thought I would be upset and frustrated to find out one of my kids was gay, but... I don’t feel angry. I don’t feel anything.”

“Did you ever assume?”

“In the back of my head, perhaps, but I never thought... it was possible. It’s never the first thing a parent thinks about. You hear about other parents having a gay son or daughter, but never your own. You never think it’ll be your own.”

Tyler gets that. He remembers hearing a rumor at church that this kid named Jackson was gay. He even remembers hearing his mom gossiping about it with some of the other moms. They didn’t say anything bad, but more expressed sympathy for Jackson’s parents. To this day, Tyler isn’t sure whether that kid had even been gay to start with.

“But now that you know...” Tyler leans forward on his elbow, hoping tonight is not the night he gets kicked out of the house, “how do you feel?”

“Content.” She smiles. “I spoke with your father. We don’t want anything to change just because you express love differently than the rest of us. And your love is what has kept the Duns afloat. Josh’s love for you has kept us afloat. For that, I am thankful.” A pause. “It’ll take some time for either of us to understand how you feel or what you went through, but we’ll try out hardest. We love you a lot, Tyler. No matter what you do, we’ll support you. Even if it’s something we might not agree with.”

He thinks about music. “What if I didn’t go to college?”

After a sigh and a frown, she says, “Tyler, honey, not tonight, okay? You’ve got school in the morning.”

“You’re my teacher. Don’t you get to decide when I start school?”

She sighs again and pinches the bridge of her nose. “You have to go to college, Tyler.”

“You just said--”

“I know what I said,” she snaps, pushing out from the table to slide her computer under her arm. “That’s not something I’m going to argue with you about.”

“But--”

“End of discussion.” She shoots him a look that says “piss me off and see what happens,” so Tyler clamps his mouth shut. He buries his head in his arms and forces himself to take a deep breath.

 _She’s just frustrated with what happened tonight,_ he tells himself. _You can bring it up later. She’ll find out sooner or later, right?_

Right?

Tyler shoves his thumbnail in his mouth and has ripped it off by the time he gets up to his bedroom. It tears too close to his skin and burns like hell, but he ignores it. He also ignores brushing his teeth or changing into pajamas, just strips off his jeans and crawls under the covers.

\---

Josh gets grounded.

Okay, not actually grounded, but he’s under house arrest. His parents won’t let him leave for anything besides school and therapy. He’s still been texting Tyler, telling him that his parents are convinced Greg is back in Ohio and looking for him, which is one of the main reasons Josh hasn’t been allowed to leave the safety of his home.

He does tell Tyler that he spoke with his parents about his outburst and everything was gonna be okay. They were letting him work out through his sexuality with his therapist and himself before he really got into it with his parents.

“They said they’d be supportive,” Josh whispered to him one night, despite the fact that both him and Tyler were in private places to have their call. “They said they were thankful I had you. I just think... I think they need time to come to terms with it.”

“That’s how mine were. Do you think they just wanna ignore it?”

“Don’t know. Maybe. That could be why I’m supposed to work on it with my therapist before coming to them about anything serious so... maybe.”

That’s where that conversation ended. Tyler has a basketball game and Josh isn’t allowed to come, so it’s only Jenna and Mark who are there to support him. (And his family, but they don’t count.)

His team wins that night, but Tyler can’t be bothered to go out to celebrate. He drags his feet over to Mark and Jenna who are waiting eagerly for him.

“I think I’m just gonna go home with my fam tonight,” he tells them, pointing a thumb toward the other side of the gym. “I’m not feeling great.”

Jen frowns. “Ty, you won. It’s tradition.”

“Yeah, but--”

“Nu-uh. I can see right through you, Joseph.” Mark grabs Tyler’s shoulder tightly, ignoring the glare Tyler gives him. “You’re all sad and mopey because of what happened with Josh.”

“And?” He replies angrily. He was beginning to be irritated that Mark seemed to constantly be dismissing his feelings.

“We haven’t hung out just the three of us in such a long time,” whines Jenna.

“Yeah, ‘cause Josh is back now. What, are you guys saying you don’t like him around?”

“No one said that,” Mark raises his hands and speaks calmly, knowing perfectly well that when Tyler got upset, every little thing could put him in an even worse mood. “You’ve just been spending a lot of time with him lately. We miss you.”

Tyler tries to swallow his tongue.

“I feel like I don’t know you anymore, Ty. We haven’t heard anything new from you in God knows how long--”

“Did you just come here to interrogate me? Because I really don’t appreciate that.”

“You don’t appreciate anything anymore, dude.” Mark is done playing nice. “You only come to us if Josh is with you. You only come to us when you want to sit and complain. Your new friend came back and we got left behind.”

“That’s not true at all!” He tries to argue, but Mark and Jenna aren’t having it. They turn away and start walking toward the exit. Tyler doesn’t bother going after them.

Were they right? Had he abandoned them because of Josh? He didn’t think it was quite fair that they were getting mad about that. He hadn’t seen Josh in thirteen years. He had known them and seen them almost every day for God knows how long. Just because in the last few weeks he hadn’t seen them it meant he didn’t want to hang out with them anymore? It was one fucking ice cream date he was missing. They didn’t even win, anyway.

His parents don’t ask questions when he climbs into the back seat nestled between Jay and Maddy. They can see the frustration tears burning in his eyes.

No questions need to be asked.

\---

Two days later, Josh is allowed out of the house. He doesn’t tell Tyler what’s going on, but rather makes it known that it’s urgent. They meet at Qdoba this time, to once again eat burritos the size of their forearms.

Josh seems distracted though. He’s quiet the entire time they order and barely eats his food, more occupied with poking at it with his fork.

“What’s going on?” Tyler finally drops the question on him. Josh slumps down in his chair.

“They found him,” he refuses to make eye contact and continues to play with his food. Tyler straightens his shoulders.

“Greg?”

“Yeah. Down in El Paso. He was about to cross the border into Mexico.”

“Holy shit. So what now?”

Josh shrugs. “Texas police are transferring him into the custody of Ohio reinforcements. Then he gets a lawyer, there’s a trial, and he probably goes to prison.”

Tyler is quiet for a few seconds as he collects his thoughts and tries to turn them into a coherent sentence. “Are you going to the trial?”

“I’ll probably be asked to go so I can bear witness. I just...” he sighs. “I don’t want to go.”

“Not even to say goodbye?”

He bites his lip. “I dunno if I can say goodbye. I dunno if it... if it feels right.”

“It might come down to you on how much time he gets. If you tell the jury how he treated you, it might earn him their sympathy.”

“Does he deserve it, though?” Josh finally looks up at him with those big, puppy dog eyes of his. “He took me away without permission. He’ll be indicted on kidnapping charges.”

“For life?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you think he deserves that?”

A pause. Josh’s entire body shakes as he mashes his fingers together. “No.”

“Then I think that maybe... you should be there.” Tyler tries to stay soft. “You can share your side of the story.”

“I’m so scared,” he whispers, his eyes filling with tears. “He’s going to be mad at me for telling the police. I never meant to get him in trouble. I just wanted to see my family again.”

“J, he’s not going to mad at you. What he did was wrong. None of this is your fault.” Tyler reaches across the table to take his hand. “You can say your goodbyes and say whatever you need to say.”

“I want him to know I love him. That I always will. That I’m not... mad.” Josh sniffs and uses his arm to wipe his nose on his hoodie sleeve. “I was, at first, when I found out, but I forgive him now. I don’t want him to...” Josh’s words collapse into a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what I want.”

“Maybe you don’t need to know right now. Hell, maybe you’ll never know. Doesn’t make you wrong.”

“Yeah?” Josh forces a smile. Tyler nods.

“Yeah.”

\---

The day Josh goes to Greg’s trial is the first day of spring break. Jenna’s been hard at work planning her party, which has been all the rage at school, according to Josh. Tyler hasn’t received his invite, which makes sense. Mark and Jen are still pretty pissed at him.

While Josh goes to court, Tyler goes to talk to his best friends. He figures he’ll catch them at the mall where Jenna works and Mark hangs out when he doesn’t have anything else to do. Sure enough, when he walks into the half-empty food court, Jenna is there in her Shoe Carnival uniform and Mark sits across from her, a plate of cheese fries resting in between them. When Mark sees him making his way over, he turns his entire body away from Tyler.

“Guys, c’mon. I’m here to apologize. Why else would I come to the one place I know you always hang out at?”

“You’re lucky I’m on my break,” Jenna mutters as she gestures to the empty chair at the table. When Tyler sits down, she adds, “you have thirty seconds.”

“What she said,” Mark says when Tyler looks at him for a counterargument. He sighs.

“Okay. You guys were completely right. I’ve been a dick and a terrible friend and I’m really sorry. You’re right. I did give Josh way more attention and that’s not fair to you because you’ve been there for me when I really needed you most. Seriously, all this Josh shit would have been a lot harder if it hadn’t been for you guys. I got caught up in restoring a relationship without realizing I was destroying two others in the process. I promise I can work on being more attentive.” Silence. Jenna and Mark look at him and at each other, deciding on whether or not to accept his apology.

“Can you forgive me?”

Jenna tilts her head. “Will you play piano for us?”

“Where?”

“Piano store upstairs. I got ten minutes of my break left. That’s the only way we’ll forgive you.”

Tyler shrugs. “Shit, I guess I gotta, huh?”

“That’s right, you bastard,” Mark smirks as he stands up to toss their cold fries away. “You may be a handful, but we’re always gonna love you. You know that, right?”

Tyler chuckles. “Yeah. I know.”

“C’mon, mister. I ain’t got all day.” Jenna slaps Tyler’s ass, causing him to yelp and jump forward. His cheeks red, he leads the way up the escalator.

Despite it being spring break, the mall is practically empty. The employees inside the piano store welcome them in with open arms and tell them to enjoy themselves. Tyler takes that quite literally, picking what is probably the most expensive piano of them all to sit down and tap away at the keys. He knows he’ll never be able to afford it, so that’s exactly why he sits down.

“If you’re expecting me to play something you actually know, guess again. I’m too much of a hipster to do that.”

“Fuck off, you probably know Damien Rice’s ‘Nine Crimes’ on piano.”

Tyler presses his lips into a flat line and blinks. “No comment.”

“Just play something you wrote,” Jenna changes the subject, urging him to go on and swatting Mark’s arm away at the same time. Tyler cracks his knuckles, blows the hair out of his face, and plays one of his own songs. Mark and Jenna stay quiet the whole time, giving him their full attention.

When he finishes and tucks his hands in his lap, Jenna and Mark both smile. Jen has tears in her eyes that she hides behind her arm.

“I’ll see you at the party on Friday,” she murmurs, kissing his cheek before darting out of the store. Tyler frowns as he stands up to go after her.

“Don’t,” Mark stops him by tugging on her arm. “She’s been waiting a long time for you to do that.”

“But why was she crying?”

Mark smiles softly. “I don’t think she thought you’d be around to play like... like that. Neither one of us knew you had _that_ in you.”

“What does that mean?” Tyler shrugs out of Mark’s grip and looks longingly toward the exit.

“It means you’re gonna go somewhere, Tyler.” Mark gives him a salute. “See you on Friday.”

And with that, he walks out the door, leaving Tyler to ponder Mark’s words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some may say... a star is born


	10. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for joining me on this journey and making me feel loved and appreciated. I really appreciate all the support this work earned. I have three works in progress right now so hopefully, I'll be able to see you soon. :-)

Greg pleads guilty to all his kidnapping charges and lands fifteen years in Ohio state prison. His conviction is broadcasted on the news, posted in the papers, and spams the entirety of the internet. Josh’s picture even shows up in a few articles too. He stays hidden during spring break, only leaving the house to go to Tyler’s. They don’t go out in public, and soon, Tyler swears he can hear the camera clicks outside his home too.

Josh is struggling. Things have been better between him and his parents, but all this hype around Greg has made him nearly inaudible.

One day they sit in Tyler’s basement, their legs folded over each other as a movie plays quietly on television. Neither one of them is paying attention, though. Tyler scrolls through his phone and tries to ignore all the stupid Buzzfeed articles about Josh’s disappearance.

“Can I...” Josh stops, backpedals, and clears his throat. “I need to talk about Greg.”

“Yeah, of course.” Tyler sets his phone down and reaches for the remote to mute the television. “What’s up?”

Josh hadn’t told Tyler anything about the trial. Even though the outcome was all over the internet, Tyler didn’t know the details. “I said my goodbyes.”

“Yeah?” Tyler rests his hand on Josh’s knee and begins rubbing it gently with his thumb. “How’d that go?”

“I couldn’t stop crying, man. He was crying too. He said he was sorry for what he did, but he didn’t regret all those years we spent together. I told him I didn’t regret it either.” Josh looks at Tyler’s hand on his knee and sighs. “My parents weren’t around to hear that part, but I feel like... somehow, they’ll find out and be really upset about it.”

“They can’t change how you feel, Josh.”

“I know that.” He shifts, pulling his butt out of the indent in the couch cushions. “I told him I still loved him, and I forgave him for what happened.”

“That’s really mature of you.”

Josh smiles. “Maybe. I just... I can’t believe it’s all over. Thirteen years, four months of being back in Ohio... and it’s over. Now what?”

“You live life.”

“I guess I do.” His shoulders slump. “When do you think all the cameras will leave?”

“After your Netflix documentary,” Tyler jokes. Josh kicks him.

“I don’t think I want to do that.”

“No?”

“No. I think I wanna keep my life private, so I get you all to myself.” His smile grows bigger as he reaches a hand over to tug on Tyler’s shirt sleeve. With a scoff, Tyler leans closer so they can kiss.

Josh is soft. His hands roam around Tyler’s waist, squeezing his hips with his fingertips. Tyler sinks a hand into the hair at the nape of Josh’s neck and tugs lightly. His hair was starting to get a little out of control.

Tyler pulls away and rests his forehead against Josh’s, letting their noses bump just once. Josh huffs.

“What?” Tyler asks.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just... I can be normal now. I don’t need to worry about the outside world.”

“Nah, because they all suck.”

“Exactly. We’ll graduate high school, become actual adults, and...” Josh trails off, leaving their future ambiguous, just like Tyler wants it to be. He finds a smile back on his face.

“Start a band,” he suggests.

“I’ll have to get a drumset.”

“Better get a job then, handsome.”

Josh adjusts so he can kiss the tip of Tyler’s nose. “Are you gonna get one too?”

“Anything for you.” Tyler pulls back so he can look at Josh’s face in its entirety. He touches Josh’s nose ring with his pointer finger before running it over the length of his bottom lip. “You’re so beautiful.”

His cheeks flush. “Shut up, dude.”

“I’m for real. When I saw you in that record store back in December, I wanted to kiss you so badly. Who would have thought I’d get to do that just one month later?”

Josh shrugs. “Who would have thought you’d turn me gay?”

Tyler raises an eyebrow. “Did I turn you gay, though?”

Josh shrugs. “Probably not, but maybe so. Can’t be so sure.”

“Cool,” he replies, leaning back in to kiss his boyfriend one last time.

\---

Spring break doesn’t last long enough. Even though Tyler and Josh spent almost all their time together, it wasn’t enough. The end of the week does bring one good thing though: Jenna’s party. Excited for one last extravaganza before returning to school, Josh and Tyler get there early to help Mark and Jen decorate. When they arrive, Mark is out picking up the alcohol while Jenna is setting out the snacks.

“What’d you tell your parents?” Is the first thing she asks without even looking up from her fan of Ritz crackers surrounding a ball of cheese. Josh slides onto a barstool and leans onto the counter island.

“We were spending the night at Mark’s.”

Jenna raises an eyebrow and looks over at Josh. “Your mom let you stay at Mark’s?”

“Hell no. I told her I was staying with Tyler.”

“And she let you do that?” Tyler exclaims.

“I told her your mom made us sleep in different rooms.” He grins.

“You sly dog.”

“Tyler, can you get the cups from the pantry?” Jenna interrupts their conversation as she finishes perfecting her cracker circle and dusts the crumbs off her hands. Tyler nods and opens the pantry door to fetch the solo cups for her.

“Will you have a designated room for sex tonight?” He questions, looking over between Jenna and Josh with a smirk on his face. Jenna rolls her eyes while Josh’s face turns red.

“Tyler, you are not allowed to bang Josh in any of the rooms in my house.”

“Woah,” Josh pipes up, “who says I can’t bang him?”

“Me. You’re too soft.” Jen pats him on the head as she passes to pull two twelve packs of soda out of the fridge and hoist them onto the island. “You can argue with me, but I would top you both.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Tyler calls out as he swings the plastic bag of cups at her. Jenna squeals and rips them out of his hands.

“You know I’m right,” she winks at him, “you’re both bottoms. Tyler is just a little less of a bottom.”

“I can admit my faults, but this is not one of them.”

“Who said it was a fault?” Jenna whips back around to face her blushing friends. “Nothing wrong with being a bottom. Just letting you know, if you wanna add a little action to your sex lives.”

“You aren’t pegging Josh.”

“Stop putting words in my mouth, Joseph.”

Josh looks like he’s dying of embarrassment. “Do I get a say in this?”

“No,” says Tyler and Jenna at the same time. She points at Tyler.

“Watch the front door while I lock the doors upstairs please.”

“You’ll leave your room unlocked?”

“If you wash my sheets tonight, I guess you can fuck in there. Trust me, though. I’ll know if you don’t.” With one last wink, she disappears up the stairs, leaving Tyler and Josh alone. They share a look as Tyler steals a piece of celery from the vegetable tray.

“Sorry about all of that. You know we’re kidding, right?”

Josh chuckles. “Yeah, it’s all good. Is she gonna actually leave her room open for us?”

Tyler licks his lips. “Joshua, are you wanting to fool around tonight?”

He shrugs nonchalantly, which, for whatever reason, turns Tyler on. “I wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

“We’ll just have to get some alcohol inside of us first.” Tyler shoots Josh another look, hoping it says “I can’t wait to have sex with you tonight” instead of looking plain stupid. Unfortunately for him, it looks dumb.

Fortunately for both of them, Mark chooses that moment to come inside, holding two packs of beer with one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. He gestures toward his car where the trunk is open.

“Help me out here?” He asks, less as a question and more as a demand. The awkward tension in the room fizzles out as both boys head out to help Mark bring in the alcohol.

\---

Two hours later, the party is in full swing. Tipsy teenagers stumble over one another in the living room where the furniture has been pushed out of the way for a makeshift dance floor and there’s a game of beer pong going on in the kitchen. Josh and Tyler sit on the stairs, Tyler’s hand around Josh’s waist as Josh answers questions for a group of wide-eyed juniors wanting to know what it was like being kidnapped. Alcohol seemed to make him much more confident, which was funny, considering the amount he had consumed thus far wasn’t actually that much.

“So you just walked to the police station and told them?” Asks a kid with ginger hair and a million freckles. Josh nods.

“Yep,” he adds extra emphasis to the p for dramatic effect, “they pulled my file up in the system and knew exactly who I was. It was a nationwide case, after all.”

“Holy shit. You’re like a real-life cold case,” exclaims a blonde chick.

“Except it was solved,” the ginger kid responds rudely. “So not really.”

She ignores him. “I saw the guy got fifteen years. Were you at the trial?”

Josh nods. “Yeah. It wasn’t that exciting, just a bunch of people giving witness testimonies and lawyers talking about what he did wrong.”

“Wow. That’s like, soooo cool.” She bats her eyelashes. “And you’re totally attractive, too.”

She must not notice the fact that Tyler’s hand is definitely caressing Josh’s butt right now. Confident Josh clears the confusion away by taking Tyler’s chin in his hand and tilting it up so he can kiss him. The small crowd breaks out in hoots and whistles, except for the girl who seems horrified.

“Sorry,” Josh replies, staring into Tyler’s eyes, “I’m taken.”

It’s the first time he’s admitted to the public that he wasn’t straight. Being able to hold hands and kiss him with people around feels just as amazing as you think it would be. Not only was Josh about to do it without fear, (it could have been the alcohol, but Tyler didn’t think it was  _ just _ the alcohol,) but Tyler could too. He thinks back to their conversation about finding the right person and how everything that seemed scary wouldn’t with them.

Tyler was right. Josh was his right person.

“Dude, everyone is gonna know you’re gay now,” says the ginger kid. Tyler feels like kicking him. Fortunately, Josh does it for him, through words, of course.

“Do I look like someone who gives a fuck?” Josh’s sentence ends in a growl that kind of gets Tyler hot and bothered. He tugs on his boyfriend’s arm to pull him off the bottom step of Jenna’s staircase.

“C’mon,” he demands, pulling Josh upstairs. The group around them disperses, leaving the redhead to mutter to himself and stomp away. True to her word, Jenna’s door is unlocked, allowing Tyler to stumble inside and practically throw Josh down onto her bed. He locks the door, turns on her bedside lamp to get some form of mood lighting, and plops down right on top of Josh.

Josh giggles. “Oh my God, dude. I think I’m drunk.”

“You should not be drunk, considering how little you’ve drank,” Tyler laughs along with him as he shifts and moves his body so it rests right on top of Josh’s crotch. Josh closes his eyes and hums.

“I don’t drink that often,” he mumbles, smacking his lips. Tyler begins to pepper his face in kisses, causing him to laugh again. “Tyler, that tickles.”

“Good.” Tyler shimmies his body down Josh’s legs so he has more canvas to do whatever he wants with. Josh melts into the mattress, letting Tyler’s lips kiss his nose, his neck, and his clavicle. “Can I take your shirt off?”

“Mmhmm,” Josh lifts his arms up, letting Tyler do all of the work to get it off his body. There are goosebumps all over his arms and his nipples stick out from the cold draft in the room. Josh shivers. “Make me warm,” he demands.

“Are you falling asleep?” Tyler teases, pressing his warm hands to Josh’s stomach. Josh shivers again.

“Nah, I’m just horny.”

“Does alcohol make you horny?”

“Tyler,  _ you _ make me horny.” He cracks an eyelid open and smirks. “You just gonna sit there and gape at me?”

“All this confidence is disturbing,” Tyler blurts out. Josh only laughs.

“C’mon,” he pats his chest and hooks a finger in his general direction, “come here and kiss me.”

“Only ‘cause you asked so nicely.” With a sly grin, Tyler resituates himself in Josh’s lap and bends down so his lips barely brush against Josh’s. Josh groans obnoxiously.

“Tylerrrrr,” he whines. Tyler decides that he could continue to be a dick, but he’s actually pretty horny too and isn’t sure how long he’ll be able last.

So, he shuts Josh up with a kiss, starting dry before deepening it. Josh’s tongue brushes Tyler’s philtrum almost every time he pulls away for a breath before jumping back in. They kiss desperately, like the world around them is ending outside their door instead of a roaring high school party. Perhaps it feels like their last because the unknown is coming up. Josh was free from his past and Tyler was about to battle for his own. What would become of them as they grew older, as the youth left their shells and required them to be actual adults?

His whole life, Tyler thought Josh was gone. His return brought so much happiness to Tyler’s life, that the idea of living without him and his warmth seemed impossible. Maybe it was okay to not think about the future. If he lived in the now, Josh would be with him still.

And besides: what was meant for him would not pass him by.

Josh’s lips slip away from Tyler’s mouth and begins to suck on his neck. After a soft exhale, Tyler tilts his head, lets his eyelids flutter, and lets Josh work without any interruptions. His arms are beginning to ache from holding himself up above Josh’s body, but he lets them numb for the exchange of pleasure. Josh’s lips and tongue feel better than anything else in the whole wide world.

Eventually, though, Josh taps Tyler’s side and nudges him off so he can take his pants off. Through hooded eyes, Tyler strips his shirt off and watches as Josh unzips his jeans.

“Are you gonna take them off of me?” He asks. Josh quirks up an eyebrow with as much filth as he can muster.

“You want me to?” Tyler nods for confirmation, lifting his hips off the bed high enough so Josh can get a good enough grip on the waistband of his jeans. Once they are discarded with the rest of their clothes, they return to their kiss. This time, Josh straddles Tyler and pins his wrists down on the bed while his lips mark the tip of Tyler’s chin to the space under his nose.

“I want you,” Josh whispers against Tyler’s cheekbones, “inside me.”

All of Tyler’s blood rushes to his dick. He croaks out, “yeah?” before pulling out of Josh’s grip to wrap a hand around the back of his neck and slam his mouth back against his.

“Yeah,” replies Josh, albeit muffled. Tyler shoves him off and hoists himself onto his knees.

“Let’s get you naked, then.” Tyler hooks his pointer fingers from both hands underneath the waistband of Josh’s briefs and tugs gently, looking up at him just to make sure Josh was still comfortable. He isn’t fighting or saying anything, only biting his lip and breathing heavily, so Tyler continues. Josh’s cock is so hard it flops upward and hits his stomach the second it’s freed from its cloth prison.

“Fuck, dude.” Tyler takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. Somehow, Josh’s dick looks bigger and thicker than it did the first time they did this. “You’re huge.”

Josh chuckles through his breaths, causing a slight whistle to slide between his teeth. “I’ve never heard that before.”

“No, it’s just,” he tugs at his hair again, “God, I’m so horny.”

“Come on then, bastard,” Josh hisses, still smiling. Tyler spreads Josh’s legs and takes his dick in his hand, looking at him again before taking the head in his mouth. Josh gasps and throws his head back. “Oh,  _ fuck,  _ dude.”

Unable to answer, Tyler continues, hollowing his cheeks as he takes more of Josh in until the tip of his cock touches the back of his throat. He buries his nose in Josh’s pubes and squeezing his balls, smiling internally when Josh starts moaning again. Tyler quickens his pace, bobbing his head more and more rapidly until he gives himself a mild headache and Josh is quivering underneath him. When he pulls away, saliva trails from his lips to the shaft of Josh’s cock.

“Take your boxers off,” demands Josh. Tyler happily obliges. He’s just as hard, so it’s comfortable to have his dick free from restraint as well. They kiss again, their hands fumbling between their cocks to provide pleasure and more arousal.

“We need lube,” Tyler huffs out, running his short nails over Josh’s chest. Josh blows hair out of his face.

“Does Jenna have any?”

“I doubt it.” Grumbling under his breath, Tyler rolls over the bed and sporadically digs through Jenna’s desk drawers. All he finds is a bottle of aloe vera and turns to toss it at his just as horny partner.

“Uh, is this gonna work?”

“I saw it in an article once. I think we’ll be okay. I mean, we don’t have a condom either--”

“Fuck it,” Josh interrupts, needy and desperate for an orgasm, “use it.”

Tyler wastes no time coating his fingers in aloe vera. It feels cool to the touch and almost calming in a weird way, which makes him feel better about the situation. Still on his knees, he maneuvers himself in between Josh’s legs and uses his dry hand to lift Josh’s legs over his shoulders. Josh curses under his breath at Tyler’s unexpected tug that makes his entire body flop against the mattress and his dick to slap against his stomach. As Tyler presses one cool fingertip to his entrance, Josh shudders and strokes his cock.

_ “Oh,” _ he half-whispers, half-shouts, because it’s a new sensation. Tyler pauses to make sure he’s okay.

“Alright?”

Josh gives him a lame thumbs up, which causes him to scoff before returning to lubing up his asshole. Tyler barely has time to push his fingertip in before Josh is groaning again.

“I’m gonna do this now,” he says. Josh nods.

Tyler expects him to be loud, but Josh goes mute. His mouth hangs up and his eyes scrunch up as Tyler pushes one finger inside of him and begins to thrust in and out. Once he gets used to it, he’s practically slamming his ass down onto Tyler’s index finger before Tyler can get it back inside of him.

“Another,” begs Josh. Tyler doesn’t need to be asked twice.

He pushes them as far inside Josh as he can go, scissoring them to try and reach his prostate. Josh’s face is red and slick with sweat.

“Another?”

“Yes,” his voice is hoarse. Tyler wonders if he’s gonna be able to get his entire fist up in there.

Finally, Josh has had enough. He stretches his arm enough to stop Tyler from thrusting his fingers inside of him, the soft pudge of his stomach folding over into three perfect rolls.

“In,” he demands, no longer bothering to form complete sentences. Tyler pops the cap of the aloe vera and squeezes the rest of the bottle into his left palm. Carefully, he coats his entire cock and then recoats Josh’s entrance just for good measure. He hoists Josh’s slipping legs back over his shoulders and plants his hands firmly on Josh’s hips.

“Ready?”

Josh nods his head. Tyler holds his breath as he pushes the tip of his dick slowly inside of Josh’s ass. They both shudder, but it doesn’t take much before they fall into a rhythm. There’s nothing “cute” about what they’re doing: every time Tyler thrusts into him, his balls slap against Josh’s ass and there is enough gasping, moaning, and whining between the both of them to fill up a concert hall. It feels right, though. Tyler had spent so long worrying about being “too young” to fall in love instead of enjoying what he had. He wasn’t too young to understand how he felt every time Josh was around him, every time his hands got clammy and his cheeks turned red and his stomach filled with butterflies. He wasn’t too young to know how important Josh’s place in his life was, nor was he too young to know that they were going to be stuck with each other for a long, long time. They definitely had been friends in a past life.

The curve of Josh’s back when he hits his climax belongs in a museum. The tightness of the muscles in his thighs pulse underneath Tyler’s delicate touch and his entire body glimmers with sweat. His stomach, clenched tightly, shows off his pecs and his lip is wrecked from all the nervous chewing he’s been doing during the duration of their experience. 

He looks absolutely stunning, even though he’s absolutely  _ destroyed  _ underneath Tyler’s palms.

They kiss and kiss and kiss, surrounded in their own come and leftover aloe vera. Josh’s hands touch every bit of Tyler’s torso. 

This is what love feels like. This is what love  _ looks  _ like.

“We gotta wash Jenna’s sheets or she’s gonna actually kill me,” Tyler chuckles, rolling off the bed to pick up his boxers. He uses them to wipe the come off his stomach and clean his now flaccid dick up a little. Josh stays put as Tyler opens up Jenna’s closet and begins to push aside some of her shoes.

“Uh, what are you doing?”

“I keep a change of clothes over here,” explains Tyler as he bends down to reach behind Jenna’s laundry basket for an old, tied off Walmart bag, “I used to spontaneously spend the night a lot.”

“Your mom let you do that?”

Tyler snorts. “No. She thought I was with Mark. Although, now she probably  _ would _ let me stay at Jenna’s.” After securing the bag in his hand, Tyler tosses his dirty underwear to Josh to use as a cloth to clean himself up and rips open the grocery sack to get his fresh pair out. He slides them on as Josh stands up and picks up his own.

Before they peel off Jenna’s sheets, Tyler grabs Josh’s chin and kisses him for the billionth time that night. He wraps his arms around Josh’s waist and pulls him into a hug.

“I’m so grateful you’re here,” Tyler mumbles, swaying a little bit. He kisses the freckles on Josh’s shoulder. “Seriously. I haven’t been this happy in a long, long time.”

“You and me until the end, okay?” Josh reaches for Tyler’s lips.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

\---

“This should be the last box.” Mrs. Dun sets the dented up cardboard box on the ground next to Josh’s bed, which is also covered in junk from his parents' house. Finally, they were moving in together. It took a lot of convincing, but after both Tyler and Josh promised they would keep things PG and would have other roommates, (one of which was Mark,) they agreed.

Tyler pushes himself off from where he was leaning on the doorframe and inspects the cluttered room. “Looks good. I should probably go tell my mom we’re good now.”

“Send Josh in here too while you’re at it, okay?” Her eyes sparkle. Tyler shoots her some finger guns and bounds down the hallway like an excited puppy. Josh is in the kitchen with Tyler’s mother, helping her put away their kitchen supplies. They both stop when Tyler rounds the kitchen.

“Laura got the rest of the stuff, so we should be good. Want me to go close the trunk?”

“Actually,” she looks over at Josh, “would you mind, sweetie? I just gotta talk to Tyler about something really quick.”

“Sure, Mrs. Joseph.” Josh skips out of the kitchen and through the open front door into the hot sun. Tyler pushes his hair back and turns toward his mother.

Things between them had been kinda tense lately, especially when Tyler came clean about the music. Don’t get it wrong, his mother was impressed and praised her son for his abilities, but disagreed with his request to skip college altogether. Tyler understood her frustration. His parents had done a lot to make sure he had a chance at a high education, and basketball had landed him a full scholarship to Otterbein college. Explaining to his parents that he wasn’t going to accept that had been one helluva shit show. Eventually, though, they came to a conclusion. Tyler could focus on his music as long as he completed his associate's degree at community college and maintained a stable income to pay for his rent. He thought that was a fair compromise.

Josh’s family didn’t push his decision not to go to college. He told them that needed a gap year to truly decide what he was going to do with his life after all this time of not knowing who he truly was. They respected that and encouraged him to figure out who he was. Josh got the better part of the deal because his parents were more than willing to help him pay for things and spoil their long lost son. They even got Josh a drumset for his birthday, which sat in the basement next to Tyler’s ratty, duct taped keyboard.

“Baby,” his mother starts off, her voice soft and thick like honey as she rests her palms loosely on his shoulders, “I can’t tell you how proud I am of you.”

Tyler is surprised by that statement. He felt like he hadn’t done anything lately but disappoint her. “Really?”

“Yes. I’m proud of how mature and grown you are, and how much you’ve changed over the past year alone. You glow, Tyler. I can see your confidence all the way across the room.”

He blushes.  “I’m not that confident.”

“You’ve grown into a smart, capable young man. I’m sorry I didn’t notice that earlier, but I wanted to let you know that your father and I have talked, and we both agree that you can handle your own. If you get to the end of this semester and still feel like college doesn’t work, then you can drop out.”

“Seriously?”

She smiles. “Yeah. You’re talented and very passionate. If that’s what you want to do, then your father and I will support you all the way. Just try to keep things family friendly, okay?”

Tyler bursts into happy laughter as he pulls his mother into a tight hug. He feels tears of happiness pricking the corners of his eyes. “Thank you, Momma. Seriously. It means so much to hear that.”

She hugs him back just as tightly, her perfume in Tyler’s nose. “I want you to be happy,” she whispers.

“This makes me happy,” he promises, “music and Josh.”

That gets her to laugh. “Of course Josh makes you happy. You guys make a good team.” they pull away right as Josh darts back into the house, fanning his shirt dramatically.

“God, it’s hot.” He freezes. “Sorry, am I interrupting?”

“Nope, all good. I’m gonna go talk to Laura, okay? Start separating y’all’s stuff out. When is Mark supposed to get here?”

“Later tonight, I think,” answers Tyler. His mother smiles once more, winks, and disappears down the hall of their rental home. Tyler turns excitedly toward his boyfriend.

“She told me I got drop out after this,” he can hardly contain himself enough to not scream it at the top of his lungs, “I get to do music.”

“Fuck yeah, dude!” Josh gives him a high five and pulls him in for hug, but cheeky Tyler turns it into a kiss just because he knows he can get away with it. Sure enough, Josh allows it and melts into the touch of Tyler’s fingertips. Their kiss lasts for what feels like a million hours. Despite the humid heat and their sweaty skin, it’s probably, no, definitely, their best kiss of all.

“You know what this means, right?” Tyler murmurs between kisses, because now Josh has decided to put his lips against every possible part of Tyler’s face that he can.

“Hmm, what?”

“It’s gonna be you and I in it for the long haul. You think you’re ready for that?”

Josh looks at him and smiles one of those perfect, signature Josh Dun smiles. His eyes crinkle as he returns back to a place most comfortable: his lips against Tyler’s.

“Yeah,” he says, “I’m ready for that.”

The future is unknown, but they aren’t scared.

Tyler knows there will be bad times. He’s sure Josh knows that too. But it’s okay. 

Nothing can stop them when it will be them until the very end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> svhlofolina on tumblr :-) <3


End file.
